Cannot stop thinking about this guy! Don't know what to do!

I've met so many people like that, they'd be one person and then the next minute it's as if they took off a mask and showed you a completely different face. This, itself, is already a red flag. This guy is not stable. This is literally proof of that. You are not selfish at all, AT ALL, for not messaging him. Honestly, the mere fact that you feel this way just - imo - speaks of how selfless you are. But as I said, some people don't see this, they just take. I think constantly thinking - hoping - that if you stay around and help him he'll show you the face he showed you before he revealed all of this will only drain you more because, honestly unfortunately, I don't think this is what it'll look like.

You are drained. This is not what a relationship should look like, any kind of relationship; whether it's friendship or more. Even if you text him, I honestly doubt it'll lead anywhere other than the same destructive cycle again.

Honestly, a couple of years ago, I felt exactly the same. I felt like no one took a particular interest in me, but this person did, and I liked that. Obviously, I saw the red flags because they were blaring right in my face, but I choose to ignore them because he liked me. Trust me, it was bad. It was really bad. I was completely walked over and used, and no matter how much I tired to help - I really wanted to help from the bottom of my heart - it was as if I was talking in a foreign language because it lead nowhere. He remained destructive - and mentally in very dark place just as AndrewSCO said - and the only thing that happened was that I was COMPLETELY drained and beyond exhausted from constantly giving. Instead of me pulling him up, he pulled me down.

Which is why I think you should move on, and pick yourself first. So what if no one has an interest in you at the moment? From what I've picked up from your post, you're absolutely wonderful and I'm very sure you'll meet someone stable and ready for a relationship. Until you do, know your worth and enjoy your life.

Obviously, this is only my opinion, you are perfectly free to do whatever you want to do! It's just that keeping in touch with this guy, in my eyes, leads absolutely nowhere.

Well, yeah it was one night/morning. But it's like, I feel like he should message me... And yeah you are so right! Even if he does say sorry, it's like he's not in a state to be in a relationship.

Honestly, I'm just kidding myself that he'll change and say something and things will return to normal and we'll live happily ever happy... And the only thing stopping the happily ever after is me!

And thanks for the last part.



The thing is, what is going forward with him?

He should message you, if he isn't good enough to do it himself he isn't worth it anyway.

You're welcome, I mean it, happy to help

Sorry, I hope you're not annoyed with me. But do you honestly think he should message me? Because I just feel feeling like I'm in the wrong... And how this is my last chance...

Of course not, don't be silly! Genuinely happy to help

Yup absolutely, you two started chatting on a dating app, clearly with the intention of seeking a relationship with each other and he rambled on all night (and morning) about his ex, which every normal person knows is an absolute no-go area. Not only is that a bad point for him, you always very nicely and selflessly listened to him and helped him the whole time which is something he should be thankful for. He owes you for two things, you owe him nothing.

If he had any decency and any real chance for this to progress he'd want to message you and both apologise and thank you. And really, you should be looking for someone who was decent enough to do that too. If he doesn't then it's his loss! You absolutely aren't in the wrong, you're the complete opposite. Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm not the first person in this thread to tell you how lovely you seem so my advice is to go find someone who deserves it

I really am sorry, I know you're probably sick of me.

Even I feel like I'm going round and round in circles. Tbh, you are right. That is the bottom line. But the reason why he did that was because he had depression? And that's what he said on the phone as well...

And I feel like it's that one point that somehow makes me go back... The fact that he wasn't thinking properly...

Does that make sense? Now I'm like he's not messaging me because of his depression...

I promise you aren't annoying me at all! I'd much rather you had someone to talk to and get advice from than sit and be unhappy by yourself

Maybe you should just message him, you'll get an answer one way or another. Otherwise you're just going to worry about him and wonder what if, and it will probably make it harder for the feelings to go away if you don't have any closure. That was the case with me too. Whereas if you send him a message you can either see again that he doesn't care or he can have one final chance to apologise. From talking to you on here it sounds like you need some sort of confirmation for your own piece of mind?

Thank you for this honestly.

