No contact for two weeks! Can I fix it?

I'm sorry if this is too long, I'll try and keep it short. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 7 months. We got on so so well! We had been friends before we started seeing each other and we had a real connection. Things started to get a bit rocky over the last month or so and to be honest we were only meeting up once or twice a month for sex. We were still in contact and would talk on the phone but we really weren't seeing much of each other. He is scared of relationships but he always said how happy I made him and that he would commit someday but wanted to take it slow. I held on for a while hoping that maybe things would change and it was pretty upsetting. My family hating seeing my cry and so miserable so they messaged him on Facebook telling me to leave me alone. He told me it would be best if he walked away and it was good between us while it lasted. He then blocked me 😞My cousin was quite rude to him to be honest and my mum told him to block me. He text me on whatsapp saying he treated me really badly and I'll realise that Then it'll be time to talk if I still want to. My mum and him were still messaging on Facebook at this point and he said he was so sorry, he wishes he could make it up to me and if there was anything he could do she was to let him know. My mum told him if he could make me happy then she wouldn't stand in his way. He told her how much he cared about me and that he would have a serious think about it. He said he can't deny how well we get on and it would make my mum smile if she saw it, which is true. He Kept saying how much he cared about me and he wants to make it right. I told him before we started no contact that I still wanted to friends and he said he would like that too. Also, he would maybe speak to me in a few weeks time. He doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but he says it's the right thing to do. He told my mum "as far as she's concerned, we're not speaking at the minute" which I took to mean he hasn't fallen out with me completely.Do do you think we have a chance at all? I really really want to give us another go!! I DID NOT want my family involved at all but they didn't see why he couldn't be my boyfriend. I explained that he is scared of relationships. He told me not to give them a hard time for messaging him because they done they right thing. Also, he does drink quite a lot. Not to the scale of an alcoholic but he says he needs to make a decision with a clear head. I'm just so confused.

Honestly you sound really keen, but the whole situation sounds a mess. its hardly as though he is walking over broken gladd to make up with you rather he is just saying waht you wnat to hear and he doesnt sound that into you at all..

Having your mum in the relationship is really strange as is all the social media stuff.

If I was putting money on it I would say if you did get back together it will be more of the same and then fizzle out. Boys often speak a load of tosh and be dramaic about relationships becayse thats what they think they ought to be saying or the other person wnats to hear.
If you go back then set some guidelines and review it after 3 months to see whether you are both making the chnages needed.

It doesnt look positive to me, but its your decision to make.

ps the 2 weeks inst a problem, just all the other stuff.

I'm sorry if this is too long, I'll try and keep it short. Me and my boyfriend were going out for 7 months. We got on so so well! We had been friends before we started seeing each other and we had a real connection. Things started to get a bit rocky over the last month or so and to be honest we were only meeting up once or twice a month for sex. We were still in contact and would talk on the phone but we really weren't seeing much of each other. He is scared of relationships but he always said how happy I made him and that he would commit someday but wanted to take it slow. I held on for a while hoping that maybe things would change and it was pretty upsetting. My family hating seeing my cry and so miserable so they messaged him on Facebook telling me to leave me alone. He told me it would be best if he walked away and it was good between us while it lasted. He then blocked me 😞My cousin was quite rude to him to be honest and my mum told him to block me. He text me on whatsapp saying he treated me really badly and I'll realise that Then it'll be time to talk if I still want to. My mum and him were still messaging on Facebook at this point and he said he was so sorry, he wishes he could make it up to me and if there was anything he could do she was to let him know. My mum told him if he could make me happy then she wouldn't stand in his way. He told her how much he cared about me and that he would have a serious think about it. He said he can't deny how well we get on and it would make my mum smile if she saw it, which is true. He Kept saying how much he cared about me and he wants to make it right. I told him before we started no contact that I still wanted to friends and he said he would like that too. Also, he would maybe speak to me in a few weeks time. He doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but he says it's the right thing to do. He told my mum "as far as she's concerned, we're not speaking at the minute" which I took to mean he hasn't fallen out with me completely.Do do you think we have a chance at all? I really really want to give us another go!! I DID NOT want my family involved at all but they didn't see why he couldn't be my boyfriend. I explained that he is scared of relationships. He told me not to give them a hard time for messaging him because they done they right thing. Also, he does drink quite a lot. Not to the scale of an alcoholic but he says he needs to make a decision with a clear head. I'm just so confused.

