Was I raped ??
This happened nearly 3 years ago, I've been struggling to come to terms with it since.
So on 9th December 2013, ex boyfriend came over my house and everything was fine we were having a great time. Things got intimate without getting into much detail. We started having sex but it hurt a lot, I asked him to stop the first time I don't think he herd me than I asked him to stop again I said please stop your hurting me". To much shock he didn't stop he continued he told me to ssh and said I would wake up my younger siblings who were sleeping upstairs and than he put a pillow over the back of my head and carried on. I was so shocked that he did that.
I was in so much pain and was scared he was the love of my life how could he do this? Why would he?
After what seemed like forever but couldn't of been more than 5 minutes he finally stopped and got of me and put the pillow off my face. I was so relieved that he stopped, but than he was standing in front of me and began p holing my arms to him and he was saying come here. he wanted me to give him oral sex, but I was in so much pain I could barely sit on my bum properly. I pushed his hands off and said no please I'm in pain, please I'm serious I don't want to, I begged him to at least give me 5 minutes off I was in so much pain but than he pulled me by my arms with force onto the floor on my knees and put his penis in my mouth. It happened so fast and he made me give him oral sex. He than throw me back on the sofa spread my legs apart and penetrated my vagina it hurt a lot. He than got the pillow and was going to cover my face with it again but I put my hands out and said please don't do that he has aid in I'm being to loud and did it anyway. He pressed the pillow over my face so hard I could feel his hands rubbing against my face. I've never been more scared in my life I couldn't breath or see and I knew something bad was happening to me but didn't know what and was powerless to stop it.
After that, he pulled me back on the floor making me give him oral sex again he than slapped me across the face many times.
It went on and on until he finished in my mouth than he got up and got dressed like nothing had happened. So did I, but deep down I knew something bad happened.
When I confronted him 2 weeks later about the incident p, he tried to play it off and said it never happened like that and it was all in my head and I was crazy.
I kept thinking maybe his right maybe this is all in my head maybe I'm losing my head because why would we hurt me? He was my bf he was suppose to love me. I loved him with my whole life why would he hurt me like that??
If I was crazy than where are all these memories coming from? Why do I have a horrible feeling from the pit of my soul that something bad did happen.
I remember begging him to stop all throughout the night I told him I was in pain, I pushed his hands off looked him in the eyes and told him no please stop but he didn't.
We're no longer together I broke it up because the thought of seeing him again or just being in the same room as him makes me want puke!!
I've spent the last 3 years in and out of mental wards because I thought I was going mad, I started to hear things and see things in my head and was on medication. I'm doing so much better now but I bumped into him last week and I fainted, and woke up in hospital. Was this rape?
I've never been strong enough to say that word was I raped? I would really appreciate some clarity on this.
Thank you
So on 9th December 2013, ex boyfriend came over my house and everything was fine we were having a great time. Things got intimate without getting into much detail. We started having sex but it hurt a lot, I asked him to stop the first time I don't think he herd me than I asked him to stop again I said please stop your hurting me". To much shock he didn't stop he continued he told me to ssh and said I would wake up my younger siblings who were sleeping upstairs and than he put a pillow over the back of my head and carried on. I was so shocked that he did that.
I was in so much pain and was scared he was the love of my life how could he do this? Why would he?
After what seemed like forever but couldn't of been more than 5 minutes he finally stopped and got of me and put the pillow off my face. I was so relieved that he stopped, but than he was standing in front of me and began p holing my arms to him and he was saying come here. he wanted me to give him oral sex, but I was in so much pain I could barely sit on my bum properly. I pushed his hands off and said no please I'm in pain, please I'm serious I don't want to, I begged him to at least give me 5 minutes off I was in so much pain but than he pulled me by my arms with force onto the floor on my knees and put his penis in my mouth. It happened so fast and he made me give him oral sex. He than throw me back on the sofa spread my legs apart and penetrated my vagina it hurt a lot. He than got the pillow and was going to cover my face with it again but I put my hands out and said please don't do that he has aid in I'm being to loud and did it anyway. He pressed the pillow over my face so hard I could feel his hands rubbing against my face. I've never been more scared in my life I couldn't breath or see and I knew something bad was happening to me but didn't know what and was powerless to stop it.
