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I feel like I'm playing second fiddle

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Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say! 26-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    My best friend, J, has been going out with this guy for almost three years, and they're insanely in love. They're still in the 'honeymoon stage' of their relationship. She's really happy with him and I'm happy that she's happy, because her parents - her dad especially - are really overbearing and really push her hard.

    However, I feel like I and my other best friends play second fiddle to her boyfriend, as it's an absolute chore to get her to come out; she almost always says "No, sorry", and then a week later, she's talking about going out to dinner with her boyfriend or he's taken her to one of his clubs, and I just feel... :unimpressed:. And then when I feel like that, I feel like I'm being petty.

    In the last two years, I can think of only two times that J has willingly come out with us, whereas I've been out with A and other friends loads of times; I go round to A's house a lot as well, and she mine. Still, as I said, I'm happy that she's happy, but that still doesn't mean I'm not hurt by it.

    So... how do I stop being so bothered by it??

    This is going to sound like a pretty weak answer, but I always find that it's best to just stay quiet in these situations. Because you really don't want your friend to start accusing you of being overbearing. I'm sure that you aren't, but that won't stop other people from accusing you of that (because people are so quick to jump to conclusions without looking at what's happening behind the scenes at all).

    Even though it's perfectly reasonable to resent your friend for declining your invitations and then jump at any chance to be with her boyfriend, it's best to just try and stay away from giving people the opportunity of calling you an overbearing friend (even though I often find that these people react in the same way when this situation is placed upon them. Sometimes they even react in a worse way, but then stick their noses up and say that they still have the moral highground...)

    Still be there for her. Keep talking to her, keep inviting her out, but just keep quiet and have a good attitude if she declines. Who knows, maybe she might even say yes one day. If her relationship with her boyfriend doesn't work out, then she'll know that she can come back to you.

    I know. This situation sucks. But I often find that it's best to just be very careful, because some words and actions cannot be undone, and can seriously ruin some friendships.
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