How to deal with my younger brother

Is he scared of any family member, mum or dad etc? Because then you can maybe tell him that I'ma call him and tell em and then watch or something.
Or, tell your mum, but during his fit of rage, voice record it maybe and show your mum so she believes you? :smile:

Hope this helps hun :biggrin:

(edited 7 years ago)

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

So basically my brother is 12 and he gets angry quite easily. When he does get angry he will start swearing excessively.

Today he got annoyed at something and started banging stuff and making loud noises. I told him to stop and he wouldn't listen. Long story short he told me to "**** off" then called me a "******* bastard" and an "imbecile". Later on he said it was "child abuse" because I was shouting at him and then said to me "no wonder you don't have any friends, you're a loner because no one likes you".

He only starts talking like that when my mum is not around so if I told my mum what happened she wouldn't believe me. I was wondering if anyone has any idea on how to control his behaviour or can give me advice.

My brother is the same, he is taller and bigger than me and when he gets angry and punches me it really, really hurts. He kicked me in the stomach the other day. The day before that he kicked and punched me into the sofa because I was standing in the front room for too long and that is "his room". My mum doesn't do anything really, sometimes he gets a light telling off.

My brother sounds exactly like your brother. Once he said "You have no friends, no wonder why your depressed all the time" he was joking but it wasn't funny in the slightest. I wish I could say it was just hormones, but I think they need to be disciplined properly.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

OP

Original post by Reachin4TheStars

Is he scared of any family member, mum or dad etc? Because then you can maybe tell him that I'ma call him and tell em and then watch or something.
Or, tell your mum, but during his fit of rage, voice record it maybe and show your mum so she believes you? :smile:

Hope this helps hun :biggrin:

I have tried recording him swear before but it fails each time, every time I wait with a device near me he doesn't seem to swear. Even if I did tell my mum she would probably go soft on him, he gets away with a lot of stuff

Reply 4

username1044970

Probably a combination of hormones, lack of attention from parents, problems at schools, etc. Shouting at him is unlikely to work. Have you tried to find out why he behaves the way he does?

Reply 5

TeenRose29

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

I have tried recording him swear before but it fails each time, every time I wait with a device near me he doesn't seem to swear. Even if I did tell my mum she would probably go soft on him, he gets away with a lot of stuff

That's sad, maybe try secretly, act like your checking a text or something? & If he sits down and talks to you then ask him if he's going through any problems at school or with friends etc, because that may be the root of this behaviour. :h:

Reply 6

OP

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

My brother is the same, he is taller and bigger than me and when he gets angry and punches me it really, really hurts. He kicked me in the stomach the other day. The day before that he kicked and punched me into the sofa because I was standing in the front room for too long and that is "his room". My mum doesn't do anything really, sometimes he gets a light telling off.

My brother sounds exactly like your brother. Once he said "You have no friends, no wonder why your depressed all the time" he was joking but it wasn't funny in the slightest. I wish I could say it was just hormones, but I think they need to be disciplined properly.

OMG it's so frustrating isn't it? My brother gets away with so much just because he's younger, and my mum always says she expects better behaviour from me even though I haven't done anything bad.

My mum never seems to catch him being aggressive but as soon as I call him an idiot all hell breaks loose.

Reply 7

timebent

2

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

So basically my brother is 12 and he gets angry quite easily. When he does get angry he will start swearing excessively.

Today he got annoyed at something and started banging stuff and making loud noises. I told him to stop and he wouldn't listen. Long story short he told me to "**** off" then called me a "******* bastard" and an "imbecile". Later on he said it was "child abuse" because I was shouting at him and then said to me "no wonder you don't have any friends, you're a loner because no one likes you".

He only starts talking like that when my mum is not around so if I told my mum what happened she wouldn't believe me. I was wondering if anyone has any idea on how to control his behaviour or can give me advice.

record.

Put your phone down press the video option and leave it on the table or whatever or facedown

Reply 8

OP

Original post by Dima-Blackburn

Probably a combination of hormones, lack of attention from parents, problems at schools, etc. Shouting at him is unlikely to work. Have you tried to find out why he behaves the way he does?

Trust me, he gets a lot of loving attention from my mum. He's always like "I love you" to my mum so she believes he's a perfect angel.

As for school he doesn't have any issues but I do know that ever since he started secondary school he's been hanging around other kids who swears so that's probably what influenced him to act like this.

Reply 9

egarna

1

Is there a particular thing that triggers him? Things happening at school? I'd assume there was something behind/provoking the outbursts.

Then it'd be about explaining why the behaviour is wrong 'that's disrespectful and hurt my feelings' but also helping him to deal with all this anger in a more healthy way - going for a kick around in the garden or on his Xbox? (Apologies for the stereotyping). Do you do things together, do you have common interests? It might be an idea to spend time together out doing something - (like crazy golf), to develop your relationship.

