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English Literature OCR help

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Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say! 26-10-2016
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    I have my english lit ocr exam on monday and have recently been struggling with my paragraph structure. I have written a paragraph and was wondering if somebody could tell me if i continued the paragraph structure throughout my essay what grade would I get? My teacher says I have all the right ideas but don't really write them down properly to gain me the marks xx
    Practice paragraph:
    January 2011- Jekyll and Hyde
    How does Stevenson's writing here make this area of London so sinister?

    Stevenson uses multiple techniques in order to make this passage so sinister. The description of how "the wind was continually charging and routing these embattled vapours", uses the idea of personification. The word "charging" to describe the movement of the wind implies how strong it is and how with such a great force it's powering its way through the streets of London giving a sinister atmosphere. The technique of pathetic fallacy also comes through here as the words "charging" and "embattled" come to mind with the description of Mr Hyde. Throughout the book he continuously "charges" through the streets of the city and battles everyone in his way which is a frequent occurrence during the novel.
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