Is it appropriate to ask what a guy does for a living...
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Original post by xobeauty
Yeah thought so this question is really important to me though.
Why is it really important to you? Judging a man on his job will lead to misery in the relationship and you could potentially pass up on an awesome guy who is more suited for you
I decided not to ask, I'll just let that convo come up naturally.
Original post by hezzlington
I'm sorry for offending you but lets be realistic...how many attractive, intelligent, ambitious, confident women work in grocery stores at 25? Let's assume you finish your degree at 21/22. It's going to take you 3 years to save up for a Masters?? If this hypothetical girl is studying an MSc/MA or whatever, I assume she has career aspirations, and the qualification is to enhance her job prospects. Why not seek sponsorship through a company? Hypothetical girl clearly hasn't thought this through.. 
if somebody is doing their masters and at the same time working whatever job that allows them the flexibility to perfom well academically as well as keep the bills in check, then, that's great! But that's not what we are talking about.
if somebody is doing their masters and at the same time working whatever job that allows them the flexibility to perfom well academically as well as keep the bills in check, then, that's great! But that's not what we are talking about.
I'm not so much offended as weirded out that you would rule someone out because of their job when life is so complex. I've worked at Tesco, pet shops, cleaning in between getting where I am now but I'm still the same 99_Problems which is what matters, if I've gone from undateable to dateable from going from Pet shop **** cleaner to a Community Manager then that's kind of sad.
I found a lot of my over 25 colleagues who were in these "undateable" roles to be very "dateable". Sure there are the dead beat unintelligent ones but honestly they were kind of rare for me. Even the crappy jobs I had have stiff competition.
Although I am not ambitious and am from a working class background so perhaps that is why we differ on this. Switch ambition for social/friendly/kind in terms of what I fancy.
So would I choose someone who worked at ASDA but was social/friendly/kind/can have a laugh? Yes.
I guess we just find different things attractive. There are many women and men who tick the characteristics you've listed but are so boring. Would they sit under the stars with me and smoke a joint? Book a spontaneous weekend in Paris to party? **** me like their life depended on it? Generally just lark about and have a laugh. These things are more important to me. Where they work is nothing in comparison
OK, he is a Road Sweeper. Does that make him a bad person? Fair enough, he gets dirty because of his job, picking up rubbish all day is not too good for personal smells, but so what? He can have a bath when he gets home, can't he? Germs and Microbes might get into his skin from dirt and dog mess on the ground , but that's not his fault. Blame the people who let their dogs do their Business in the Public street, not the person who has to pick it up all day.He still gets paid doesn't he, would you prefer him to be on the Dole, watching daytime tv and Jeremay Kyyle all day?
Original post by xobeauty
That's what I say but I'm always being told not to think that way. I don't wanna ask a dude and it turns out he has a *****y Job making him feel bad after.
say if a guy was a window cleaner or some thing would you not go out with him and if he was a surgeon or hedge fund manager I presume you would be more attracted to him
Original post by 99_Problems
I'm not so much offended as weirded out that you would rule someone out because of their job when life is so complex. I've worked at Tesco, pet shops, cleaning in between getting where I am now but I'm still the same 99_Problems which is what matters, if I've gone from undateable to dateable from going from Pet shop **** cleaner to a Community Manager then that's kind of sad.
It's not about the job, it's about what you want out of life. I tend to be attracted to independent, driven, competitive people. Women that strive to be the very best they can be. I'm just saying you don't tend to meet people like that that are long term minimum wage workers.
If, since 16 you've been at the same job, or at the same level doing the same thing, it speaks to me that, well, you're not really that driven/ambitious? And there is nothing wrong with that! I guess some people their reasons. I've met amazing women who have given up everything to care for ill family members and have therefore stunted their own career development etc. But they are few and far between.
Original post by 99_Problems
I found a lot of my over 25 colleagues who were in these "undateable" roles to be very "dateable". Sure there are the dead beat unintelligent ones but honestly they were kind of rare for me. Even the crappy jobs I had have stiff competition.
