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Can anyone explain this strange behaviour

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TSR's new app is coming! Sign up here to try it first >> 17-10-2016
    • Thread Starter

    Last week my boyfriend broke up with me. At the time I felt it was all a misunderstanding and after a bit of time he would see this. Yesterday he said the most shocking things but none of it makes sense and I am hoping someone can explain this to me as I can't.
    (I am sorry this will be very long).

    First please understand our relationship. If you saw us you would have thought we were the closest and sweetest couple you had ever met. (People said that before). Even 2 weeks ago you would have seen this. We both had fallen completely in love with each and I was the first girl he had ever loved. We had been dating for a year and 3 months of which we had been living together for 8 months. Living together was so easy and really thought he was the one and nothing could break our relationship. We had a cat together and honestly felt he could be the one I could live the rest of my life with. I am also his longest relationship by a really long way!

    The other thing you need to know to understand this story is about me. I am your typical 'good girl':
    - I don't go out clubbing often. Maybe once a month or less (where I live that is nothing!). When I do I get back earlier than he does
    - I have a lot of morals and I am quite vocal about them
    - I don't believe in sex outside of a realationship and think one night stands are completely disgusting (personally). I told him that I thought it was disgusting that he had been with so many girls.
    - I think sex is very small part of relationships
    - I am a very open and honest person. Sometimes too honest and blunt.
    - I drink but not to get drunk, especially me and alcahol is not a good combination and makes me sick the next day. Sometimes I get carried away but it is rare to say the least (probably once a year)
    - I have never smoked and don't believe in doing drugs at all. I feel uncomfortable around people who do.
    - I go to church and feel although I am not perfect I am quite a good christian. I am a chalice bearer at church and well liked and a big part of the church community.

    Two weeks ago my ex's comments made me feel he was getting suspicious of me. He made jokes about me being with other men and wanting to be with other men. He said later they were just comments and he thought they were just funny. I felt something in his mind felt they were true. Despite the fact I tell him everything about my day. Then on the Friday we were still this lovely couple but for the first time ever he asked who I was on the phone to. So on the Saturday I met a friend randomly and thought with everything going on that week he would jump to conclusions and like you do in these situations his imagination would run wild. So maybe it was a bad judgement call but for the first time in our relationship I lied. I told him I was still with the same girlfriend from earlier. For the sake of 2 hours he would be the lesser of two evils. But one of his friends saw us together and told him. I was deverstated and I tried explaining then and the following day but he told me I was lying still and described my story as 'sketchy' (hint for why I lied in the first place). He didn't believe a word I said. I gave him space and thought that he would see the real me and this was a misunderstanding. Six days later once I calmed down I explained again. I explained the parts that he felt were 'sketchy' and how they actual matched perfectly to what I said. I offered my phone as I had nothing to fear and nothing to hide. I also told him to speak to his friends who saw us as they would tell him that there was no physical contact in anyway, we clearly were not together or acting in an inappropriate way. I said he had to look at our whole relationship and everything I believe and then he had to decide which version of me was the true one: the girl he knew for over a year and lived with or the one who he saw on one day. It was met with silence.

    Two days later, i.e. yesterday, he then said the most shocking things ever. I acted normal and at this point thought we could work things out. We were sorting out when to meet and transfer everything into my name. I told him I had listened to what he had said about me not going out enough and need more friends. He said he didn't care about my social life and to keep it to myself. He then accused me still of cheating and lying and the line that hurt me the most was: "You are dillutional. I hope that during this time you do some soul searching and for the sake of future relationships you stop going out, getting drunk and sleeping around. Unfortunately knowing you the latter is probably more likely". He essentially said that everything I had ever believed in so strongly was a complete joke and my whole image was a cover up. I promise you there is nothing more to it than this as I am sure anyonr reading this will feel there is something missing.

    To say I am confused is an understatement! I don't understand how someone who knows me so well doesn't know me at all. I don't get how I barely go out while he goes out all the time, yet I am apparently the one who likes that scene and likes getting drunk. I am the one who says he is disgusting for sleeping with so many girls, while he is the only guy I have been with in well over 2 years! Yet I am the one who likes sleeping around. I have never seen this before and I am so confused what is going on. I don't get how a week ago he told me I was too dependant on him, I spend too much time with him, we don't get enough space and I need more time with my friends. Yet apparently according to him I have been cheating on him for some time. Like I said it isn't that me and I am so lost.

    I am starting to see why he has never had a long term relationship. I also think he never will. I was upset last week but now I have realised that all I did was make a bad judgement call (which now looking at it I was right). I now feel this was a lucky escape because he is a ticking bomb and has serious issues that I don't understand and have never seen this before. If this is what he is like with a girl who has so many morals, is so open and honest (whether he liked it or not), who doesn't go out very often and doesn't drink much, then imagine what he will be like with any other girl on this planet.

    So I would be greatful is anyone could shed any light on this at all. I just don't understand it and feel so hurt that this is his image of me.

    I'm getting the feeling that maybe he might have cheated or done something that you would not approve of and now he is trying to shift his guilt by accusing and being suspicious of you as a cover up. Best thing to do is either talk to him about how you feel and everything you have said and see if you can work it out or simply just cut him off even though that will probably be hard its best for the long run. Good luck <3
    • Thread Starter

    (Original post by bluemadhatter)
    I'm getting the feeling that maybe he might have cheated or done something that you would not approve of and now he is trying to shift his guilt by accusing and being suspicious of you as a cover up. Best thing to do is either talk to him about how you feel and everything you have said and see if you can work it out or simply just cut him off even though that will probably be hard its best for the long run. Good luck <3
    Thanks. I was thinking the same thing. I also remembered that a few weeks back I wanted to go out with some friends and he said wasn't going out if I was going out to the same area. We are talking an area of about 10 streets and where there are literally hundreds of people and probably 100 bars. I respected his space and although I found it odd I didn't think much of it at the time. In the end I managed to persuade my friends to go to a quieter area about a mile from where he was. Now I am starting to wonder if I am missing something and he was trying to cover up his own cheating.

    If he is behaving in such a way that makes you feel you have to lie to avoid him getting jealous and suspicious, then it is not a healthy relationship. Regardless of his motives, at this point the relationship isn't healthy and he has been emotionally abusive at certain points.
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