This is a bit of a weird post, but I think it would be better if I describe my story. Generally, I am not an anxious person, however, one particular event(s) in my life which when I bring to mind makes me feel anxious:
So a couple of years ago I was introduced to a band, a reggae band to be precise, and was ok at playing the music because I always had people write out the music for me. So whenever I needed to play something, I could. I play saxophone by the way.
However, over the next coming gigs the people who wrote out such music for me will no longer be around, and some of the songs I will probably need to learn have some solos in. It's hard to describe, but I really don't feel comfortable thinking about rehearsal, in which I might be expected to play something on the spot, but I can't. I just keep imaging the things that could happen, the upset looks, the disappointed ones and the reactions the band members may have. I keep telling myself that the worse that could happen is me getting kicked out of the band, and in all honesty, I'm fine with that. It's more of thinking of the process that may happen while I am in the band, such as not being able to play the music etc.
Sometimes I think about quitting. In all honesty, I do feel this would remove my anxiety away, but my parents don't want this, and part of me doesn't want it too. I do like to play music, but the anxious thoughts that come with me participating in this band are horrible. Every time I think about it, my chest feels like it is filled with butterflies and nervousness. So far, I have dealt with it by forgetting about it. This works for short periods of times. I just don't think about it and it leaves my mind, plenty of other things happening in my life and so that helps. Sometimes I try to practice a bit longer because it makes me feel I am learning more, and so would be of more benefit towards the band.
All I was wondering was this. These thoughts I get about rehearsing with them and their reactions etc, do you think they actually matter? Is it best just to go in with the attitude with the fact if they don't like me they don't have to have me?Also, what other methods do you use to maybe treat these kinds of thoughts?
I know this is a really weird post and may not have much question to it, but I just felt the need to post here maybe. I was also wondering if anyone shares a similar thing, in which anxiety is triggered by a specific thought rather than an everyday occurrence?
Mild Anxiety (Anxious thoughts)
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