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Why am I so clingy with men?

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    • Thread Starter

    I met a guy through friends and we were both attracted to each other, started talking etc. but then he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship because of moving abroad soon for work. We had a one-night stand aftrer a few weeks of chatting, and I told him the next day that I really liked him and that he was a lovely guy. I said it was no problem about the relationship thing, even though I was gutted.

    I should have just left him alone there and then, but we had several conversations on fb and I told him that I was pretty sad about his decision even though I completely understood, and that it was a shame as we could have dated had he been staying here. We talked through it again and he explained the decision again. I mailed him again explaining that it was totally fine; it was the right thing and i'd move on, and we spoke no more of it.

    And then I admit I tried to be 'friends' with him and we didn't really see each other as he was travelling and stuff but we spoke on fb for about a month. We didn't talk about 'that' but about other stuff, we started getting on really well and realised we had a lot in common etc.

    It tended to be me beginning more conversations and stuff, every few days, but he was always receptive and enthusiastic.
    I still hadn't gotten over him, so I ended up explaining to him that I preferred to keep a distance, and that I hoped i'd meet someone as lovely as him in the future, and that it had been such a shame as we liked each other and I'd had rubbish luck with men in the past and i'd been so happy to meet someone like him, but I needed distance to move on.
    At this point, he said he knew I was into him, but didn't mention anything at all about liking me. He agreed it was 'better' to keep distance though.

    After a couple of weeks, I felt a bit better and thought we could be friends, so I started to talk to him again; explaining that I felt in a position to be friends, and he said it was good to hear that I was feeling better.

    then I found out he'd said to a mutual friend that he'd 'lost interest' becuase he'd seen that I was very into him 'right away' and he freaked out a little.

    I felt very embarrassed and instantly regretted my behaviour. It's true that it was kind of love at first sight for me, and my friend said that it tends to take him a bit more time, so it may be that. But does it sound like I was too intense and full-on. Could I have scared him?

    It's not like I asked him to marry me or even that I wanted a serious relationship right away. I didn't constantly talk about my feelings either; just the very first conversation we had, and then again a month later.. does it sound like I was too OTT or not?

    • Thread Starter

    It doesn't matter anymore and he's left now anyway, I just prefer to know for the future. It's true I can fall for people easily; but it's not like that with every guy I meet. I admit I just fell for him right away, but my friend has told me that I scare men off..

    I didn't read your OP but an educated guess would be some combination of: immaturity, insecurity, possible inadequacy, and an over-active mind :innocent:
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