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Depression over unrequited love

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Why bother with a post grad? Are they even worth it? Have your say! 26-10-2016

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have had strong feelings for a guy for just under 6 months now. The thing is, he WAS interested in me, twice, but says he isn't anymore, and I think i'm finding that harder than if he'd never been interested, and we've slept together a few times..

    I just want to forget him, even no contact doesn't work, and he sometimes starts conversations with me too.
    I liked him as soon as I met him, and so did he (as he told my friend I was nice and wanted to get to know me more!) We ended up talking on fb, admitted we liked each other, and then we had sex.
    He said he liked me in the beginning, but then he saw I was more into him than he was into me/was depressed at the time, and so he backed off a little. plus he was moving abroad in a couple of months so says he didn't want anything.
    Then we stayed in contact as friends, and I always liked him but felt a bit better ,started to be into other people etc. And then he started being into me again.. but he didn't want a relationship, he just wanted us to see each other but nothing serious since he was leaving.
    I said yes, but then I changed my mind a bit later; worried that i'd become too attached and that it'd be hard, and he understood. Plus he'd told me he didn't have feelings, but he was attracted.

    Then a few days later, I went on a date with someoen else and ended up telling him. he was jealous, and asked why i'd told him that, and it had made him realised he really liked me. he said he wanted to spend some time with me before he left as he'd regret it otherwise.

    He told me he really liked me a lot.
    We ended up seeing each other for a short time, which was lovely, but then it got closer to him moving abroad and I found myself falling in love. And then one day we were about to have sex, and then he just sort of froze and said he couldn't, and then I told him later that I didn't want to anymore as I was really falling for him and I wanted a relationship, and he said that he'd noticed I was getting attached and he froze, and he didn't want to do that anymore either.

    That was two months ago, and I'm still not over him. We tried to be friends, but it was quite awkward, and we carried on speaking on fb, and he sometimes really flirted with me a lot, and we met up a couple of times as friends but nothing happened.

    I just asked him why he wouldn't have a relationship with me if he liked me, and he ended up saying that he hadn't had a connection with me, he felt that I had everything ging for me, I was so nice, funny, intelligent and really attractive but I was more 'quiet and calm' than him and he just felt like it 'wouldn't work'.

    He said he 'saw I was getting too attached' and he freaked out, and he said he always knew I was more into him than he was to me, so he didn't want to be with me. Then he admitted he was stll in love with his ex (who he broke up with 2 years ago) and he hadn't really wanted a girlfriend since her.

    He's moved quite far away anyway, but it hurts me all the time. It's the fact that he'd been interested in me and then changed his mind twice. I told him that I found it irrational and I just didn't understnad, and he said that he's just indecisive.

    So i guess that now he has no interest at all in me. I think about him all the time, and as I said he sometmes begins conversations online; we talk for hours about everything and it's so hard. I asked him why he was contuining to be flirty (saying I have a hot body etc.) and he's stopepd that now.

    I am really depressed and have been for a while; I don't enjoy things anymore and I am obsessively checking whether he's been online; whether girls have posted anything on his wall etc.

    I cannot understand why he changed his mind so much. It's true I did make it known that I was very into him, but that'sjust hte way I am; I think life is too short to play games and it's not like I said I was in love and wanted to marry him, but I did tell him I liked him a lot.. .

    All I can say is I feel the same
    It's horrible! I was going out with this guy for 2 months and then in the end he just said he couldn't see it 'working' blah blah blah. I'm still so upset and I think I think about him everyday and the thought of him being with anyone else just makes me so distraught .
    • Thread Starter

    i'm so so sorry to hear that If you want to talk about it more, don't hesitate to pm me! Did he not give youa more concrete reason other than 'he could not see it working?'

    I hope you feel better soon! It's good to know someone is in the same position..

    I guess I have this guy at least as a friend; he told me we can talk whenever I want, and I know he does appreciate me and likes talking to me. As well, he understands this situation, as I suppose he's going through the same thing with his ex!

    I do genuinely hope one day that we can be friends, because we get on well otherwise, and I will contact him again if there comes a day when i'm fully over him!
    • Thread Starter

    I've taken the decision to delete him from social media. It was hard.. I messaged him kindly explaining why, and he understood, said we'd speak some other time,. etc. If I didn't have feelings, he'd genuinely be a friend I would talk to every day. But I found myself constantly looking at his pictures, seeing if he was online, wondering if he was with other girls, reading our conversations etc. But, out of sight, out of mind. I already feel better for it. I don't have to know if he has a girlfriend or whatever, and I've asked our mutual friend to not talk to me about him. I pray that the day will come when I'll have zero feelings for him. The fact that he can still be into his ex when he's not seen her for 2 years worries me that the same thing could happen with him..

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Glad to hear you've managed to take this step
    Try not to worry about that and focus on the present for now, as I'm sure you have mostly been doing
    Posted from TSR Mobile

    just read this whole thread and i'm in the early stages of a hugely similar situation! Basically went out with someone for a year, broke it off for a few weeks, I made the effort to try again, and the past few weeks he's totally been an a hole to me! Never invited my down to spend time with him, blew my off for his new friends, and so a few weeks ago he told me i'm too "uptight" and he's too "laid back"... so now i'm just at the point of constantly feeling this upset/anxious feeling in my tummy, thinking about him already being with other girls (he's always been a flirtatious character it wouldn't surprise me)...

    I'm the same as you OP, I've been checking his facebook and when he's online etc. I know it's not healthy and everyday I try tell myself "ok today's a new day so do NOT be tempted to check online" but even after a few days of not doing it I go straight back to square one!

    On the day we broke it off I messaged him saying if we can still be friends, and he said yes it'd be nice if we could meet up once it's been a while. I thought okay whatever it never happens... then in the last couple weeks he's liked a few of my posts/pictures on facebook and re followed me on twitter when I had blocked him a few weeks before... I know this seems insignificant but he saw how upset I was when HE ended it so why is he making an effort ot make himself known to me, if that makes sense?

    Like you i'm just really confused at how I was enough for him the past year and we was so into each other, he told me pretty much he loved me, but now the past few weeks I'm nothing to him and he seems to so easily be over me... it hurts me everyday. I guess i'm just in the raw stages of it all.

    I'm glad to hear you deleted your guy OP, I know i should but i don't feel ready yet. He was big part of my life for a long while... I hope I get the courage you have had sooner than later! x

    I'm in a similar situation, well I was, but I cut contact. I met this guy and we were friends, we always seemed a bit flirty but we didn't do anything else, he became one of my best friends. Eventually i started to like him and told him and we gave dating a go but he wasn't ready/didn't feel the same (I don't know which still!). We cut contact and after several months got back in touch. We got our friendship back for a while but I realised I still had feelings for him, he didn't I could tell by his behaviour. Our friendship wasn't as strong as it once was, it became one sided and he lacked the respect that he once had. I told him how I felt and after that things got worse and he started acted like he didn't give a damn so I cut off contact and said my goodbyes.

    It is for good this time. I was feeling terrible each day for trying to be okay with something I wasn't. It might have been worth it had he cared enough about the friendship but I seemed more someone to talk to when he was bored. It's recent so i'm still hurting and I miss him but I'm at peace with my decision. You can't change how you feel and you can't change how someone else feels or acts and you've got to stay true to yourself. You'll feel so much better in yourself if you cut him out of your life and focus on you, you'll meet someone who does see how amazing you are and will make it effortless to be with you
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