Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I let my boyfriend sleep with another man, what have I done? :(

Announcements Posted on
TSR's new app is coming! Sign up here to try it first >> 17-10-2016

    As i understand it, before this bloke, it was always just a fantasy yes?

    And you didn't give permission as you were asleep?

    If both of these are true then imo a boundary has really been crossed by your bf. Fantasies to boost your sex life and open relationships are one thing. Sleeping with someone else "for you" is another.

    I think you've every right to be upset. Where you go from here, i don't know. I imagine a big part is whether you've both decided fantasies should stay fantasies or you have decided that while your bf wants more.

    EDIT: Also HIV can take 3 months to show up on tests, so I'd recommend wrapping it for a while.

    From experiences of personal relationships, I can imagine that you're understandably upset. Despite the encouragement, sleeping with another individual was obviously something that your boyfriend wanted to do. I know that everyone is different, but I believe that getting intimate with anyone other than your partner should be discussed at length before doing anything. I know that if my girlfriend were to do the same then I would think all sort of things. I think you should talk together about what happened and what your boyfriend got from the experience; if they are now more open to sleeping with others then perhaps considerations and changes need to be made if you do not want the same thing. Everyone has their reasons, however, and I think you should still listen to what they have to say and be prepared to forgive them if they wish to continue. As for the individual they slept with, I would get your boyfriend to confront them about what happened and tell them that they are unable to do it again and share your collective concerns.

    Ps. I agree with previous comments about fantasies potentially remaining as such.

    I agree with the two posts above.

    You didn't LET him do anything, he acted his on his own. He must of wanted to do it and is using your past conversations as an excuse. Not acceptable. You need to let him know how uncomfortable and sad he's made you. Conversation is conversation. Action (off his own back) is something completely different.

    Even if this is your fantasy, he still did it behind your back sort of and didn't get your consent before he did it. Maybe to you it isn't, but to me that'd be cheating because I didn't get a say in the matter.
Updated: June 2, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Do you like sleeping in a cold room?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.