I'm gay, 15 and don't know if I should come out?
I'm going into sixth form in September, and I've had a (secret) boyfriend since November last year. He's 15 as well and in my year at school.
Our parents have known since we started going out, but nobody at school knows. I'm captain of the school rugby team, and he's the captain of the school cricket team, which we imagine would cause some outcry, especially as we go to an all boys' school. We're sick of hiding the fact that we're gay, pretending we're straight around other people, and living a lie. We're sick of not being able to say that we're together as well, and happy at the moment.
What should we do, and how should do it? To blow our own trumpets, we're both (and always have been) two of the 'most popular' guys at school, and I'm thinking that we'd lose a lot of friends if we came out. Thanks for any answers!
Our parents have known since we started going out, but nobody at school knows. I'm captain of the school rugby team, and he's the captain of the school cricket team, which we imagine would cause some outcry, especially as we go to an all boys' school. We're sick of hiding the fact that we're gay, pretending we're straight around other people, and living a lie. We're sick of not being able to say that we're together as well, and happy at the moment.
What should we do, and how should do it? To blow our own trumpets, we're both (and always have been) two of the 'most popular' guys at school, and I'm thinking that we'd lose a lot of friends if we came out. Thanks for any answers!
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If it were me, I would tell the school first - so that they are aware beforehand of any problems you might face. It would make dealing with any issues much easier, then having to explain everything to them after its happened. + if they are a decent and supportive school, they may have some good advice/support for you.
- Best advice I can give though, is own it. You say you are two popular guys.. then ****ing own it, dont do it in an appologetic or weak way, just come out with it, be confident and proud, and if you already have popularity, then chances are people will get behind you. I dont know your specific school, but I have worked in a few in england, and the least problematic 'comings out' I have seen is by people who do not seem embarrassed/uncomfortable with what they are.
If people sense that weakness, especially bullies, they may go for it, seeing an easy target. but if you just make it your own, go in with a this is cool, this is good, we are doing this and its ok, attitude.. then in my experiance you will have less problems.
- Best advice I can give though, is own it. You say you are two popular guys.. then ****ing own it, dont do it in an appologetic or weak way, just come out with it, be confident and proud, and if you already have popularity, then chances are people will get behind you. I dont know your specific school, but I have worked in a few in england, and the least problematic 'comings out' I have seen is by people who do not seem embarrassed/uncomfortable with what they are.
If people sense that weakness, especially bullies, they may go for it, seeing an easy target. but if you just make it your own, go in with a this is cool, this is good, we are doing this and its ok, attitude.. then in my experiance you will have less problems.
Thanks a lot! Anybody else?
I am not sure if you should exactly come out because that is entirely you and your boyfriend's choice and you both need to be sure about this decision.
Coming out may face some problems though. Friends may turn against you, even some of the teachers maybe. You just need to keep strong and make sure no one's opinion gets to you.
Best of luck
Coming out may face some problems though. Friends may turn against you, even some of the teachers maybe. You just need to keep strong and make sure no one's opinion gets to you.
Best of luck
I had a friend who came out instead off announcing it to the whole school (would be pretty cringe) he just brought up the fact he had a boyfriend in casual conversation once in a while, eventually word got around.
Also you shouldn't feel like you should have to "come out", there's a pretty high probability nobody will care.
Also you shouldn't feel like you should have to "come out", there's a pretty high probability nobody will care.
Original post by 34908seikj
I had a friend who came out instead off announcing it to the whole school (would be pretty cringe) he just brought up the fact he had a boyfriend in casual conversation once in a while, eventually word got around.
Also you shouldn't feel like you should have to "come out", there's a pretty high probability nobody will care.
Also you shouldn't feel like you should have to "come out", there's a pretty high probability nobody will care.
I don't think saying I have a boyfriend in casual conversation, after rugby training, or in a free lesson with just guys, who all think I'm straight and often make gay jokes, will go down well?