I found a lot of my over 25 colleagues who were in these "undateable" roles to be very "dateable". Sure there are the dead beat unintelligent ones but honestly they were kind of rare for me. Even the crappy jobs I had have stiff competition.
Remember this is just my opinion. I'm not trying to take away anything from these people, or make out like they're undesirable.
Original post by 99_Problems
Although I am not ambitious and am from a working class background so perhaps that is why we differ on this. Switch ambition for social/friendly/kind in terms of what I fancy.
Although I am not ambitious and am from a working class background so perhaps that is why we differ on this. Switch ambition for social/friendly/kind in terms of what I fancy.
I'm not working class, but I'm from a single parent background. I don't get what your point is?
Original post by 99_Problems
So would I choose someone who worked at ASDA but was social/friendly/kind/can have a laugh? Yes.
I guess we just find different things attractive. There are many women and men who tick the characteristics you've listed but are so boring. Would they sit under the stars with me and smoke a joint? Book a spontaneous weekend in Paris to party? **** me like their life depended on it? Generally just lark about and have a laugh. These things are more important to me. Where they work is nothing in comparison
So would I choose someone who worked at ASDA but was social/friendly/kind/can have a laugh? Yes.
I guess we just find different things attractive. There are many women and men who tick the characteristics you've listed but are so boring. Would they sit under the stars with me and smoke a joint? Book a spontaneous weekend in Paris to party? **** me like their life depended on it? Generally just lark about and have a laugh. These things are more important to me. Where they work is nothing in comparison
Yep, I agree. I just enjoy people who are passionate about what they do for a living.
Original post by Foo.mp3
Yup. A more subtle et. sophisticated approach is all to the good 
Which can be a blessing and a curse
Indeed not. Balance in all things
Which can be a blessing and a curse
Indeed not. Balance in all things
of course and most guys I come across are somewhat mature and sophisticated,so,it's all good!
The curse would be never getting to see the but not sure about the blessing. Luckily for me,I don't know any guy I like who is a work addict and I hope I don't come across any in future. It's really interesting tho when someone tells you what they do for a living because maybe sometimes that how you're able to find common ground. *
I certainly like a guy who is able to balance work and his social life
*Original post by Foo.mp3
Not so sure about that one! 
I suppose, initially at least. For me, it's more about the person, and the personas you meet within any given line of work can be extremely varied
I suppose, initially at least. For me, it's more about the person, and the personas you meet within any given line of work can be extremely varied
I'm absolutely sure
Of course,for the most part it is about the individual person and not so much their job but I've kinda seen a trend depending on the type of job the guys I talk to do. The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists and very caring,they're the ones I would say who take a huge interest because of my health issues. Then there are those who do stuff like working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times. I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife,like boon smith
I've find guys like that to have balls of steel and are so different
Safari trips together <3*
Original post by karl pilkington
say if a guy was a window cleaner or some thing would you not go out with him and if he was a surgeon or hedge fund manager I presume you would be more attracted to him
Idk I'm really attracted to construction workers and that's not the best job.
I'd wonder why he didn't strive for better, a window cleaner....ok then.
Original post by fefssdf
I'd ask them as an icebreaker type question... its a pretty important part of that individual's life tbh
Ikr lol
"So...what do you do?" -sips through straw awkwardly waiting for food-
Original post by queen-bee
I'm absolutely sure
Of course,for the most part it is about the individual person and not so much their job but I've kinda seen a trend depending on the type of job the guys I talk to do. The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists and very caring,they're the ones I would say who take a huge interest because of my health issues. Then there are those who do stuff like working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times. I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife,like boon smith
I've find guys like that to have balls of steel and are so different
Safari trips together <3*
Of course,for the most part it is about the individual person and not so much their job but I've kinda seen a trend depending on the type of job the guys I talk to do. The ones who do medicine/are registrars/doctors are usually so on time with everything,they're perfectionists and very caring,they're the ones I would say who take a huge interest because of my health issues. Then there are those who do stuff like working in the city/economics/business and they're just so laid back and so up themselves at times. I've just always wanted to be with a guy who's into animals and working with wildlife,like boon smith
I've find guys like that to have balls of steel and are so different
Safari trips together <3*
That's pretty cool, can't say I've ever spoken to a guy in those fields. A teacher was the best I did thus far.
