Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

What would cause someone to rarely ask for help/ask people for favours

Announcements Posted on
TSR's new app is coming! Sign up here to try it first >> 17-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    I have an amazing trainee teacher at the college I work at. She's funny, extroverted, humble, forward-thinking and works hard to a high standard. She fits in well at the college and has made friends with staff, some of whom she sees outside of work. I've been so impressed I've offered her a job as a teacher when she graduates in July.

    There's been one issue though and it's bothering her supervisor. She is not open to receiving support. If she is stuck on something she will try and work out how to do it herself for days before asking for advice. She is supposed to ask an experienced member of staff to come along to important meetings if she feels she needs help but she never even lets anyone know what she's up to half the time. If she gets really stuck she will ask for help and do so appropriately. She usually then picks things up quickly. She has made a close friend in the school and will ask him if she ever needs help and not her allocated supervisor. But essentially she works without any supervision as she practically never asks for advice or support.

    The things is, her work is extremely good, she is able to effortlessly complete tasks independently that others would struggle with. But sometimes she doesnt 100% know what she is doing.

    She is aware she is too independent and admits she doesn't do well as a student as she can't be bothered letting people know what she's up to and enjoys the challenge Of working things out for herself. She also said she knows people are busy so doesn't want to disrupt people unless she genuinely stuck.

    We are not fully convinced. I think it's an element of laziness that if she struggles with something she can't be bothered to find out how to do it. Or maybe pride?

    What could be some reasons why someone would choose not to be open to support from friendly and supportive staff and make life easier for themselves? Would you see this as a major issue?

    shyness / stubbornness /?

    Some people are independent and she may see it as a weakness. In her assessment you need to address the issue with her, remind her that she is in a team, she doesnt know everything and the smart move is to learn in the most efficient way by asking if it is the better option. For the moment her way is working. I cnat see how it would be laziness as she is still getting the results?


    Honestly i don't like to ask people for help, since i don't like to owe them anything.. this is mainly due to me helping people so they owe me later on. ( im not thinking everytime i help someone they owe me, but rather I've helped them and expect the same one day, though i never ask for help, so its kind of a paradox ) . I also don't like to be a burden or seem stupid

    Even if i really need something/ need to know something, i pretty much refuse to ask for help. I would rather do something wrong/ a longer harder way, than ask for help. I do think its a major fault since i do need help, sometime ... but can't change that really.

    It is very simple, pride.

    I have the exact same issue.
Write a reply…


Submit reply


Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: June 8, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Do you like sleeping in a cold room?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.