Controlling guy friend
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start to faze him out of your life, no one needs that ****
Do your friends know how he treats you? If not, tell them, tell the guy you like, tell everyone. Tell them that you have no interest in him at all and he's trying to bully you into a relationship. That's what I'd do but I can be a bit petty. I definitely would not continue this friendship though. Hopefully your friends will realise that his behaviour is unacceptable so the fallout won't be too bad for you... good luck!
Not 100% sure of your age, but i'm presuming you're in college or uni?
Whatever you do, do not confront him on your own. Don't wind him up since due to being in such an emotional state an angry confrontation could tip him over the edge. Try and start to avoid him by spending more time with your other friends and make sure you always have someone else around you when he's near so he can see you have other people in your life apart from him.
I know most people don't like doing this, but you really should go to a teacher about this. They've most likely had to deal with a situation like this before at some point and will therefore likely know a subtle way with dealing with it.
Hoped this helped
Whatever you do, do not confront him on your own. Don't wind him up since due to being in such an emotional state an angry confrontation could tip him over the edge. Try and start to avoid him by spending more time with your other friends and make sure you always have someone else around you when he's near so he can see you have other people in your life apart from him.
I know most people don't like doing this, but you really should go to a teacher about this. They've most likely had to deal with a situation like this before at some point and will therefore likely know a subtle way with dealing with it.
Hoped this helped
>OP you don't mention how old you are but you did say something about your 'friend' telling all the lads in your year not to talk to you so that makes me think you are around high school age. Hopefully uni will be in your future soon and you'll be physically away from this guy.
You feel this guy is a 'friend' but the reality is that this guy is in a one-sided relationship. He is as emotionally connected to you as he would be in a bf/gf relationship. That is certainly not the way you feel but he is willing to accept the limitations you've place on this relationship and although you are not physically involved he sees you as his emotionally. This arrangement is causing problems for both of you. He is too close to you given his feelings. You need to distance yourself from him! You are in the driver's seat here really. If you want your life to be different then you are going to have to 'break up' with him and make is permanent. I know you must care for this guy but that is not benefiting either of you. It is not fair or healthy that you can't pursue another relationship and are made to feel guilty for even associating with other guys. Similarly, if you do care for him then clearly let this friendship go because he is staying emotionally committed in a relationship that doesn't exist and is not moving on to find a girl who will see him as someone she'd like to be in a relationship with.
I agree with the above poster who said if this is how he behaves as a friend imagine being in a relationship with him. Ugh! As I suggested before I feel you should 'break up' with him meaning no contact but, if that is not possible given your social circle, then you need to be strong and set very clear boundaries of your friendship. If he is not willing to adhere to those boundaries then you really have no choice but to remove him from you life. Good Luck.
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You feel this guy is a 'friend' but the reality is that this guy is in a one-sided relationship. He is as emotionally connected to you as he would be in a bf/gf relationship. That is certainly not the way you feel but he is willing to accept the limitations you've place on this relationship and although you are not physically involved he sees you as his emotionally. This arrangement is causing problems for both of you. He is too close to you given his feelings. You need to distance yourself from him! You are in the driver's seat here really. If you want your life to be different then you are going to have to 'break up' with him and make is permanent. I know you must care for this guy but that is not benefiting either of you. It is not fair or healthy that you can't pursue another relationship and are made to feel guilty for even associating with other guys. Similarly, if you do care for him then clearly let this friendship go because he is staying emotionally committed in a relationship that doesn't exist and is not moving on to find a girl who will see him as someone she'd like to be in a relationship with.
I agree with the above poster who said if this is how he behaves as a friend imagine being in a relationship with him. Ugh! As I suggested before I feel you should 'break up' with him meaning no contact but, if that is not possible given your social circle, then you need to be strong and set very clear boundaries of your friendship. If he is not willing to adhere to those boundaries then you really have no choice but to remove him from you life. Good Luck.
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(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So this is a fairly long story, those who stick with it and respond I will value your time greatly.
One of my very close friends, who is a boy has had feelings for me for around 2 years now. Very strong, intense feelings. I kind of knew about it for a good 6months before he told me, but just turned a blind eye as I didn't feel the same way and couldn't cope with telling him. When he eventually did confess his feelings, I told him quite harshly (I was drunk) that we would only ever be friends, that I saw him like a brother etc... so he was well and truly in the friend zone. It was a bit awkward for a few months then our friendship was back on track and it was nice being just friends. However, recently he's become unbearable, he's so possessive over me, if I even mention finding another guy attractive, even a celebrity he gets angry. The other day he found out I got with someone about a year ago and went completely pyscho, I was 'stupid' a '****ing idiot' that it was dangerous, I could do better, he was a creep etc.. (he's never even met the other guy) he says things like without me his life would be awful, that he cares so much it kills him everyday. So this sort of behaviour continues, I mention another boy or something he gets aggressive and upset, me and my girl friends downloaded tinder as a joke all together one day and deleted it a few hours later and he still had a go at me. Then I found out, that he's been telling all the lads in my year that if he finds out any of them are speaking to me he will be furious, that I'm his, and they should back off and not come near me. So basically I'm now his property, boys won't speak to me with the intention to form a relationship because of this friend as he's so controlling, he's basically punishing me for not being with him and feeling the same way as him. I am so upset and angry at it all, I feel so small, and a boy I actually did like, and he liked me back had to stop talking to me to prevent my 'friend' getting angry at him. So now I am isolated, and denied a chance of happiness, surely if he really loved/cared about me he would let me go? how do i get this to end?
One of my very close friends, who is a boy has had feelings for me for around 2 years now. Very strong, intense feelings. I kind of knew about it for a good 6months before he told me, but just turned a blind eye as I didn't feel the same way and couldn't cope with telling him. When he eventually did confess his feelings, I told him quite harshly (I was drunk) that we would only ever be friends, that I saw him like a brother etc... so he was well and truly in the friend zone. It was a bit awkward for a few months then our friendship was back on track and it was nice being just friends. However, recently he's become unbearable, he's so possessive over me, if I even mention finding another guy attractive, even a celebrity he gets angry. The other day he found out I got with someone about a year ago and went completely pyscho, I was 'stupid' a '****ing idiot' that it was dangerous, I could do better, he was a creep etc.. (he's never even met the other guy) he says things like without me his life would be awful, that he cares so much it kills him everyday. So this sort of behaviour continues, I mention another boy or something he gets aggressive and upset, me and my girl friends downloaded tinder as a joke all together one day and deleted it a few hours later and he still had a go at me. Then I found out, that he's been telling all the lads in my year that if he finds out any of them are speaking to me he will be furious, that I'm his, and they should back off and not come near me. So basically I'm now his property, boys won't speak to me with the intention to form a relationship because of this friend as he's so controlling, he's basically punishing me for not being with him and feeling the same way as him. I am so upset and angry at it all, I feel so small, and a boy I actually did like, and he liked me back had to stop talking to me to prevent my 'friend' getting angry at him. So now I am isolated, and denied a chance of happiness, surely if he really loved/cared about me he would let me go? how do i get this to end?
Im in the almost exact same boat 😭
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