I was under the assumption that it was a totally ok question to ask at any time unless the person you're dating is a hitman or part of a drug cartel.
It's just part of the standard stuff, innit?
"what's yer name?"
"what do ya do?"
"where abouts you livin?"
"funny weather we're havin', innit?"
It's just part of the standard stuff, innit?
"what's yer name?"
"what do ya do?"
"where abouts you livin?"
"funny weather we're havin', innit?"
Original post by xobeauty
should that not be one of the first things you ask? When is it ok to have that talk?
It's fine. It would probably come up while making conversation/getting to know each other.
But if they tell you "that's classified" they are either a spy or unemployed. Most likely the latter.
Original post by xobeauty
That's pretty cool, can't say I've ever spoken to a guy in those fields. A teacher was the best I did thus far.
do you find male teachers to be hoooooot?
Original post by Foo.mp3
Guess again! 
Aye
This isn't representative, unfortunately. Many young medics these days are self-serving, elitist, narcissists, and many (naturally) end up being rather selective in their empathy!
I'm sure many are genuine, but you should be aware that some see a vulnerable girl/opportunity to 'play doctor' e.g. show off/attempt to assume a(n inappropriately) paternalistic role (as you know, I get a read on people in no time at all and understand the human/male psyche very intuitively)
Complacent et. condescending, yes, I know the type. Don't mind it if they actually have something to back it up but most are tragically short on real human 'capital'
That's so sweet, and kinda resonates with me in ways I doubt you're aware of/fully appreciate but perhaps one day will
Vaccinations..
Aye
This isn't representative, unfortunately. Many young medics these days are self-serving, elitist, narcissists, and many (naturally) end up being rather selective in their empathy!
I'm sure many are genuine, but you should be aware that some see a vulnerable girl/opportunity to 'play doctor' e.g. show off/attempt to assume a(n inappropriately) paternalistic role (as you know, I get a read on people in no time at all and understand the human/male psyche very intuitively)
Complacent et. condescending, yes, I know the type. Don't mind it if they actually have something to back it up but most are tragically short on real human 'capital'
That's so sweet, and kinda resonates with me in ways I doubt you're aware of/fully appreciate but perhaps one day will
Vaccinations..
Spoiler
oh really? Are you very passionate about your work that you don't mind it over riding your social life?
I see what you mean but I think that's only the minority,with much older guys I've not really seen them to appear very selfish, in fact they've always been sweet and gentle and patient with me but my friends are not representative of the entire generation of young male medics so I guess I'm blessed that they have caring qualities.
Well in general,they ask about my health,talk about research but it's never really been in a kind of show off way,just full of humility with a few cheeky jokes about biomedical scientists being the slaves of medics but we just laugh it off and they've given me an insight into what it's going to be like for me to study medicine. And I've always kept our connections appropriate,we have boundaries as with every other person in my life and it's Abit like a paternalistic quality to have but I just see it as caring about someone a lot
They have this mentality that they can have you and win you over in no time no matter how difficult you appear to be,it comes across as being a jerk and I don't think they see this. And then they're the ones who try to play hard to get in a joky way and it's always a rhetorical question with them. I could imagine they'd be hard work but they're funny,joyful,cheeky but on the downside,arrogant! I wonder why most have these qualities when working in said sector.
You're into wildlife involving big cats and alligators? Oh what do you mean by that?
sounds so interesting . BTW,I would love to work for national geographical channel when I'm older * Yellow fever ones and malaria would be the two major ones and take pills as well when going to tropical countries! I'll take a look at the vid
It almost always comes up anyway, heck even most people ask me all the time what I'm doing with my life. OFC if it didn't, I'd ask anyway since it matter to me. May not matter to others. I don't need another over-aged supermarket underachiever in my life, whereas an equally driven rat-racer with not enough time sounds perfect.
I'd have asked if I were you OP.
