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I'm disgustingly shy and hesitant - now it's become a Big problem

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Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say! 26-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    Alright.... Bear with me.... I will "briefly" write down about how I reached to this point.....

    So from mid-Grade 4 to Grade 7 (a hair over 3 years), I have been occasionally bullied, and as a result, I admittedly became an annoying kid at class, which in turn made the guys hate me more. Also, they rarely allowed me to participate along with them in football; the only activity that was fun to me. They occasionally made fun of me for being bad at the game. As a result, I have decided to just stay away from most of my classmates. Since then, I have been mostly silent at class, but when I speak out loud it's either asking the teacher about a doubt or could be whatever nonsense that comes to my mind. Those who were good to me were a handful, and unfortunately the ones whom didn't get along with me...

    After that, my dad has moved to work in another city, and so we moved along with him. Classmates were a lot nicer at that school... but still... I have mostly kept a relatively low profile, and again, when I speak out loud it's mostly nonsense jokes, but they haven't hated me in any way. In addition to that, I'd be very hesitant to participate in any activity they invite me to join in, the reason being that "I never tried it" or that "I suck at it". They'd still insist I join no matter how much I look like a disgrace.

    After spending a year there, I have moved to a new school in the same city, but closer to my house and basically a better teaching quality. I didn't change a lot really, just the same old me. However, English isn't my mother tongue, and since in this school we had people from various parts of the world, I had to start speaking in English; this is when I notice that I have a huge disparity between my writing and speaking skills... and for feeling that I suck at speaking English.... I simply avoided speaking too much... as if my writing skills are amazing in any way...

    Later at the this school, I just decided to quit those silly jokes and turn into a quiet guy... When there is free time and nothing I can do, I simply sleep. The problem is that I really do not have much in common with my classmates; I have accustomed to fixing computers and collecting watches, both of which my friends turn a blind eye to.

    And now here I am... seemingly a result of stupidity accumulation....

    * I think a thousand times before talking to any stranger; Not because I don't trust them, but simply because I'm shy to talk to them... and this brings us to...

    * I've failed university admission Interviews and I am hesitant regarding applying to my dream university... only because of the fear of the interview.

    * I've been shy for 2 years to tell my crush that I like her. When I had a simple conversation with her for the first time, I was so weird, confused and boring, and for some reason I felt like she perceived me as a creep. Well, now she's moving to some other country, and thankfully I am starting to get over it.

    Phew... this is the first time I let all this out...

    Now, from where should I start to help myself?

    I can only think of seeking my university education abroad; there is no way I can survive without opening up... at least minimally.
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