After that, he pulled me back on the floor making me give him oral sex again he than slapped me across the face many times.
It went on and on until he finished in my mouth than he got up and got dressed like nothing had happened. So did I, but deep down I knew something bad happened.
When I confronted him 2 weeks later about the incident p, he tried to play it off and said it never happened like that and it was all in my head and I was crazy.
I kept thinking maybe his right maybe this is all in my head maybe I'm losing my head because why would we hurt me? He was my bf he was suppose to love me. I loved him with my whole life why would he hurt me like that??
If I was crazy than where are all these memories coming from? Why do I have a horrible feeling from the pit of my soul that something bad did happen.
I remember begging him to stop all throughout the night I told him I was in pain, I pushed his hands off looked him in the eyes and told him no please stop but he didn't.
We're no longer together I broke it up because the thought of seeing him again or just being in the same room as him makes me want puke!!
I've spent the last 3 years in and out of mental wards because I thought I was going mad, I started to hear things and see things in my head and was on medication. I'm doing so much better now but I bumped into him last week and I fainted, and woke up in hospital. Was this rape?
I've never been strong enough to say that word was I raped? I would really appreciate some clarity on this.
Thank you
Scroll to see replies
Yes. You asked him to stop and he didn't. It doesn't matter if you initially consented, as soon as you withdraw your consent that should be it. He acted without your consent. I am sorry that happened to you.What support do you currently have?
Yeah, there's no two ways about it tbh
That's like the most obvious rape ever, but considering it's three years ago I doubt he could be prosecuted due to hearsay and lack of evidence (three years later). Really sorry this happened to you though, if it ever happens again - go immediately to the Police and your lawyers.
Unfortunately yes, but I dont think there is anything you can do about it besides try to get help and move past it, which it seems like you are trying. Have you been to any counselling or therapy about it? You passing o on seeing him seems like some kind of PTS, so I would definitely get some professional help for that
Agree with everyone else that this was definately rape. Make an appointment to see your doctor and tell him what happened and how you are still affected by it. He will be able to refer you on to counselling, if that is what you want. There is also a Rape Crisis telephone helpline I think. You can speak to someone confidentially over the phone without giving your name or personal details that would identify you.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by markova21
Agree with everyone else that this was definately rape. Make an appointment to see your doctor and tell him what happened and how you are still affected by it. He will be able to refer you on to counselling, if that is what you want. There is also a Rape Crisis telephone helpline I think. You can speak to someone confidentially over the phone without giving your name or personal details that would identify you.
they dont really do anything about it bar send you a rape alarm
Hello, yes you were raped.
Maybe you should consider getting some counselling or support.
If you ever want to talk about anything related to this or how to cope with it, just drop me a PM as I can help you. You arent alone, stay strong xx
Maybe you should consider getting some counselling or support.
If you ever want to talk about anything related to this or how to cope with it, just drop me a PM as I can help you. You arent alone, stay strong xx
Original post by shawtyb
they dont really do anything about it bar send you a rape alarm
Do they not? I didn't know this. Surprising to hear. I thought they had some sort of a telephone counselling service.
Original post by markova21
Do they not? I didn't know this. Surprising to hear. I thought they had some sort of a telephone counselling service.
yea i was pretty disappointed too. literally one phone call thats it (and theey do ask for your address to send the rape alarm)
Yes it's rape, sorry this happened to you.
Have you gotten any help? With counselling etc?
I'm here anytime you want to talk,please feel free to pm me.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Have you gotten any help? With counselling etc?
I'm here anytime you want to talk,please feel free to pm me.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by shawtyb
they dont really do anything about it bar send you a rape alarm
That wasn't the case for me.
Original post by Lizzipth_Floyd
That wasn't the case for me.
was for me and nothing else came of it after that
Hi,
everyone thank you all so much for your support and suggestions.
I was 19 when this happened I was in my first year of uni, studying Law. But I soon dropped out, 4 days after it happened I told a uni counsellor what happened and she convinced me to go to the havens and be examined so I did, but I didn't think it was rape. Well I tried to convince myself it wasn't rape and he just got carried away or didn't know what he was doing. I loved him I didn't want to believe that he would intentionionally hurt me.
When I was medically examined the nurse said I had some injuries, between my legs it really hurt as well as my anus there was some bleeding there too, I also had some bruisers on my arm things and head, he was really rough with me and he really hurt me physically.