Thanks for the advice! My mum had initially told him not to have any more contact with me and he said he was genuinely sorry for everything and he wishes he could make it up to me and that he really does care about me and that I'm hurting. My mum told him that if he can genuinely make me happy then she will not stand in his way. He the replied by saying that relationships do scare him but he can't deny how well we got on and he will have a serious think about it and when he's finished, he will do the right thing. She said she doesn't mind if we even stay friends as long as he starts showing me some respect and he said "you have my word that I'll respect her. I know it doesn't mean much but I you have my word." That was two weeks ago and she hasn't spoken to him since. I've told her not to get involved anymore and that I didn't want her saying anything to him in the first place. He told me not to give them a hard time about because they done the right thing opening his eyes to his behaviour. I don't know how much longer to leave no contact. People say 30 days but that seems so long. I would be willing to give it another go providing things do change.

first things first here, you sound very overly keen (to the point of even a little bit obsessed - not to be offensive just saying it how i see it) on this lad, who from what i am reading is using you as a "friend with benefits", you say you only meet up for sex and he is scared of relationships, but does care about... I have heard this all before from people and trust me they really dont care that much, if they wanted a relationship with commitment they would have done it already, half the time they are not scared but just like the way things are going with the fwb lifestyle. Sorry to break it to you but that is how it comes across.
- can i also point out that you cannot call him your boyfriend if that isn't what he wants.

You really need to get your parents out of the mixture here, i know they mean well but it is toxic to have them messaging him and calling the shots on your love life, yes they can have an opinion but they should only voice that to you rather than interfering and going that step further. I would sit down with your family and tell them that you are unhappy with the way they interfered like that, and although you appreciate their concern it would be better to let you handle the situation yourself.

Please stop crying over this boy, its really not worth getting depressed over if he isnt willing to make the commitment. To me it seems like your the one sitting back and accepting everything he is saying and getting hurt, when it shouldnt be like that. If you are not happy with the casual non-committed relationship going on for any longer and he is afraid of any commitment then there is absolutely no compromise and you are just not compatible, so sit down on your own and have a long hard think about what you want out of this relationship, and if he cant give it to you find someone else who will.

It all sounds time consuming.

Just phone him or send him some communication asking him to get in touch within the next x days so that you cna discuss things. Things may have been going on but it takes 1 min to send some form of communication. If he doesnt then you have your answer. He could ofc have been run over or soemthing.

Fretting is a waste of time. Everything youve saud about him makes him sound like he will talk a load of rubbish about respect etc imo its not soemthing they learn overnight. You have to make your own mistakes though so give it a try, but dont let it drag on. If its not working, then its unlikely it ever will imo.

ps the 2 weeks inst a problem, just all the other stuff.

The last girl he was seeing for a year and a half and they ended it because there was no commitment. That should've been a red flag for me really. But he told me he's never been this comfortable with any girl before. He a complete introvert who gets edgy around new people and he said he's always just himself with me and he loves that. I'm just so confused and sort my own head out too.

I can see what you mean about me sounding overly keen and I understand that. I don't mean it to seem that way. I guess I just wish things were like they were at the start. He made such a effort and was so loving and caring. He told me that he loved me after about two months and I said I did too. We then decided we'd be in a proper relationship which was great. After another month though he started to panic and we talked about it. I suggested we should maybe take some time to slow things down and take the label off us. It was ok then but we started seeing each other less which was beyond crap. I hated waiting for him to text and call me back when he felt like it. I know that's no way to really treat anyone and he admitted it. He text me two weeks ago saying I will realise how he treated me and it will be time enough then to talk if I still wanted to. He said he doesn't want to particularly stop speaking to me for a while but it's the right thing to do for now. I will never ever talk to my family about any relationships again. Trust me. Worst mistake ever.

Its not a mistake talking to your family about relationships at all, actually that is a very important thing which I wish I did more, it means when your having problems they understand and can help support you, the issue if your family just went all psycho crazy on this guy and that isnt right at all, its non of their business and they should have let you talk to him.

