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Need to develop new social traits

In my opinion, I'm too friendly, too forgiving, and too much of a shy but also kinda loud personality type, mixed in with a joker type of personality. But all these combinations means that I'm not taken seriously, and I understand why, I'm also kind of defensive, so when people start on me, I have to defend myself quite a bit (in terms of words).

I see my cousins and countryman who take life as a whole, yet they don't care, they have certain traits, e.g. social, caring about themselves (i care about others too much), go after girls (something i've stopped lol), know how to act, in emotional control.

I wish I was more like this then me.
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randdom
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Original post by Anonymous
In my opinion, I'm too friendly, too forgiving, and too much of a shy but also kinda loud personality type, mixed in with a joker type of personality. But all these combinations means that I'm not taken seriously, and I understand why, I'm also kind of defensive, so when people start on me, I have to defend myself quite a bit (in terms of words).

I see my cousins and countryman who take life as a whole, yet they don't care, they have certain traits, e.g. social, caring about themselves (i care about others too much), go after girls (something i've stopped lol), know how to act, in emotional control.

I wish I was more like this then me.


There are a lot of traits that you seem to think are negative there which i don't see the same way. Why do you think being friendly and forgiving is a problem. Why do want to change those things. Is it just that you want to be taken seriously or is there more too it?
Original post by Anonymous
In my opinion, I'm too friendly, too forgiving, and too much of a shy but also kinda loud personality type, mixed in with a joker type of personality. But all these combinations means that I'm not taken seriously, and I understand why, I'm also kind of defensive, so when people start on me, I have to defend myself quite a bit (in terms of words).

I see my cousins and countryman who take life as a whole, yet they don't care, they have certain traits, e.g. social, caring about themselves (i care about others too much), go after girls (something i've stopped lol), know how to act, in emotional control.

I wish I was more like this then me.


Value silence and severity more, smile less, stand upright, don't be cold to those you love in private, but in public:
- Don't offer justifications for your behavior (why should you explain yourself?)
- Tell people when something bothers you or when you want something.
- Take insults very seriously (but also quietly, ignoring them).
- Don't compliment regularly.
- Don't ask for reassurance (make decisions yourself)
- Use a deeper tone of voice and value your word more.
- Avoid conditional statements like 'maybe'.

Finally, avoid being too distant, people will dislike (or even fear) you if you stay silent and out of the group, you have to strike a balance.

Original post by randdom
There are a lot of traits that you seem to think are negative there which i don't see the same way. Why do you think being friendly and forgiving is a problem. Why do want to change those things. Is it just that you want to be taken seriously or is there more too it?


I think he is worried people take advantage of his kindness and don't take him seriously enough, this works well with friends but it's not a great attitude to have in public, a Kant quote 'one can't complain they are stepped on when they make themselves an ant'
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
In my opinion, I'm too friendly, too forgiving, and too much of a shy but also kinda loud personality type, mixed in with a joker type of personality. But all these combinations means that I'm not taken seriously, and I understand why, I'm also kind of defensive, so when people start on me, I have to defend myself quite a bit (in terms of words).

I see my cousins and countryman who take life as a whole, yet they don't care, they have certain traits, e.g. social, caring about themselves (i care about others too much), go after girls (something i've stopped lol), know how to act, in emotional control.

I wish I was more like this then me.


Those are good traits. As cliche as it sounds, I think the problem is probably the people around you, not you. Maybe what you need is more confidence.

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