Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

How to deal with an extremely controlling parent?

Announcements Posted on
Last day to win £100 of Amazon vouchers - don't miss out! Take our quick survey to enter 24-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    I can't deal with this any more; it's driving me crazy. Where to start? I'm an 18 year old male, Christian, coming onto 19 in a few months, and I'm not allowed to do anything because of my unbelievably authoritarian mother. My mother is Belarusian, my dad is English (completely opposite in nature to my mum).

    I have a car, and am permitted out during the day (I am extremely thankful for this - this is the only freedom I can experience ... I seriously don't know how my mum allows me to drive 1/2 the time), but always have to be home by about 5 / 6 pm, because only maniacs drive at night, and at night visibility is 0, and therefore driving at night is basically a guarantee to crash, well at least according to my mum.

    My friend is hosting a house party next month, who's very kindly offered me to sleep over. I've never been to a sleepover before (because again, it's too dangerous apparently). I figured that 18 I'd be allowed and that it wouldn't be a problem - nope. I got the bo*locking of a lifetime from my mum. Apparently my friend's house will be full of prostitutes, everyone will be drunk, doing drugs and having sex. And half the people will be carrying knives and stabbing each other. I questioned my mum about university and how she's going to cope without me - well apparently she's going to move into my accommodation with me, so that she knows what I'm doing, and where I am 24/7 hours of the day. And she's talked about how she's going to walk me right up to the university doors with me, so that I don't get lost, raped or attacked. I'll be maybe allowed to move out at 30. 10-year olds have sleep overs without these kind of problems, I AM 18, not 10. Let that sink in. Well, on the bright side, I'm allowed to go to that party (I have no idea how), but not stay the night.

    Whenever I'm allowed out during the day, she needs to know where I'll be, why, for how long, and asks me to phone when I arrive at each location. It's almost like she's mission control and she's keeping track of my every move. If I'm late home, well the minimum she'll shout and verbally abuse me for is probably an hour. After she calms down, she'll bring up the issue multiple times again over the next few following days. If my phone says "missed call from mum" - oh god ... that is something that absolutely cannot happen. Last time that happened, she almost called the police (I was on a bike ride with friends and couldn't hear my phone ring). That was 4 years ago. To this day, I'm not allowed on bike rides with friends any more.

    A year ago I wanted to go to London to a concert (DURING THE DAY), and meet up with a friend. Apparently I'm incapable to using the tube (because it's too complicated) and there are too many criminals.

    Forget girls, forget alcohol, forget clubs, forget all that stuff. I don't care about any of that right now at all. I just want to live a bit. I feel like I'm living on a leash. I've worked my ass off on school work and I just want to live a bit. Absolutely everyone I know is not treated like this, in fact, their parents don't care what they do at all. Their parents just know their children are responsible, and won't get into trouble for doing anything stupid. My friends are going on holiday to other countries for god sake, and I'm not allowed to stay at a friends house at night. I'm fed up of making bullsh*t excuses to my friends as to why I can never do anything.

    I could go on an on and on about it. Please, I need advice. How do I handle this situation? And I can't just move out, before anyone suggests it. I won't be allowed to work at university, because I need to study all the time, so I won't have any money (and no I'm not allowed a student load either). And yes, I know, my parents can enforce their own rules while I'm living under their roof, but I feel like I'm living with a dictator, enforcing her bullsh*t regulations on me.

    She thinks I'm incapable of life. Ironically, I'm always the one directing her in airports, as she's incapable of understanding simple directions and reading simple maps. And I will probably be incapable of life soon with her mothering anyway.

    5 years ago, people were taking the p*ss out of me because I was never allowed to do anything. I though that hitting 18 = more freedom. Since hitting 18 my mum's become more controlling. Please help. I need it. Thank you for reading this through ... I could keep going for another 10 pages about her. Sorry if there are any typos / bad grammar. I cannot read this through without feeling sorry for myself and crying. And yes, I know that sounds incredibly sad, however I am just so done with life right now.
    • Thread Starter

    Just briefly, the worst part is that she doesn't even trust my dad. If I go on a bike ride with him (too dangerous to go on bike rides with friends), we have to use her designated route. "I NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE", apparently. I hear those words all the time, and it's just getting ridiculous now.
    • Thread Starter

    Sorry, I've moved this thread to http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...7#post66222967 as I realised I posted this in the wrong category

    Why can't you go for a student loan?

    And seriously, just have a talk with your mum. Your dad doesn't seem to be a problem so see if he will support you? Ask your mum to EXPLAIN why she needs to know where you are, if she really thinks that doing what she is doing is actually beneficial to you. How much its crippling your individuality and development. 18 is the time where you discover yourself, become who you want to be. be free!

    My mum was similar to yours, I was allowed sleepovers but I had to leave 2 emergency contact numbers, the exact address of where i was going, directions, and exact times, had to call or text in every hour. Wasnt allowed to drink (neither of my parents drink so they were against it) and wasnt allowed out past 10pm (hey i still sneaked out anyway but that doesnt matter).

    I had a proper discussion, and made it clear that its my life and my choice. and I need to be who I want to be. Guess what? now im free.

    best of luck to you anon!
Write a reply…


Submit reply


Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: July 5, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Would you rather find
Useful resources

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.