Are certain things inappropriate in a relationship? Are boundaries bad?

Likewise with something like making new friends of the opposite sex and spending a lot of 1 on 1 time with them is just disrespectful and inappropriate. It is not 'controlling' to find certain things inappropriate whilst in a relationship, like I said I don't control my gf but if she were to do something which I consider disrespectful or inappropriate, I would just leave or never have gotten with her in the first place. I don't see how that is 'controlling,' it's about having boundaries.

My partner is about to do her masters year in a new University in a new city, She is going as a mature student and is very social and outgoing. She IS going to make new friends of all genders - not to mention shes bisexual. Today she is going to the Pride festival in this new city. By your idealology I should be considering this inappropriate. Better for her not to have no new friends and spend her whole time alone or with me. That is not boundaries that is you projecting your insecurities onto her. Youre whole post is about that. Boundaries exist of course - my partner knows exactly what she can and cant do, she doesnt need to reiterate them to her. Oh and in regards to my boundries my best friend is female, i spend a lot of time with her and her children - we also slept togother once, my partner knows this. But my partner knows me and knows id never cross that line, even when/if ive had a drink. And as for drink - yes inhibitions get lowered but you are still in control, you still know right from wrong. Those boundaries are still present - the same with my partner.

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*Exactly what boundaries do you have? I didn't say making new friends is bad i said making new friends of the opossite sex and spending a lot of time with them alone is inapropriate. I presume your best friend is someone you knew before your girlfriend in which case it's perfectly acceptable. I do not understand however that if you are in a relationship why you would pursue another girl and sleep with her/spend time with her kids and spend time with her 1 on 1. I don't reiterate to my gf, everyones boundaries differ so she wouldn't know what mine were unless i told her. It's not an insecurity its a principle and why is that a bad thing? Your significant other should rank 1st amongst your female friends.. If she doesnt then why are you with her? Makes more sense to just be friends with benefits or have some other kind of arrangement as opposed to saying your committed to one girl.*

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*Exactly what boundaries do you have? I didn't say making new friends is bad i said making new friends of the opossite sex and spending a lot of time with them alone is inapropriate. I presume your best friend is someone you knew before your girlfriend in which case it's perfectly acceptable. I do not understand however that if you are in a relationship why you would pursue another girl and sleep with her/spend time with her kids and spend time with her 1 on 1. I don't reiterate to my gf, everyones boundaries differ so she wouldn't know what mine were unless i told her. It's not an insecurity its a principle and why is that a bad thing? Your significant other should rank 1st amongst your female friends.. If she doesnt then why are you with her? Makes more sense to just be friends with benefits or have some other kind of arrangement as opposed to saying your committed to one girl.*

First off - i didnt pursue, it was a ONS that happened when we first met, nothing more came of it and we have only ever been platonic since then.

our boundaries are that I/she doesnt cheat. At the end of the day who her friends are is entirely down to her.;I trust her to always come back to me and if someone does try it on (and it will happen shes very attractive) i trust her to put them in thier place the same as i do when it happens to me.

Why is it acceptable just because i knew them prior? People can make new friends all the time and can sleep with someone they've known six weeks or six years - Though in actuality Ive known my partner and she has been one of my best friends for the last four years. My platonic friend about a year ago. So i met her after i knew my partner but before we got together.

My s/o is my best friend but I'm allowed have other friends including ones i am very close to.

Do not presume that just because two people are alone together they are going to sleep with each other. Both myself and my platonic friend have partners (oh and he is fine with her having a male best friend)

As for you not understanding to be blunt thats your issue not mine. Ive heard such talk about what is and isnt inappropriate before and frankly its a major red flag.

Its not a principle its an insecurity. Its a control issue brought about by lack of confidence in your relationship. You can bandy it up all you like - but ultimately it boils down to YOU trying to tell her who how and where she can and cant see.

You've got issues if you don't like your partner spending time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Most of my friends are male. And that's really it. And yes, their partners are well that we meet up and what we do and no, they don't care, because they've got no reason not trust each other.

First off - i didnt pursue, it was a ONS that happened when we first met, nothing more came of it and we have only ever been platonic since then.

our boundaries are that I/she doesnt cheat. At the end of the day who her friends are is entirely down to her.;I trust her to always come back to me and if someone does try it on (and it will happen shes very attractive) i trust her to put them in thier place the same as i do when it happens to me.

Why is it acceptable just because i knew them prior? People can make new friends all the time and can sleep with someone they've known six weeks or six years - Though in actuality Ive known my partner and she has been one of my best friends for the last four years. My platonic friend about a year ago. So i met her after i knew my partner but before we got together.

My s/o is my best friend but I'm allowed have other friends including ones i am very close to.

Do not presume that just because two people are alone together they are going to sleep with each other. Both myself and my platonic friend have partners (oh and he is fine with her having a male best friend)

As for you not understanding to be blunt thats your issue not mine. Ive heard such talk about what is and isnt inappropriate before and frankly its a major red flag.

Its not a principle its an insecurity. Its a control issue brought about by lack of confidence in your relationship. You can bandy it up all you like - but ultimately it boils down to YOU trying to tell her who how and where she can and cant see.