I'd have asked if I were you OP.
There's nothing wrong in that, as long as you ask nicely. It's a common question I think.
But if a girl asked me how much I earn, then I'd be put off and think she's a gold digger.
But if a girl asked me how much I earn, then I'd be put off and think she's a gold digger.
Original post by xobeauty
should that not be one of the first things you ask? When is it ok to have that talk?
just be honest and fire away the top 5 things you really want to know
1. what his monthly income after tax is
2. any previous wives or kids?
3. what car he drives
4.penis length
4. does he have his own place yet?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Foo.mp3
Fraid so, particularly when it comes to my greatest/most pro-social work (e.g. integrative physiology research/writing has had me skipping meals and **** in the past)
Presumably you're smart enough, and well nformed enough (e.g. under my tutorage), to know what the undertones are/intent is here
Never in doubt, but if you're honest with yourself you know full well that had you not made an effort to do so then some of these guys would have sought to capitalise on a female in a position of vulnerability
Sometimes that's reasonable, other times hopeful, and in some cases arguably deliberately blinkered
Must work on some people. Truth is, when I’m coaching my guys I tell them that a moderate air of indifference/entitlement can be highly alluring, but you have to: A) Be able to back it up with something; B) Carry it off with aplomb
Nowt wrong in that, so long as A + B are satisfied (granted, they probably aren’t with most of these tools)
Douche factor 5
The world has taught them that they’re special/desirable, by simple virtue of being employed in a relatively richly rewarded sector (in pecuniary terms, at least). Poor fools get lost in their own superficial myth, and sucked into this pseudo-masculine form of arrogant misogyny that flatters them not. I’d a friend who works for Goldmans, and what she described made the caricature seem relatively mild tbh
Naw, ickle cats and newts
Maybe you’ll find out
Remind me how old you are again?
Might make you think twice..
Presumably you're smart enough, and well nformed enough (e.g. under my tutorage), to know what the undertones are/intent is here
Never in doubt, but if you're honest with yourself you know full well that had you not made an effort to do so then some of these guys would have sought to capitalise on a female in a position of vulnerability
Sometimes that's reasonable, other times hopeful, and in some cases arguably deliberately blinkered
Must work on some people. Truth is, when I’m coaching my guys I tell them that a moderate air of indifference/entitlement can be highly alluring, but you have to: A) Be able to back it up with something; B) Carry it off with aplomb
Nowt wrong in that, so long as A + B are satisfied (granted, they probably aren’t with most of these tools)
Douche factor 5
The world has taught them that they’re special/desirable, by simple virtue of being employed in a relatively richly rewarded sector (in pecuniary terms, at least). Poor fools get lost in their own superficial myth, and sucked into this pseudo-masculine form of arrogant misogyny that flatters them not. I’d a friend who works for Goldmans, and what she described made the caricature seem relatively mild tbh
Naw, ickle cats and newts
Maybe you’ll find out
Remind me how old you are again?
Might make you think twice..
you're so committed to good causes
Honestly,it's just an innocent joke.
if they care enough,genuinely care,they will never try and take advantage of me.
They usually back it up by being douchbags
and I'm amazed at the girls who sleep with them or even date them. If you like someone just because of their job and earning potential then clearly she's just a gold digger,especially with these banker dudesThey do have a streak of misogyny and talking about women in disrespectful ways,like they're just made for their pleasure/entertainment. They know hey could probably lay girls by flashing some cash here and there and boasting that they're city workers who have a rich family and highly desired by other females. They love behaving so arrogantly *and you'd be surprised how some girls actually love it. I imagine the ones who eventually will get married will probably still be flirting with females in clubs on the weekends or have mistresses on the side*
Hi 5! It'd be good to just do this thing for a living. It's adrenaline pumping and exciting and I just want to find a guy who has that same passion so we can do on trips together to wild safaris or the rainforest. My dream world
Speak thy mind :fuhrer:
I'm 24
OMG now I feel really old. I still have a few more years of living so I guess it is not too late to work at nat geo if they'll accept me,which I hope they will!Yikes!
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