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ED Trigger Warning. Skipping friend events due to self loathing?

I've been dieting since the age of 14 and I've lost a stone - I wasn't huge to begin with, at 5'2" I was a healthy 9st 2lb. Last year in July I reached 8st 2lb and have maintained that weight up to now, but last year I felt so incredibly happy and confident. I'm doing MORE fitness and eating CLEANER, yet I'm bigger - I know that through dress size and general shape. I'm still 8st 2lb, but I'm size 10 not size 8. There's a couple factors that come into this, maybe I'm allergic to something (I've already eliminated dairy through lactose intolerance), or the fact I've not had a period in about a year. But I've developed this spiral of self loathing and hatred. I look at myself in the mirror almost every day and cry my eyes out. No, I'm not classed as overweight, but the emotional principles are very much the same. I hate myself, and I feel like I am an embarrassment. I've just finished my AS Levels and my friends are all going to the beach tomorrow to celebrate, but I'm having second thoughts - I don't want to be seen by anyone I just want to hide in my bedroom.


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(edited 7 years ago)
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Ezme39
19
Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling? If you think it could be medical, it's worth speaking to a doctor :smile:

If at all possible, do still see your friends. I've felt the same in the past, but then always feel worse for skipping the event - they can help to distract you from your thoughts
Original post by Ezme39
Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling? If you think it could be medical, it's worth speaking to a doctor :smile:

If at all possible, do still see your friends. I've felt the same in the past, but then always feel worse for skipping the event - they can help to distract you from your thoughts


I haven't told anyone, no. I do love my friends but I just feel so ashamed of myself I can't bring myself to leave my room, you know?


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Reply 3
Avatar for Ezme39
Ezme39
19
Original post by lahmejacks
I haven't told anyone, no. I do love my friends but I just feel so ashamed of myself I can't bring myself to leave my room, you know?


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Is there anyone you think you could bring it up with? I know it can be really difficult to talk about body image, but people tend to be a lot more receptive than you think, and often feel quite honored that you've chosen to share this with them.

And yeah, I do know what you mean, and how difficult it can be. There are a few ways you could think about it, and different techniques can work for different people. Such as using logic- as you know that you are not classed as overweight, so you are likely to be slimmer than many of the people around, even if you do not feel it. Or, you know that things are unlikely to get better if you stay inside, so by going outside you may feel slightly better.

You've said that you love your friends, so I'm certain that they would not think any less of you, regardless of how you looked. There is no need to be ashamed of anything.

These feelings are not as uncommon as you would think, and I really hope you can find a way to manage them, or to seek help/ support :smile:

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