Reply 10

drowzee

15

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

X

Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes

X.

Bloody hell. I thought my brother was bad... This makes him look like an angel. You both need to talk to your parents about this properly; some harsh discipline needs to be instilled in their lives, and I mean incredibly harsh. They're at an age where if they haven't been disciplined properly before, then light discipline will not work now. I really don't think a "soft" approach works on boys of that age. They might also be influenced by the people they hang out with at school, so definitely look out for that.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 11

Kanairee

13

It's good to know other people have this problem too. My younger brother is also twelve and will get excessivley angry whenever he has to do something he doesn't want to. He's incredibly stubborn and will swear at me for a pasttime too, (at least he did, I've moved away now.) He would use things he knew I was insecure about whenever he'd exhausted his arsenal of everything else to try and win the argument. I've tried pretty much everything to deal with it, I think it's partly his age, and I think partly he genuinley can't empathise with people. My experience is that smiling about what he says and showing him I don't care only makes him angrier, but it does mean the fight blows over quicker. Just seperate yourself from him: tell him not to speak to you and that you don't want to be around him, then just leave. Often when I do that my brother will sulk and eventually get over it.

The main thing is to not let him wind you up. Letting him do that means he's won because most of the time the extreme behaviour is just to provoke a reaction. Also, being mad at him all the time won't do your health any good. My advice is just to sperate yourself from it

Reply 12

TheonlyMrsHolmes

19

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

OMG it's so frustrating isn't it? My brother gets away with so much just because he's younger, and my mum always says she expects better behaviour from me even though I haven't done anything bad.

My mum never seems to catch him being aggressive but as soon as I call him an idiot all hell breaks loose.

My mum says that I start things by going into his room and stuff, it's really really frustrating.

Reply 13

TheonlyMrsHolmes

19

Original post by drowzee

Bloody hell. I thought my brother was bad... This makes him look like an angel. You both need to talk to your parents about this properly; some harsh discipline needs to be instilled in their lives, and I mean incredibly harsh. They're at an age where if they haven't been disciplined properly before, then light discipline will not work now. I really don't think a "soft" approach works on boys of that age. They might also be influenced by the people they hang out with at school, so definitely look out for that.

My brother is an idiot.

Reply 14

TercioOfParma

It's a real pain in the arse, I have a brother like it too. There isn't really much you can do besides ignoring him and not triggering his temper. He will get over it when puberty is over.

Reply 15

bikiniikilll

9

Omg I'm going through the same situation with my sister and she's 11. She just drives me so mad,I end up shouting and always get told off!-_- she's always the sneaky one and my mum always seem to be on her side. I literally don't know what to do, it's like thus everyday

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Reply 16

OP

Original post by egarna

Is there a particular thing that triggers him? Things happening at school? I'd assume there was something behind/provoking the outbursts.

Then it'd be about explaining why the behaviour is wrong 'that's disrespectful and hurt my feelings' but also helping him to deal with all this anger in a more healthy way - going for a kick around in the garden or on his Xbox? (Apologies for the stereotyping). Do you do things together, do you have common interests? It might be an idea to spend time together out doing something - (like crazy golf), to develop your relationship.

I know he hangs around with kids who swear a lot so that's probably what influenced him.

He also watches a lot of YouTube videos which probably contains a lot of inappropriate language and violence. Whenever anyone goes near him whilst he is watching a video he will quickly turn it off so something is definitely up.

We have nothing in common tbh and he doesn't have an xbox so it wouldn't be easy to develop our relationship.

Reply 17

OP

Original post by TercioOfParma

It's a real pain in the arse, I have a brother like it too. There isn't really much you can do besides ignoring him and not triggering his temper. He will get over it when puberty is over.

Well puberty better hurry tf up, it's so frustrating for me to stay calm during times he is aggressive and rude

Reply 18

Profesh

20

Original post by 1secondsofvamps

So basically my brother is 12 and he gets angry quite easily. When he does get angry he will start swearing excessively.

Today he got annoyed at something and started banging stuff and making loud noises. I told him to stop and he wouldn't listen. Long story short he told me to "**** off" then called me a "******* bastard" and an "imbecile". Later on he said it was "child abuse" because I was shouting at him and then said to me "no wonder you don't have any friends, you're a loner because no one likes you".

He only starts talking like that when my mum is not around so if I told my mum what happened she wouldn't believe me. I was wondering if anyone has any idea on how to control his behaviour or can give me advice.

Record him; then tell your mother to "**** off". Lazy, feckless parenting is a pet-hate of mine.

Reply 19

OP