Original post by epage
Hey! I came out at 14 and my best friend (guy) came out at 16, and we both did it via instagram. it sounds weird I guess but it works. I guess using whatever social media is good, facebook, twitter would work also it just depends on what you use more. Its works because people get to comment on your post saying congrats etc. (I go to state school in a conservative area and neither me or my friend received any homophobic comments) its less nervewracking doing it on social media than in real life, although I got a bit anxious going to school the next day, but if you do it in the summer holidays, people may forget by the time you go back to school.
Just make sure you're ready though (it can be hard to know for sure) as I came out too early and it kind of messed me up for a while.
Just make sure you're ready though (it can be hard to know for sure) as I came out too early and it kind of messed me up for a while.
Thank you; if we did do it via social media, what should we say? Should we post a picture of us together, and how should we word it? We're sure we're ready to come out; we can't stand pretending we're straight any longer than this week.
Original post by Beeezeblue
I don't think saying I have a boyfriend in casual conversation, after rugby training, or in a free lesson with just guys, who all think I'm straight and often make gay jokes, will go down well?
I don't know how the dynamic with your friends is, but if they are your friends they'll accept it and move on. And i'm not saying just say you have a boyfriend in casual conversation, but if I were you I'd just imply that I'm gay in a subtle way during a conversation.
Original post by Beeezeblue
Thank you; if we did do it via social media, what should we say? Should we post a picture of us together, and how should we word it? We're sure we're ready to come out; we can't stand pretending we're straight any longer than this week.
Talk to someone in the school, one of the staff. They will have met this situation before and will probably have some helpful ideas. If the teaching staff already know, it will probably reduce any 'shock' reaction among pupils - it will normalise things (as it should be).
Original post by Beeezeblue
Thank you; if we did do it via social media, what should we say? Should we post a picture of us together, and how should we word it? We're sure we're ready to come out; we can't stand pretending we're straight any longer than this week.
Yeah a picture would be good. How to word it: make it short, offhand kind of, I went off explaining myself for a super long time and I shouldn't have. The shorter the better.
wording it, thats a tricky one. It just depends on what you want to say really. my friend just said explained that he didnt want to live a lie anymore. I went on and on about it and i can't really remember what i said now. you could make it silly and funny or serious. just do what you think people at your school will respond best to
Original post by epage
Yeah a picture would be good. How to word it: make it short, offhand kind of, I went off explaining myself for a super long time and I shouldn't have. The shorter the better.
wording it, thats a tricky one. It just depends on what you want to say really. my friend just said explained that he didnt want to live a lie anymore. I went on and on about it and i can't really remember what i said now. you could make it silly and funny or serious. just do what you think people at your school will respond best to
wording it, thats a tricky one. It just depends on what you want to say really. my friend just said explained that he didnt want to live a lie anymore. I went on and on about it and i can't really remember what i said now. you could make it silly and funny or serious. just do what you think people at your school will respond best to
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? I guess if we did it this way I'd say something like, 'We're gay and dating; we have been for a while. This is who we are and we don't want to lie any more.' What do you think of that?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Beeezeblue
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? I guess if we did it this way I'd say something like, 'We're gay and dating; we have been for a while. This is who we are and we don't want to lie any more.' What do you think of that?
yeah that works! its short and gets the message across. in the picture: i guess if your school i quite homophobic, don't do anything too 'coupley' hold hands or something I guess
Original post by Beeezeblue
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? I guess if we did it this way I'd say something like, 'We're gay and dating; we have been for a while. This is who we are and we don't want to lie any more.' What do you think of that?
This is actually really cute, and yeah, you two shouldn't have to hide it. That sounds perfect
Original post by epage
yeah that works! its short and gets the message across. in the picture: i guess if your school i quite homophobic, don't do anything too 'coupley' hold hands or something I guess
Will people believe it if we're just holding hands though? I just don't want to have to do this twice! Would kissing in the picture, ine of us laying on the other, or something else be better?
Original post by Alexion
This is actually really cute, and yeah, you two shouldn't have to hide it. That sounds perfect
This is actually really cute, and yeah, you two shouldn't have to hide it. That sounds perfect
Thanks a lot
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? Original post by Beeezeblue
I don't think saying I have a boyfriend in casual conversation, after rugby training, or in a free lesson with just guys, who all think I'm straight and often make gay jokes, will go down well?
Regarding gay jokes.
