Perfectionism has been a crux all throughout my life. And now, less than a week before my GCSEs, it's finally taken its toll on me and I'm just fed up; I simply don't care any more.
I was working 7 hours a day on weekdays and 13 hours a day on weekends in preparation for the exams. Though this 'preparation' for the exams has largely constituted very pretty, detailed flash cards; I haven't actually attempted to attribute any of it to memory; I was just too concerned with how 'perfect' everything looked. It's only now that I've realised I've screwed up and that has made me only more miserable. I literally can't move or think clearly because I'm so depressed. This is made even worse by the fact I'm predicted A*s in most subjects and I simply can't come to terms with the fact that my nearly perfect coursework portfolio and consistently strong test performance will all be for nothing. My teachers - who hold me in such high regard - will probably be genuinely shocked by how terribly I'm going to do.
That's probably the worst part: the burden of expectations from friends, family and the school are sickeningly oppressive.
In some ways, I'm glad that the exams have put a stop to my unsustainable work habits. Everything I've ever aspired to: Cambridge uni and being a barrister are all collapsing away into nothing and I'm absolutely terrified about what's going to happen.
Somebody help me
|Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say!||26-10-2016|