I have several reasons to be worried about myself, and its getting harder and harder to cope everyday.
Firstly, I'm worried I experience anxiety attacks. This has a bit of a story to it. Basically about three, maybe four, years ago I started having these experiences I like to call "flashy backy things" They are very odd, I get triggered by something (usually something that makes me think of my childhood, like the tv show milkshake does frequently) and it feels like a dream or some kind of sequence is happening in my head, but i cant explain it and afterwards I can't remember it, I just know it happened, it's like a wall is blocking my thoughts. I can't hear or see properly and I go lightheaded and have to sit down, a feeling similar to motion sickness. And it has made me throw up once. I got diagnosed with "atypical" (meaning regular) migraines, but I feel I didn't explain right to the doctor, because the only medication that did work was propranolol (maybe wrong spelling) , also used for anxiety medication. Anyway, they came back afterwards and I still have them, but I also regularly get the feeling of motion sickness when I haven't been in motion too. And to top it all of i am extremely squeamish and when I say extremely, I mean every person who has seen how I get thinks its weird and I am often the most squeamish person they have met. And this is a similar feeling also, that I get when I go all sick, it feels like a wave though, like a ghost walking through me, but it makes me sweat.
Secondly, I am a generally anxious person, I worry and get myself worked up about stupid stuff all the time, it makes me cry a lot and feel sick. A good example is that I am unable to wee in public places, like I literally cannot, no matter how desperate I am, even at my best friends house, and even just when she comes over to mine, I struggle then. Because of this I had to cancel a residential visit because I knew it would end up making me ill.
Thirdly, I get upset very easily, recently its getting worse and worse, I am finding everything to make me upset and cry. My boyfriend said he couldn't see me for a week because of work and all I can do is cry. I hate being alone, all my friends are on this residential visit and I feel like he doesn't want me. I dont even know if im overreacting? I also self harm, its only been a week, but I used to a year and a half ago when I was in a pressurising relationship and my parents were splitting up and my grandad died, it just made all my feelings well up, and it was awful, and so I started and I can't stop, it just helps.
And lastly, I'm having awful mood swings recently, my boyfriend is noticing especially because one moment I'm hyper and want to go on an adventure somewhere random and make loads of plans and then the next all I want to do is sleep and then I had a breakdown in front of him because I was paranoid that all he wanted was sex, though it clearly wasn't the case.
Am I crazy? It really is driving me insane to be in my own mind, and I thank you so much for any replies, I'm sorry this was so long.
I'm concerned about my mental health
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