The Student Room Group
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>
Uni students - Complete our survey >>

can't pee in public - serious anxiety

hi.

so i've been experiencing one thing which started around the time when i was maybe 8, when i was at a social/public event and when i went to the toilet i couldn't pee. it was a one off event that i couldn't pass urine but the older i get the more problems it's causing and the more often it's happening.

i know that it's called paruresis, and i know that its kind of common however i have never met anyone who has it as bad as me. some of my friends have experienced it lightly, but whenever they talk about it i'm too scared to tell them how badly i have it as they will probably take the piss (no pun intended lmao) out of me.

on a morning before school, i avoid drinking water as i know that i will need to go to the toilet at some point throughout the day. usually i do, but the only toilet i feel comfortable going to is in a separate block and it would be very weird if i suddenly walk over to there when i'm with my friends. there are times when before i go out somewhere i force myself to go to the toilet before so i don't have to in public, however if i'm out for prolonged periods of time i'm going to need to go eventually.

the reason why i'm making this thread is because it's coming in the way of everything i do. i can't think about going out somewhere as this worry that i might not be able to go to the toilet takes over my brain - it's even got to the point where if my parents are in their bedroom next door to the bathroom i struggle to go. i'm also going to a festival in august but i'm insanely worried about the fact that i'm not going to be able to go in the portaloos. the problem with it is that the more i worry about it happening, the more i need to actually go to the toilet.

so, if anyone out there has this, do you have any tricks i can do to solve it? i've tried the holding your breath method however that doesn't really work for me and i have no patience, as i worry that people will wonder why i'm in the toilet for so long without any noises of pee happening.

thanks in advance.
So while I've never experienced this, it sounds awful. I really think you ought to go to a doctor, they may be able to give you some breathing techniques or medication.
Also, you mentioned "people will wonder why I'm in the toilet for so long without any noises of pee happening", trust me, people never ever notice things like this. Especially if you are female, then no woman would ever judge you for being in the toilet for a long time!
Original post by Anonymous
hi.

so i've been experiencing one thing which started around the time when i was maybe 8, when i was at a social/public event and when i went to the toilet i couldn't pee. it was a one off event that i couldn't pass urine but the older i get the more problems it's causing and the more often it's happening.

i know that it's called paruresis, and i know that its kind of common however i have never met anyone who has it as bad as me. some of my friends have experienced it lightly, but whenever they talk about it i'm too scared to tell them how badly i have it as they will probably take the piss (no pun intended lmao) out of me.

on a morning before school, i avoid drinking water as i know that i will need to go to the toilet at some point throughout the day. usually i do, but the only toilet i feel comfortable going to is in a separate block and it would be very weird if i suddenly walk over to there when i'm with my friends. there are times when before i go out somewhere i force myself to go to the toilet before so i don't have to in public, however if i'm out for prolonged periods of time i'm going to need to go eventually.

the reason why i'm making this thread is because it's coming in the way of everything i do. i can't think about going out somewhere as this worry that i might not be able to go to the toilet takes over my brain - it's even got to the point where if my parents are in their bedroom next door to the bathroom i struggle to go. i'm also going to a festival in august but i'm insanely worried about the fact that i'm not going to be able to go in the portaloos. the problem with it is that the more i worry about it happening, the more i need to actually go to the toilet.

so, if anyone out there has this, do you have any tricks i can do to solve it? i've tried the holding your breath method however that doesn't really work for me and i have no patience, as i worry that people will wonder why i'm in the toilet for so long without any noises of pee happening.

thanks in advance.


THis is something I used to suffer really badly from. I still have it a bit (I can't use urinals) but not half as bad. I remember in uni leaving clubs early simply because i couldnt pee in the toilets and was desperate to go.

There were some great websites even back then for it. Its called Shy Bladder.
Essentially you get a surge of adrenaline when you go to pee. thats why you feel anxious and on edge. it also stops you peeing - this is a completely natural nervous reflex. You then become paranoid and even more anxious - what must people be thinking, have they realised i haven't peed etc etc.
Seriously, you are not alone.

The first thing is you are not the only one, others have it too. Everyone has something.
Holding breath seems destined to fail - it'll make your heart race and get more adreline pumping. Sticking fingers in ears might help (drown out noise if noisey). I used to find (and still do) that i find it easiest to start peeing once someone in the public loo is suing the hand drier. Weird i know. once started, am fine.
One person once told me they had overcome it by immersion therapy. THey primed themselves with a whistle/tune which they did everytime they peed at home. they then tried doing it whilst out. they deliberately gave themselves lots fo time and instead of chiding themselves whent hey failed they self praised when suceeded.

You might find the festival tricky (i recall struggling) but you might find that the sheer number of portaloos helps (as opposed to when ina toilet with one or two cublcles only).

Good luck
Oh wow, I thought it was just me. Didn't think it was a recognised problem. I never use public toilets unless I really, really have to, because I get so anxious. And I'd rather wet myself than try to use a urinal because it's just too much of a struggle. I actually go to college 7-8 hours a day without peeing simply because I'd have to use a public toilet otherwise.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you