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Boyfriend hit on another girl

So I've been dating him for 5 months and we were best mates before that so i completely trusted him. Problem is that while we were arguing the other day (on the phone texting because i refused to see him) he was stroking another girls back (a sort of friend who was in the kitchen with my mates), saying inappropriate things about her to one of my mates, and texting her while he attempted to convince me to let him in my room. The only reason he stopped was because i said i still wanted to be with him (we were only arguing about a stupid minor thing). It honestly feels like he was looking for other options and since we originally dated other people before breaking up with them and getting together, I've always worried that he'll do the same to me.. I haven't confronted him about it yet and he doesn't know that i know. I'm hoping that he'll tell me but its been 2 days already. I don't know what to do, i still want to be with him but i can't trust him anymore.
Original post by Anonymous
So I've been dating him for 5 months and we were best mates before that so i completely trusted him. Problem is that while we were arguing the other day (on the phone texting because i refused to see him) he was stroking another girls back (a sort of friend who was in the kitchen with my mates), saying inappropriate things about her to one of my mates, and texting her while he attempted to convince me to let him in my room. The only reason he stopped was because i said i still wanted to be with him (we were only arguing about a stupid minor thing). It honestly feels like he was looking for other options and since we originally dated other people before breaking up with them and getting together, I've always worried that he'll do the same to me.. I haven't confronted him about it yet and he doesn't know that i know. I'm hoping that he'll tell me but its been 2 days already. I don't know what to do, i still want to be with him but i can't trust him anymore.


he stroked another girls back... to me thats nothing flirty at all, thats something friends do, same with the texting.

often guys like to talk to other people during arguements (nothing more than a friendly way) because they like a second opinion or they like to distance themselves from the arguement, I know many people who do this.

Nothing from your post above says he cheated, nothing from your post above is even remotely flirty at all. Please grow up, not trusting your boyfriend over something petty like this is a little bit pathetic, and if you do feel something is going on then confront him.
Reply 2
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Anonymous #1
OP
Even the people who know about this think hes in the wrong, including his best mates (guys). Maybe i am being paranoid but from what the girl and everyone who saw it said that he was clearly hitting on her, she felt incredibly uncomfortable and what he texted her just added on to it.
Stroking back= not enough.
Arguing is a bit dull if you do it often.
You sound a bit paranoid.

Have you seen the texts? If they were inappropriate, then i'd save myself the trouble and dump him. If not, then I cant see he has done anything wrong. And for heacens sake if you do ask him or try and dal with the situation dont let it go into an argument.
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Zarek
21
It's inappropriate. Serious talk time or even have the courage to dump him.
Reply 5
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Anonymous #1
OP
We don'targue that often, the only reason we did waa because we'd been drinking. Theres lots of other little things but its not worth saying. I have seen the texts and they were inappropriate but i still want to be him. I just don't know how to make him understand how much this hurt me. Hes never shown any empathy and every time I've tried to explain what he's done in the past, he refuses to understand and doesn't try to show that he's trying to change. I've never asked much from him, just to show that he cares but he doesn't even know what i mean by that even though i explained countless times.
Reply 6
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Samonia
13
Hey, i'd be really uncomfortable with the stuff he was doing to the other girl. You need to talk to him about it but, if hes dated 2 people at once before he is VERY likely to do it again. Especially if he doesn't get why its a problem. You need to talk to him about it and if he shouts you down or doesn't get it you should consider breaking up with him.
My other issue is are you friends with this girl? If she was getting texted inappropriate things and sitting there getting her back stroked and found it uncomfortable, why didn't she move or tell him to get lost? Obviously i haven't seen her messages back but from what you have said it sounds a little odd.
Reply 7
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Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by Samonia
Hey, i'd be really uncomfortable with the stuff he was doing to the other girl. You need to talk to him about it but, if hes dated 2 people at once before he is VERY likely to do it again. Especially if he doesn't get why its a problem. You need to talk to him about it and if he shouts you down or doesn't get it you should consider breaking up with him.
My other issue is are you friends with this girl? If she was getting texted inappropriate things and sitting there getting her back stroked and found it uncomfortable, why didn't she move or tell him to get lost? Obviously i haven't seen her messages back but from what you have said it sounds a little odd.


We weren't dating while he dated the other girl but he told me was interested a couple of days after we met and broke up with her for me when i wasn't even interested in him.
He isn't close with the girl he hit on, they've never even had a conversation. He even made an excuse not to go out a week before because it would've only been them as everyone was busy. She didn't reply to his texts or answer his phone call, and she probably just didn't know what to do in the situation. She was also the one who told me everything and showed me his texts.

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