Im going to be brutally honest and say that I dont think this will ever work, he is commitment intolerant and that isnt what you are looking for (I can tell that from what your posting here). Trust me when I say I know how you feel, I was 3.5 years into my current relationship when I went to uni and the distance apart challenged our commitment to eachother as a couple, we both questioned whether it would work and both ended up very upset for a good month until we grew up, sat down together and talked it through. You have to be on the same page in a relationship or it wont work!!

My best advice is call him, arrange a time for you two to meet to discuss things, go in knowing what you want out of the relationship and dont take to much of a compromise. your young and have your whole life ahead of you, there are plenty more fish in the sea who will appreciate you and make that commitment so down waste your time or your tears on someone who doesnt care.

hoping it all works out well for you x

I'm sorry for sounding stupid or anything, but what do you mean by the two weeks isn't a problem?

If you never ask, then you never find out.

I was referring to the fact that your friends presumably were saying 30 days and you were worried that was too long. I honestly get a massive feeling that you are the one doing all the worrying and fretting, but he isnt that bothered based on what you have said. Its not about waiting a further two weeks, but everything else you have said that raises alarm bells.

He could ofc be busy, but he could ofc be lazy, keepong his options open for booty calls. men also dont like facing up to the truth hence the drama rather thna just saying its not working, talking to you and working on a compromise of changed behaviour to make things better for both of you. Honestly you can do better. Relationships cna run their course, accept it worked for a while, but now you arent compatible enough to see it out in the medium and long turn.


Get a clear idea of what you want, send him the message and if he ignores it, then you have your answer. he just sounds lazy and immature (all part of growing up), but where you are concerned he isnt going to put the effort in so you cna recpature the excitement and buzz when you first met. If he wnats to sort it out then agree on a compromise and some things you need him to do, assess it in a 4-6 weeks and if its not working call it a day. That way you gave it every chance and can move on. For it to work then it has to work for both and it looks like it works for neither.

If you never ask, then you never find out.

I was referring to the fact that your friends presumably were saying 30 days and you were worried that was too long. I honestly get a massive feeling that you are the one doing all the worrying and fretting, but he isnt that bothered based on what you have said. Its not about waiting a further two weeks, but everything else you have said that raises alarm bells.

He could ofc be busy, but he could ofc be lazy, keepong his options open for booty calls. men also dont like facing up to the truth hence the drama rather thna just saying its not working, talking to you and working on a compromise of changed behaviour to make things better for both of you. Honestly you can do better. Relationships cna run their course, accept it worked for a while, but now you arent compatible enough to see it out in the medium and long turn.


Get a clear idea of what you want, send him the message and if he ignores it, then you have your answer. he just sounds lazy and immature (all part of growing up), but where you are concerned he isnt going to put the effort in so you cna recpature the excitement and buzz when you first met. If he wnats to sort it out then agree on a compromise and some things you need him to do, assess it in a 4-6 weeks and if its not working call it a day. That way you gave it every chance and can move on. For it to work then it has to work for both and it looks like it works for neither.

Also, when you said keeping his options open for booty calls? Are you referring to me? I really don't want it to go back to that again.

I should draw you a map or something.

This is how my brain would work.

1. You are going to work out what you want.
2. then you are going to agree a comrpomise with him and give it another shot.
3. you will have an open mind and expect him to listen to you and you to him.
4. Give it 4-6 weeks and then decode if its working and he is doing his side.
5. Have an open mind. It might work.
6. Its your choice to do this and nobody elses business, but you are only investing 2 months max. it could be less.
7. Sometimes you only learn when you make your own mistakes.
8. I cnat really see how you cna aboid relationship talk becayse you are seeking to try and do soemthing together and how will you ever do that except by communicating with each other. If you dont talk then it will be more of the same of what you had before.
9. If he wont talk then you have your answer really.
10. If you dont see him making an effort, nudge slightly but tbh its showing he isnt doing it boluntarily and id be cautious.
11. Treat what he says when he mention love, hurt, care etc with a ppinch of salt and see if he backs it up with actions and behaviour that reflect that. Words are cheap, but very effective.
12. If he starts crying- dont gooo ahhh hes som vulnerable, but treat it with a massive pinch of salt.
13. When you come out the other end it might have worked or it might not have. In the case of the latter , you then know you have tried and also you will have learnt from the situation and can use it next time.
14. People cna be very selfish in relationships, it cna be they just consider themselves hence convenient booty calls. Dont get used.

Your advice really is amazing!! Thankyou!!