You've got issues if you don't like your partner spending time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Most of my friends are male. And that's really it. And yes, their partners are well that we meet up and what we do and no, they don't care, because they've got no reason not trust each other.

Objectively, of course; subjectively, not if they’re untrustworthy characters

Drinking reduces inhibition but it doesn’t make a cheat of you per sae (excepting girls who lose control of their faculties [yes you could argue this is rape, and I abhor victim blaming, but I’m sorry we all have a personal responsibility not to get ourselves into compromising states/positions])

Girls typically go out with friends who will look after them/cockblock blokes attempting to hit on their friends who are taken

It’s not blind unless you have zero experience of your partner in these environments and no real stable sense for the character you’re dealing with. I’m a bit of an all or nothing kinda guy, so if I’m in a relationship then it is serious by default, and things can only get serious if/when I feel confident the girl is a person of good conscience. Not a matter of blind faith, therefore, but respect that has been hard-earnt

This isn’t strictly true. What is true is that bands of evolved primates historically will have centred around most of the females mating with a small group of dominant males, and maintaining monogamous relations for relatively short periods of time (subject to the alpha male’s physiological/psychological dominance), if at all*

Emotional connection is in our nature, as social animals, but sexual commitment is a bit less clear, aye – excepting a role for ‘love’ hormones like oxytocin

The same can be said of not committing periodic thefts/assaults. It’s a question of how ordered and civilised a society we want to live in. Feminism and other ‘progressive’ forces are eating away at these pillars of civilisation, as my thread on fatherlessness, and the psycho-sociological analysis below, further elucidate:



Because I have a fairly sound understanding of behavioural psychology, chose my partners wisely, and have sufficiently high self-worth (read: narcissism) to pre-suppose no-one in their right mind would ever be foolish enough to cheat on me (never been cheated on yet, to my knowledge, nor have I ever cheated myself)

This is a separate, if related, issue. I trust my partners but I certainly do not trust men in general to be dignified gents – hence I will always have the final word on how a partner presents herself/potentially risky situations she considers placing herself in, even if the government has determined to pave the way to literally outlawing such ‘controlling behaviour’ (again with the socially ruinous feminist agenda)

Perhaps you should be talking to her about these issues, as it's not difficult to imagine that you are unhappy with this situation. Perhaps you've been burnt in the past by a ‘party girl’, I wonder

Depends entirely on the nature of the males e.g. if they’re gay, beta, taken and nice guys, then no problem, whereas if there’s the faintest hint of interest, or boldness, about them then it is indeed both disrespectful and inappropriate (nothing to do with trust for your partner, everything to do with the reality of interpersonal relations with the opposite sex)



Bit of a rude, not to mention unsound, assertion. As above, depends on trust + nature of the males involved. Even if nothing happens, naturally it can be upsetting for people to know that their partner is spending time with someone who lusts after them. Important to try to mitigate distress

my best friend is female, i spend a lot of time with her and her children - we also slept togother once, my partner knows this.

I think the only boundary in a relationship should be: no cheating

I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't go out clubbing therefore making it principle not an insecurity. If i was to stop my gf from doing said things without practicing them myself I would agree with you it being an insecurity as opposed to principle.

But that's slightly off topic - my reason for against 1 on 1 alone time is about respect. If your s/o is meeting NEW friends of the opposite sex and then putting in the effort to see them alone just screams disrespect to your partner. In most cases that guy that your gf is seeing totally wants to bang her and your gf knows this but likes the attention she gets from this guy shes totally just friendzoned - it's just not appropriate.

As for your particular case, it's no different you are now 'friends' with a girl that you had a ONS with which means you both are sexually attracted to each other. You now spend time with her alone as 'friends,' you'd be incredibly naive to think that she wouldn't **** you if she had the chance and you wouldn't have a problem with it either if you weren't in a relationship. If i was your gf i wouldn't be able to understand why you give your precious time to a girl you've previously had a sexual experience with.

Guys only befriend appealing girls and only go out of their way to spend time with them alone if they want sex. This is what it seems to be and also seems to be backed up by biology etc.

So, you cheated on your girlfriend?

When I hear people say male and females can't be friends, I just leave the room, it is such a stupid thing to hear.

• Sexual health?

• Emotional infidelity?

• Relationship stability?

• Capacity/incentive to invest in a high quality relationship e.g. particularly one with a future?

• Providing a sound and sustainable inter-relational basis for future matrimony/family?

• Avoiding psychosexual harm associated with high risk/promiscuous behaviour?

• Mitigating other psychological/physiological harm associated with a (vulnerable) girl potentially putting herself in harms way?

• Self-worth and self-respect?

• Expectations of others (e.g. family/friends) and their acceptance/rejection of your partner vs. social reputations?

Drinking cannot _make_ you do something you really don't want to do. It makes you more suggestible and it means that you're more likely to do something you may have thought twice about but you still have a level of control. You base level boundaries are there. If you're happy and in love, you don't forget that because you're drunk. But if there's problems in the relationship these might become exaggerated and the need to feel loved and attractive can lead us to make poor choices - like cheating.