The Student Room Group

I feel so lost and toxic

I am 17 years old, a month ago I started to come to reality and I realized that I am a socially inadequate and socially awkward young man who has no friends. This also lead to me gaining body dismorphia, and low self esteem/insecure.

However, I have been battling this and thankfully I am no longer insecure about my body, I still feel like I am a socially awkward loser tho and despite trying to socialise I am seeing no success.

So then yesterday I couldnt sleep I am constantly thinking about dumb stuff I have done in the past, I talk to myself and I even swear at myself telling myself that the fact that I have no friends is my fault.

But I am forcing myself not to care, however I am now easily agitated and toxic. I feel like i hate everyone, even people on this website. I dont care about making friends now and in my opinion most people can go **** themselves because I know they wouldnt care if i died or whatever.

I want to go out there be happy, make a name for myself, improve myself.However my mind is full of hate,self doubt,lazy, bad habits. I feel like I am stuck although I knownthere is something big out there waiting for me. I know I am special, i have self belief but still nothing is happening or working for me. I still havent been able to find my talent/dream/passion.

Lack of socialising makes this all worse, but noone wants to talk or hang out with me. So ohwell. Before this phase I used to be happy and cool. Just I have no idea now.
Don't worry so much, man. Some people are complete idiots who make it awkward for you to talk much. Probably along the way people have put you down too much. Overall, hang in there. It will get better from here.
Listen though, you need to get out there and do something with your life, and I don't mean just something that is regarded by a bunch of people as being 'cool' or an 'achievement' such as I don't know, getting a girlfriend or something. You are on this earth for a reason, and you should work on achieving your own goals. Next, you sound like you are putting yourself down way too much. Thinking about the past ain't gonna help you mate, forget all of it. See you've "forced yourself not to care" but really you do, and it's eating you up inside. Don't focus on that one bit. "Socially inadequate"? What ****. You have your whole flipping life ahead of you, so just get out there. Yeah and maybe the victories will be small,and maybe you'll take three steps back for every one forward, but don't worry. Literally force yourself to do something productive for 15 minutes a day, apply for a job, study, idk.
Good luck man, I mean it! You deserve better.
Well look at the bright side: things can only get better. you don't have friends? so what, put yourself out there. I'm sure there is at least one person out there who would be happy to engage in a conversation with you. I know its hard, but try not to put yourself down as much, it's not worth it. Instead, think of the future and idk, make a list of things you wanna do or would like to do, so you always have something to look forward to.
If you go to school/college try making a conversation with somebody, others might be in the same position as you.i'm the same age as you and I went through a stage of thinking all my friends were idiots, so i met new people (and im not the most sociable person either), and feel better for it. Get yourself out there, go for it, whats the worst that could happen. Good luck! :smile:
Reply 3
I think I am good with small tapk but i suck at eye contact, talking to girls, sometimes I laugh/smile too much :/ and its like 50% of the time I am an introvert and the other 50% im an introvert. People even call me dopey/highondrugs wtf when i am smart and work hard. I even go gym and I am healthy
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
I think I am good with small tapk but i suck at eye contact, talking to girls, sometimes I laugh/smile too much :/ and its like 50% of the time I am an introvert and the other 50% im an introvert. People even call me dopey/highondrugs wtf when i am smart and work hard. I even go gym and I am healthy

Meant to say sometimes I am an extrovert and sometimes introvert
Original post by Anonymous
I think I am good with small tapk but i suck at eye contact, talking to girls, sometimes I laugh/smile too much :/ and its like 50% of the time I am an introvert and the other 50% im an introvert. People even call me dopey/highondrugs wtf when i am smart and work hard. I even go gym and I am healthy


Im the same but im a girl. Don't worry your not alone :smile:
I strongly recommend counselling. I speak from experience.
Original post by im.a.witch
Im the same but im a girl. Don't worry your not alone :smile:

Me too :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I think I am good with small tapk but i suck at eye contact, talking to girls, sometimes I laugh/smile too much :/ and its like 50% of the time I am an introvert and the other 50% im an introvert. People even call me dopey/highondrugs wtf when i am smart and work hard. I even go gym and I am healthy


People will be grateful if you're good at small talk (not everyone is, you're blessed), too much eye contact squicks most people out, girls are just boys with makeup and hair, you literally CANNOT smile too much. Honestly your problems are 90% in your head. The majority of people don't give a damn if you struggle with conversations and the minority that take it personally are negative people that you don't need in your life hun.

Learn to love yourself - you're not the most outgoing person, so what? You're smart, go to the gym, you're healthy - you've got a lot going for yourself by the sounds of it. Work on your confidence in small steps and you'll find that it's not so bad, but don't force yourself to be social all the time. If you learn to be happy being shy you'll end up more confident for it.

As for lacking friends, a lot of people do. Especially if you're at school or uni you have little in common with those people. Once you get a job or some hobbies you'll make more because they'll share common interests. Or if not find people online :smile:

tl;dr don't beat yourself up over nothing. It's easy to fixate on one thing you hate and blow it up into a big deal. Best of luck
Reply 9
Nah, I dont have most of those (would be cool to have "is really good in something" :biggrin:)

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