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Not compatible in bed

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    I have been with my bf for a few months and we have started to sleep together, I do love him but the trouble is he does not satisfy mm like my ex. I love extremely rough sex, with chocking, face slapping etc, trouble is he is very vanilla and likes to take things slowly. I have tried to raise it with him but he says he could not hurt a girl even though I want him too.

    Sexual incompatibility is a common relationship killer. Does your love for him outweigh this issue? I.e could you live with the fact you won't have the kind of sex life you want for the rest of your life? Because it's no good assuming he'll come around. He might but it's a "what if" scenario that may never happen and cannot be initiated by you.

    You could try explaining to him why you like it and why it he wouldn't be hurting you in a none-sexual way. But it probably won't make him feel comfortable about it inside.

    People have their own sexual preferences and their own level of openness to trying new things. You can't force someone to change their level of openness and so you can either accept this is it or you could break up if it's going to cause you a lot of unhappiness.

    It's not your fault if you need more from him sexually, just don't pressure him or try to make him. You need to choose whether to sacrifice it for him or move on and find someone more suitable. That is entirely up to you and how much you love him

    Starting out by saying 'Hello dear boyfriend, I want you to choke me and slap my face during sex' is unlikely to get what you want unless he's already into it.

    During sex, have you encouraged him by saying things like '**** me harder'? Once he realises just how vigorously you can enjoy it, he can discover that you like to have something around your neck or various bits of you slapped too.

    What does he want? If it's ok with you, do it too, whether that's gentle 'throw cushion' sex or something else.

    start with a*** smacking, stronger strokes , etc... & then tell him too **** harder , if you dont we'll never know how you feel until you tell us

    Have you pointed out that you are not a china doll and that you don't want to end up in physical pain or be injured? If he is not very experienced and he loves you he probably thinks sex should be all roses and soft lighting because that's what nice girls like. Sounds to me that he needs to understand that girls aren't all like that ... in his eyes you might be rather unusual. He needs to appreciate that you have needs, he is not meeting them and he needs to consider trying something new.

    Be clear in your own head that sex is pretty well vital to a relationship and if he won't look at changing then you cannot realistically stay vanilla for ever for his sake. Talk to him outside the bedroom and start with small steps like neck holding and progress slowly.
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Updated: September 3, 2016
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