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Did I overreact?

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    • Thread Starter

    My ex gf and I had a crazy intense relationship which she ended about 18 months ago, when we headed off to uni. Since then we have stayed in sporadic contact, with her almost always intiating. We have also slept together once since breaking up.

    Recently, we have been talking more, with her again initiating a conversation which lasted, on and off, for about a week, prior to me moving to her city in the coming months.

    During this conversation, she told me that she had got in contact with me because she thought of me as 'great', told me that she hadn't felt the same way about anyone since we broke up and even invited me to visit her for a guided tour pre-move.

    However, she kept referring to me as 'buddy' and 'man-friend'. I took umbridge at this, considering how much we had meant to one another, and the fact that I am still somewhat hung up on her. I explained that I wasn't comfortable with such labels, and that, whilst I wasn't looking for anything at present and didn't know whether anything romantic would ever happen between us again, I didn't want to rule it out, as the sense of a friendship seemed to.

    She responded by saying 'TBH, I think I feel the same way, I mean I obviously still have a lot of love for you and I never actually fell OUT of love with you because of the way we ended'. She also said, however, that she didn't want this messaging/meeting up to be a preamble towards getting together again in the sense of a definite thing.

    Prior to this, she had discussed how she had been in a fairly dysfunctional on/off relationship with a guy for the past year and that he had ended things badly with her - the first time an important relationship in her life had been ended on anyone's terms but her own. She told me how they had been unhappy, how she should have ended it herself, but how she wished things had been different with him, and how she wished they could have found a way to make it work. But apparently he had rather messed her around.

    Considering that she is still hung up on someone else, it seems unsurprising to me that she would not be considering a relationship with anyone else, particularly rekindling with an ex, but I still felt the need to address her intentions towards me and the use of the aforementioned terms. We continued to talk for several days following this, in a somewhat stilted sense, with her asking whether I would rather she did not message me etc.

    Just wondering whether I overreacted and what others think of the above interactions?

    Yes imo. You were thinking about you and your pride. You are also indirectly pushing. You should chill out.
    Just be a friend and not someone who is touchy and high maintenance.

    This is why it is hard being just friends after a break up, at the same time it seems there is still feelings on both sides. Sounds like you both need to talk and figure out what you really want.
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