Thing is... It's like mentioned previously in this post... Then he'll say something and I'll go back to speaking to him and that's that. But in the end, is there a relationship there? No. If you were telling me this I'd give you the same advice you're giving me... Yet when it's me I seem to keep on thinking about it.

I do want closure and confirmation because that is what I'm like. But now I'm like... Whatever he says I'm just going to go back to speaking to him.

I just constantly blame myself, but the bottom line is why hasn't he messaged me? I'm sat here saying he isn't messaging me because I hung up on him and because I did this and I did that... But what about everything he did?

I don't even know what the best thing is to do...

You're more than welcome

I honestly don't see any situation a relationship is good here, I'm afraid. I completely understand the feeling of kind of wanting to find a reason you can keep talking to him but I think you already know it's not a good idea/worth it.

It's your decision, you can either end it now and move on knowing it's the best thing to do, or send him a message. But I would only send a message with the intention of closing it, tell him you're upset with the way he acted and that clearly a relationship is not on the cards and say goodbye.

However, having been in that position myself, you then just end up waiting to see if they message back, you dream about this ideal message they'd send back to you apologising and if they end up not even replying at all then it doesn't even feel like closure anyway.

I think the best thing to do is just leave it and move on but that's also the hardest thing to do.

I've had a long hard think today about all of this...

I think the best thing to do is not message the guy and basically cut off the contact. I doubt he'll message me and it's exactly like what you said... I'd then be waiting for a reply and then replying back to what he says... That's if he does reply. And it just brings up stuff again.

I think it's just one of those things whereby I'll never know what was going on in his mind and that's it.

I've always wanted closure and that's why I rang him and that didn't go down well. I do have a million questions but what's the point of going round and round about I guess...

Thank you for your advice, you have really helped me. Would it be okay if I private messaged you?

Let me know how it goes OP!

Sorry for not replying earlier... So basically I took all the advice on board and decided enough was enough. I wouldn't message that guy and that would be the end of it.

I went away with my family for a couple of days and whilst I was away I got a message from that guy. It was weird. Because I feel like my mindset has COMPLETELY changed... I went from caring to taking a big step back.

He said he was sorry ect. I replied back to him and I feel like there's a lot of things that I want the answer to. And he's not giving me them answers or he can't give them. It's like too much has happened for us to simply move on.

And it's exactly how you said it would be... I'm now waiting for his reply and wondering this and that. I just feel so alone as well because everyone on here and my friends told me beforehand not to reply and to forget this guy... And now that I've replied back and started talking to him... It's like I've made a fool out of myself.

It's been 12 hours and he's seen the message and not replied. I don't know what to do.

We're not talking properly more just going round and round in circles.

Again, I'm sorry for all of this. I just feel like this thread is the only thing getting me by atm because everyone else just thinks I'm an idiot.

Yet again, I don't know what to do. It's like I moved on, he replied and now I'm back where I started.

I just feel so used. Like people always seem to tell me stuff and then after that, that's it. That's how I feel with this guy as well. Like, he literally went from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds. And suddenly we were talking about his ex girlfriend for 5 hours straight.

I want to message him, but what's holding me back is the fact that he's simply using me for when he wants someone to speak to and that's it.

I don't think you're an idiot at all, or making a fool out of yourself. You did well, you managed to leave it alone and it was only when he messaged you apologising you fell back, which is absolutely fine.

We said him apologising by himself would be a good step, however him then dodging questions again isn't so good. The only reason I'm predicting what's going to happen correctly is because I've been in the exact same position as you so don't worry about it!

If you'd rather PM me we can talk about what questions you asked and what he said etc?

I don't mind PMing you or talking on here? I just don't want to burden you with this. Also, if you don't mind me asking... By helping me what would you get out of it? I suppose from all of this I just think... People don't do anything unless there's something in it for themselves?

I don't mind, just because you mentioned pm'ing me last time.

You aren't burdening me at all, not looking to get anything out it either, just trying to help! Genuinely just like trying to help people if I can, I've been in your situation. If there's someone who's not happy and I can do something to make them feel better then I'll do it. I see it as the best use of my time when I'm just sitting at home on the laptop and there's threads popping up infront of me asking for someone to help