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My anxiety is ruining my relationship!

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TSR's new app is coming! Sign up here to try it first >> 17-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    Hi everyone, this is my first post here so please bear with me and I'll try to keep it short and sweet!

    I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, he's my first proper relationship whereas I'm his second. We've had a really strong and loving relationship, but last year I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety which he was tremendous in supporting me and I have now been off medication for 6 months.

    I just started university studying Midwifery in September, moved away to be closer to uni and have found being independent and being away from him very difficult. With such a demanding course and difficult living circumstances (a terrible flatmate), I really struggle with being away and my anxiety keeps cropping up. Its now to the point where he doesn't know what to say anymore to make me feel better, as I am constantly nagging him.

    He used to compliment me, surprise me and support me but now I just feel like I am a burden rather than a girlfriend. He says that he needs his guy space sometimes but I need to let him make plans for us (as I jump in before he can!) and that I need to be more independent so I'm not constantly solely relying on him to make me feel better. I signed up to the gym and do yoga to help with the anxiety, and it does help but I still have my down days. It would help if we could plan things in advance so I could relax and look forward to something rather than wondering when I'm going to see him next but his work rota only comes out weekly, so its always last minute.

    I just need some advice, I want us to break out of this routine of negativity but he is so fed up of being constantly nagged and pestered that he doesn't know what to do. He says he loves me as much as ever and wants to be with me and to just take a day at a time.

    Any help or advice would be greatly received, thank you!

    I think you need to try and give him some more positive time, it can be a lot to be constantly looking after someone with anxiety if you never get any of the good times. If you catch yourself moaning or nagging try and force yourself to stop and rant it into a journal if you need to. Allow him to call you out if you're being overly negative and be okay with it. Once you're made a concerted effort to be better company he will probably feel a lot more inclined to spend time with you and to support you.
    • Thread Starter

    So basically we had a talk and we decided to talk less throughout the day so that we have more to talk about. I live away from home, and a friend came to stay so I was very distracted for a couple of days and wasn't waiting for him to call.

    Tonight he has gone out with his friends, he rang me before to ask about my day and we had a long nice convo. My friend has gone home so I have a lot more free time to overthink things. I asked him how he thinks we're doing, and he said he's a lot happier because we have stuff to talk about. I said I look forward to his phone calls but it is difficult for me to adjust, as we have constantly texted throughout the day for the past four years and that this is a new routine.

    As for family, I have a very close loving family whereas his mum and dad divorced when he was 10. His childhood was very turbulent as they had a very horrific relationship - something he has trouble talking to me about even today after 4 years.

    I just constantly overthink about whether we are talking enough, communicating enough, whats good and normal and whats not. (I have anxiety so I overthink a lot!) I know it is going to take a lot of time.

    How's it going?

    You've probably heard this before and I understand it truly is harder than it sounds, but stop worrying.

    I've honestly been there and it makes things a lot more difficult when you keep stopping and questioning if it's right, what's the best thing to do, is he happy, are you happy, ect. I can control it a lot more now as I just try to live in the moment and not think so much about an issue, because it then expands in your head and turns into a great big deal when the other person could just be oblvious and happy to what's happening in your head.

    My current girlfriend has actually helped me deal with this as she understands what it's like, I'm a lot happier since just trying to enjoy our time together, whilst also trying to give each other space (though however terrible we are at that.)

    Just make sure to communicate with each other how you feel and be sure to be aware of how he feels aswell as your own, you don't want to make yourself unhappy for his happiness and vice versa. It's true that anxiety can ruin a relationship, but with a lot of communication and love, you can really deal with it in a way that works for both of you.

    Good luck OP and feel free to PM me if you need anymore help on the matter!
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