She took samples and took pictures.
Anyway I later told them to destroy the samples because in my head I wasn't raped.
And no I've had any counselling. I was hospitalised twice in the last 3 years and was on all sorts of anti depressants medications.
I know it's to late to report this to the police now, I don't even know how I can begin to deal with this. I really convinced myself i was made so I wouldn't have to deal with what happened.
Since my trip to the mental ward last January I was doing really well, I decided this never happened and I will move on with my life. I got myself a job and was planning on heading back to uni this September.
I just don't know how I'm going to explain the nearly 3 years of gap I have and why I dropped out of uni initially.
Life was starting to look up for me and than I bumped into him last week, and it's like I'm back at square 1 again. I've been having bad panic attacks and not sleeping it's brought that night I worked so hard to forget back.
I don't have much support, we have mutual friends.
Thank you again for all your support.
everyone thank you all so much for your support and suggestions.
I was 19 when this happened I was in my first year of uni, studying Law. But I soon dropped out, 4 days after it happened I told a uni counsellor what happened and she convinced me to go to the havens and be examined so I did, but I didn't think it was rape. Well I tried to convince myself it wasn't rape and he just got carried away or didn't know what he was doing. I loved him I didn't want to believe that he would intentionionally hurt me.
When I was medically examined the nurse said I had some injuries, between my legs it really hurt as well as my anus there was some bleeding there too, I also had some bruisers on my arm things and head, he was really rough with me and he really hurt me physically.
She took samples and took pictures.
Anyway I later told them to destroy the samples because in my head I wasn't raped.
And no I've had any counselling. I was hospitalised twice in the last 3 years and was on all sorts of anti depressants medications.
I know it's to late to report this to the police now, I don't even know how I can begin to deal with this. I really convinced myself i was made so I wouldn't have to deal with what happened.
Since my trip to the mental ward last January I was doing really well, I decided this never happened and I will move on with my life. I got myself a job and was planning on heading back to uni this September.
I just don't know how I'm going to explain the nearly 3 years of gap I have and why I dropped out of uni initially.
Life was starting to look up for me and than I bumped into him last week, and it's like I'm back at square 1 again. I've been having bad panic attacks and not sleeping it's brought that night I worked so hard to forget back.
I don't have much support, we have mutual friends.
Thank you again for all your support.
Yes you were. You said no and he continued regardless. This has of course affected you greatly and may do for the rest of your life. If you don't do anything about it you may feel worse and regret it. You deserve help, support and justice. Not to mention, who's to say he wouldn't do the same thing to another girl?
It is NOT your fault. You deserve to live as happily and safe as you can, with just a little help.
Take a look at this site if you can - https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-sexual-assault-and-sexual-harassment
This is especially important -
Was it my fault?Whatever the circumstances, nobody has the right to force you to have sex, have sex with you without your consent, or sexually assault or harass you. If this happens to you, it is not your fault. However, many people worry about reporting rape and sexual assault to the police because they:No matter what happened, the police will take it very seriously, and there are lots of organisations, like Victim Support, who can help you think about what you can do next.This happened a long time ago, is there anything I can do?Some survivors of sexual assault and rape take many years to acknowledge that they’ve been a victim and find it hard to take steps to get help. But it’s never too late. We can find the best person to support you, depending on what you decide you want to do. If you want to report the crime to the police, this is still a possibility. Even if you got support at the time, you can still get more support now, as there may be things that happen which still scare you or worry you.
It is NOT your fault. You deserve to live as happily and safe as you can, with just a little help.
Take a look at this site if you can - https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-sexual-assault-and-sexual-harassment
This is especially important -
Was it my fault?Whatever the circumstances, nobody has the right to force you to have sex, have sex with you without your consent, or sexually assault or harass you. If this happens to you, it is not your fault. However, many people worry about reporting rape and sexual assault to the police because they:
•
had been drinking alcohol or taking drugs at the time
•
are in a relationship with or know the person who attacked them
•
have had a sexual relationship with that person before
•
had been kissing or touching that person before the attack
•
were with someone of the same sex (gay or lesbian relationship)
•
didn’t say ‘no’ or didn’t fight back
•
can’t really remember it properly.
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