Started uni in 2013 - ended up getting on pretty well with two girls in my halls although they did exclude me and were nasty at times... I also became best friends with a girl from other halls... Us 4, one other guy and another girl decided to live together in second year
Second year rolled around & I was pretty hesitant to share a house with the girls I previously lived with but excited at the same time as I'd be with my best friend. In freshers week I went out every night and was basically loving life. Unfortunately in October my cousin went missing and I spiralled in to depression, hardly leaving my room except to go to Sainsbury's and the odd lecture. We grew up together, I had a huge soft spot for him and he was more of a brother than cousin to me. My housemates left me be- I assumed they didn't want to hassle me and didn't really know what to say. A teeny bit of support would have gone a really long way though. Whenever I did decide to do things with them they were really, really happy to see me & I could see they genuinely cared for me. I was very depressed though & it'd get to a certain point in the night where I couldn't cope with pretending to have fun & would just crawl up to my room - I missed my cousin so much. All my housemates frequently had parties and I just put up with the noise but I rarely went down to them even though it was in the same house - I couldn't keep up the pretence and was better in my own company trying to get by. I didn't feel I could reach out to my housemates as I knew they didn't understand.
My birthday came around and at first my best friend kept pushing for me to do something - she wanted me to just let go for once but I couldn't. A day before my birthday I thought what the heck and decided to arrange something but it turned out two of my housemates couldn't make it and lied to me in the process (despite them saying a week before they could) and so it'd just be my best friend and two of my other friends. We went out and all was well up until a certain point where I felt really uncomfortable and got a taxi home without telling the girls. They were excluding me on my birthday - this combined with my then state of mind made me very upset. The girls stayed out and only when they got back home at 4am did one of them think to get in touch with me - I didn't want them to worry about me but I just thought a real friend would've called earlier if a friend just disappeared. My best friend never contacted me and this really hurt - after this event I lost trust in her.
All of my housemates wanted to renew the contract for the following year but I decided I wanted to leave. 3 of my housemates had their partners living there permanently so I was basically living in a house of 9 and it was too much given what I was going through. My cousin was missing for six months and we were then informed that his body had been found so I went home for a bit - my rent payment for the month was going to be late due to everything going on... I informed my landlord, he told me that if it was going to be late again I'd be getting kicked out. He was an evil, evil man and he didn't take in to account the fact that I was mourning. I went to the uni SU to see what I could do re accommodation & they told me that, as I wasn't on the contract (dodgy landlord), I could just walk away. I did just that. I had informed my housemates earlier that I was thinking of leaving, but I didn't tell them for sure. At this point I was so furious with my landlord and I just did as uni told me - I didn't owe him any money. I understand now I could have gone about it better as they had to find someone to take over my room but I was in such a bad state that I wasn't thinking straight at the time - I wasn't thinking about my friends.
My landlord kept chasing me up for rent even though I owed him nothing. My ex housemates were also chasing me up. I didn't reply to anyone and eventually they stopped. This all happened in May of last year. Then in September I bumped in to one of the old housemates in uni and she was happy to see me and told me that none of them were angry with me - I was quite shocked. She then asked me if I wanted to go out with a few of them that night... I couldn't though as I had too much work. I haven't seen them since. They will all be graduating this year while I have another year left but some of them will be working in the city.
Basically, I do miss them all. No harsh words were said between us and I know that before all of this happened there was a lot of love. I don't know if I've blown it, but I would really like to get in touch with a couple of them to apologise etc.. Do you think this is a good idea?
Should I get in touch with them?
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- 06-06-2016 20:43
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- 06-06-2016 20:48
I think that it might be good to clear the air over a coffee but I think you deserve better friends than that. Alot of students haven't had difficulties and really don't know how to cope with mental health problems so they just avoid it all together. It sounds like they were typical students who just cared about partying and having fun. Do whatever will give you peace of mind and then move on to better friendsPost rating:2
(Original post by Hevachan)
- 06-06-2016 21:29
I think that it might be good to clear the air over a coffee but I think you deserve better friends than that. Alot of students haven't had difficulties and really don't know how to cope with mental health problems so they just avoid it all together. It sounds like they were typical students who just cared about partying and having fun. Do whatever will give you peace of mind and then move on to better friends
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(Original post by Anonymous)
- 06-06-2016 21:42
Thank you for your advice I'm not sure I can blame them as I didn't directly tell them I was depressed, although it was probably obvious given the amount of time I spent in bed I guess
Go for a coffee, there's probably no point burning bridges, but perhaps the "friend" you bumped into was just being polite. What if she's the only person that feels that way. Test the water though, a coffee can't hurt, but try not to fall into their friendship "traps", If they had properly cared they would have properly hased you down, not because of the landlord, but because they wanted to know you were doing ok. If you hadnt have bumped into that girl, would you have ever heard from them again? ...part of me thinks thats a no. But be nice, go for a coffee, if they bail on you then you know the their truth and their true intentions.
- 07-06-2016 19:15
Thanks for your replies.. Any other opinions?
- 07-06-2016 23:39
- 10-06-2016 21:32
Any other thoughts?
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- 12-06-2016 01:00
Message them but be wary
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