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Need help with GCSE English Imaginative Writing

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Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say! 26-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    I don't know how to end this story and make it sound good.

    The blazing hot sun had been overwhelming the sky as if the sun let go of it’s anger, as the caliginous night took over. The night approached, beginning to drain the sky of colour. “You ludicrous imbecile!” She giggled hysterically, capturing the moment as if there was no tomorrow with an unwavering gaze. An enchanting white fluorescent orb of light slowly sank beneath the subaqueous horizon. It was 10:00 pm the darkness had taken over the sky all could be seen was the astonishing stars caving in. For anyone who could be able to gaze upon the stars, would feel enchanted seeing the silver bullet rise in the sky.

    Enchantingly the protagonist Ariana stood outside in the intense heat waiting to be helped into a Jeep by her best friend called kendall, everyone was gazing upon Ariana in utter joy, as Ariana was dressed in the dress of every girls dreams, a white angelic ivory lace dress with a tied bow in the back that was flowing through the fresh breeze of wind as Ariana walked towards the jeep. “ I’m tearfully happy for you and Justin “ Kendall said swiftly. This is when it finally hit Ariana that she really married as Justin and Kendall helped Ariana into the car to their new welcoming and perfect house. Walking with the utter most kind intentions Kendall quickly muttered in Ariana ears as Justin glimpsed away “I’m happy for you and i just wanted to say marriage isn’t just a worn ring or a paper signed, it is the union of two hearts beating as one and you should remember that forever”. Ariana looked at Kendall willingly to say “ i understand what you mean but i think i’ll be fine since i have Justin to keep as company”. Kendall gestured “if Justin makes you happy then so be it” as she unusually walked away almost robotically, as if her brain was struggling to figure out how to walk.

    The lingering light was obliterated by the rapidly falling night as Ariana and Justin’s house which had an enchanting garden with such beautiful flowers as the house stood on a slight rise just on the edge of the village. The doorbell unexpectedly rang as Kendall shouted tiredly “ It’s me Kendall” as Ariana opened the door shocked to see Kendall in the middle of the pitch black night. “ I just wanted to give you a box of chocolates and wine, guess i’ll be leaving no since it’s getting a little late”. Ariana tried to persuade Kendall to stay for a while but Kendall was drained from her energy since Kendall was tired. “goodbye i hope you have a safe trip” Ariana and Justin said in the background as Kendall walked towards her Range Rover.

    The night started to get darker, Kendall arrived home quickly but seemed to be ready to leave her house again quickly in utter rage as if Kendall wanted to punch someone in the face in rage. Kendall tenaciously grabbed her small discreet yet deadly gun as she slammed her door rapidly running to her Range Rover slamming the door of Kendall’s Range Rover. Viciously Kendall turned on the engine as she forced it into submission. Kendall drove on the highway getting closer and closer to Ariana and Justin’s house. Like a lion running to it’s prey, Kendall drove extremely fast. There was no sound to be heard but the thunderous emotions Kendall had felt.

    this is really promising, however i think that there may be too many adjectives in here. also, some of the sentence structures need working on. i can closely review this and give you in-depth tips if you would like me to? message me if that seems like something that you would like

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    • Thread Starter

    Yes please, it would be really helpful.
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