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Grandma developing dementia makes me sad

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    My grandma really isn't doing too well. She just got out of hospital after 4 days because she went across her pill sorter (and took 7 mornings worth) rather than down to take the lunch and dinner ones. Thankfully she didn't do any damage. She also keeps getting lost and the police have to take her home. She called the police a couple of weeks ago to tell them a thief had got in and had stolen her garden gate keys - my uncle found them in her cutlery drawer. She still drives because she likes to go to church and talk to her friends there but I really think it's only a matter of time before she kills someone yet she refuses to take taxis.

    I don't think it's safe for her to live alone but she has 2 cats (which are 23 years old) and so refuses to go anywhere that she can't take her cats. I worry something will happen to her cats and she'll lose all will to live or even worse she'll fall and get badly injured and they'll take the cats.

    Every time I speak to my mum, she says my grandma is getting worse pretty much every day. I can't even call her because she doesn't recognize me, she doesn't even recognize my mum anymore. I live a long way away so I can't just pop over for a visit and my mum told me not to because I'd just confuse or even scare her.

    I feel really sad that I can't say a proper goodbye to my grandma. My grandpa died when I was very little so it's always been my grandma who looked after me when my mum had to work. I want to give her a hug and tell her I love her but, as my mum says, it probably wouldn't be a good idea and I'm worried she'll die soon or things will get so bad that they'll put her in a old people's home.

    I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal or not. I mean I know not to blame her for not knowing who I am but it still hurts a fair bit. I've never dealt with a person with dementia before so I don't know how to feel or what I should do. Like do I send her a Christmas card in 6 months time or would that upset her? Should I try and call her anyway? I could just talk to her about her cats so it wouldn't matter if she didn't remember who I am, or would that be creepy/scare her?

    Oh damn this turned out a little longer than I intended. If you get through it and have any advice it'd be good to hear it.

    I am so sorry you're having to go through so much. What you are feeling is normal. Dementia is one of the worst things that can happen in old age in my opinion, as it is much worse for the family to watch someone go through it.

    Grandparents don't live forever and I think if you don't say goodbye you will regret it. I think its probably easiest to see her in an old people's home, but its not really anything to do with you when making the decision whether to put her in there or not so I get that thats not helpful. However, if she does have to go to one, I think the best thing you could do would be to go see her but not try to force her to remember you. Maybe you could just try and find a way to visit her as a volunteer? And that way you can say goodbye to her without scaring her?

    I really dont know, I'm just guessing here and I am not sure if there is an answer to this tbh, however, if you do just want someone to talk to about it then please feel free to message me any time

    I can't give you any advice but you have all my sympathy. What are your parents doing about it? Do they want her to go to a home? Maybe she can take her cats with her?

    Since her mind is going and the neural connections that made her who she was are deteriorating, she won't be the same grandma that used to look after you, and I suppose you should be grateful that you had such a kind grandma, and should cherish the time you had with her when she was still 'herself', because it had to come to an end in some way. The way you're feeling is completely normal and I can totally understand why it'd hurt when she no longer recognizes you.

    I hope that everything is alright in the end, you seem like a good, kind and caring person

    Aw what you're feeling is normal, and I know how you feel as my nan on my mum's side had dementia before she passed away. When she was alive I spent as much time and spoke to her as much as I could. Yes she did come across as frightened at times as she didn't recognise anyone ! But personally you should spend as much time as you can before she does eventually pass away

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    How sad for you, so sorry to hear this and though I haven't been through the same situation I truly sympathise.

    I have worked and met with lots of older people with dementia and have most often found that they are very trusting of people, even complete strangers (or people they perceive as strangers). Obviously I don't know your grandma's personality, but please don't let a fear of distressing her put you off spending time with her, it's could well be that it is still possible to have something of a relationship that will give you, and maybe her, some comfort, even if it's not the same as it used to be.

    it's happening to my step-grandfather and well it has caused a lot of issues as he is the same OP and hasn't accepted the diagnosis he's currently living alone and is still trying to take on building work (the family started to realise something was wrong when he bought 2 conservatories) not to mention driving a mk-3 jaguar e-type which is far far too powerful
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