I need advice. I'm not sure if this is better placed in medical advice or maths, but I'll put it here anyway.
At 18 I had 3As at Advanced Higher, 5 A1s at higher and had qualified for BMO1 through a high score in senior maths challenge, but only got a score of 9/60 in BMO1.
I went to study maths 2nd year entry at Edinburgh uni, got through second year (though I def didn't complete that year with a first), then didn't turn up to 3rd year exams when I was 20. Got taken to a psychiatrist who said I have schizophrenia, now at 24 and after an unsuccessful return to uni, it's autism and a severe and enduring mental illness.
A persistent thing I do, which can rob me of entire days, is try to prove Fermat's last theorem by elementary techniques. It hasn't worked obviously. There are times when I think I'll actually do it or have done it (until I spot the mistake in my proof) and I feel elated.
Typing this, it seems fairly obvious that it's a delusion of grandeur. I don't know how to snap out of it though. The medication stops me doing this, but I feel extremely tired on it and put weight on if I take it. How do I break out of this?
Also, given my past educational performance, how far could I get with self-study of maths? I know people from here with less than my school performance who manage to study to a fair level, and I didn't give uni a fair go with my issues.
How can I ease myself back into studying maths just for my own interest?