Spoiler
Original post by Beeezeblue
Thanks a lot What do you think we should be doing in the picture?
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? I'd say arms round each other side by side
bit like this:Spoiler
Hey there, I don't know how it feels as I'm not in your shoes but my best advice is to tell the closest friends first so you obviously know who's on your side.
I'm pretty sure most people will be understanding, except a few morons but they probably have some insecurities that they haven't fully accepted yet. Think of it as a good thing that you 'came out' - finally you remove any stigma and gradually more guys who feel scared of rejection may also come forth. There may be more than you think...
Besides it's 2016, who wouldn't be accepting of you now? If you want to talk more then PM me
I'm pretty sure most people will be understanding, except a few morons but they probably have some insecurities that they haven't fully accepted yet. Think of it as a good thing that you 'came out' - finally you remove any stigma and gradually more guys who feel scared of rejection may also come forth. There may be more than you think...
Besides it's 2016, who wouldn't be accepting of you now? If you want to talk more then PM me
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Beeezeblue
I'm going into sixth form in September, and I've had a (secret) boyfriend since November last year. He's 15 as well and in my year at school.
Our parents have known since we started going out, but nobody at school knows. I'm captain of the school rugby team, and he's the captain of the school cricket team, which we imagine would cause some outcry, especially as we go to an all boys' school. We're sick of hiding the fact that we're gay, pretending we're straight around other people, and living a lie. We're sick of not being able to say that we're together as well, and happy at the moment.
What should we do, and how should do it? To blow our own trumpets, we're both (and always have been) two of the 'most popular' guys at school, and I'm thinking that we'd lose a lot of friends if we came out. Thanks for any answers!
Our parents have known since we started going out, but nobody at school knows. I'm captain of the school rugby team, and he's the captain of the school cricket team, which we imagine would cause some outcry, especially as we go to an all boys' school. We're sick of hiding the fact that we're gay, pretending we're straight around other people, and living a lie. We're sick of not being able to say that we're together as well, and happy at the moment.
What should we do, and how should do it? To blow our own trumpets, we're both (and always have been) two of the 'most popular' guys at school, and I'm thinking that we'd lose a lot of friends if we came out. Thanks for any answers!
Actually I can give you a couple of contrasting examples of this:
1.
Someone in my form was obviously gay from the outset. He acted gay, but not in the nice, charming, charismatic way. He was just loud and queer and was the kind of person I always want to slap; someone it's hard to have respect for. He always denied being gay - and then he came out a couple of years after we left school, and those who'd known him at school just laughed.
2.
Someone else - also in my form. This guy was a little effeminate, but I never thought of him as being gay. He was just a little effeminate, which I've never had a problem with, and nobody else did either except they thought he was weird. He was really really intelligent and nice, and good to talk to and be around. Eventually he came out in year 11, to an overwhelming "so what."
3.
A couple of years above me at school was another guy; effeminiate, charming, funny, and so obviously gay that it wasn't even worth asking or trying to work it out. He never even needed to "come out," he was born out. He was popular, really popular - everyone loved him to bits, and when his year left school the whole place seemed darker and less light-hearted (though that could have also been because I started my GCSEs at that point 
).
Original post by Beeezeblue
I don't think saying I have a boyfriend in casual conversation, after rugby training, or in a free lesson with just guys, who all think I'm straight and often make gay jokes, will go down well?
Let word get around to them perhaps?
Yes, there's a chance you'll lose friends perhaps; people are too unpredictable to know for sure.
Don't make it like a statement to the world, but act and be confident in and with your sexuality. Don't make a point to bring it up in every conversation (a small minority get swept up in this), but don't be afraid / don't hesitate to give normal affection to your boyfriend.
Original post by Beeezeblue
What do you think we should be doing in the picture? I guess if we did it this way I'd say something like, 'We're gay and dating; we have been for a while. This is who we are and we don't want to lie any more.' What do you think of that?
I'd remove "This is who we are and we don't want to lie anymore." It sounds insecure, which is an impression you don't want to give.
Just end it with a smiley?
Edit #2: Perhaps test the boundaries with some of your friends first.
(edited 7 years ago)
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