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Is this irrational?...

So I have been with my girlfriend now for about 19/20 months and things have been fine. We are both the same age (18) and last year we lost our virginity's to each other. We both have siblings and of course our parents and so we find it hard to conduct in any sexual activity about 75% of the time in which we spend together.

My main reason for this discussion is we both have different sex drives, hers lower than mine and after having a discussion about it with her the other night I was wondering whether it is irrational of me; that when either of us have a free house it would be likely for us to do something sexual.
I know that it wouldn't be every time due to thinks like not knowing when family members are going to reappear or things such as her period etc, but she thought I was being quite hasty with that remark whereas I disagree with her. My main reason for my thinking is that in my opinion we should both have fairly high sex drives for our age and generally when people are in the house we say about how we'd like to do something but we can't as there are people in the house but then as soon as we have a free house it's as though i'm trying to get blood out of a stone to try and do anything sexual with her.

We are trying to combat out sexual incompatibility as we are both mature for our age and don't want to break up over it but I just was wondering whether other teens, of both genders have this assumption of a free house and doing something sexual or whether I'm in a minority.

Thanks in advanced :smile:

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
So I have been with my girlfriend now for about 19/20 months and things have been fine. We are both the same age (18) and last year we lost our virginity's to each other. We both have siblings and of course our parents and so we find it hard to conduct in any sexual activity about 75% of the time in which we spend together.

My main reason for this discussion is we both have different sex drives, hers lower than mine and after having a discussion about it with her the other night I was wondering whether it is irrational of me; that when either of us have a free house it would be likely for us to do something sexual.
I know that it wouldn't be every time due to thinks like not knowing when family members are going to reappear or things such as her period etc, but she thought I was being quite hasty with that remark whereas I disagree with her. My main reason for my thinking is that in my opinion we should both have fairly high sex drives for our age and generally when people are in the house we say about how we'd like to do something but we can't as there are people in the house but then as soon as we have a free house it's as though i'm trying to get blood out of a stone to try and do anything sexual with her.

We are trying to combat out sexual incompatibility as we are both mature for our age and don't want to break up over it but I just was wondering whether other teens, of both genders have this assumption of a free house and doing something sexual or whether I'm in a minority.

Thanks in advanced :smile:


Can you not just say a year and a half or almost two years instead of 19/20 months mate


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How frequently do you get a free house? If it's only like once a week or once a fortnight then I don't think you're being unreasonable, at least to discuss it.
Reply 3
Trying to have sex when she's not up for it isn't going to work. The girl needs to be turned on too, otherwise it will be painful or at least not actually any fun for her. Just because she has moments when she'd like to do something but you can't, doesn't mean that every time you have a chance you must use it. You simply can't expect her to force herself into the mood just because your family is out.

Im in the same situation as your girlfriend, where I have the lower sex drive and we also rely on one of our families being out. My boyfriend simply appreciates the times when we do have sex as opposed to complaining about not using every possible occasion to do it. I occasionally may put effort in when I'm not entirely up for it, just because my personal sex drive is rather bad. He still never makes me feel bad if I'm really just not in the mood. We basically meet half way with our preferences.
Reply 4
Sorry :/
Reply 5
Original post by BadboiQ
Can you not just say a year and a half or almost two years instead of 19/20 months mate


Posted from TSR Mobile


Sorry :/
Honestly friend, if she is not up for it then that should be the end of the discussion.
The way I look at it. A free house opens the opportunity for sexual activities, it doesn't make it necessary to do anything.
Just because it's a free house doesn't mean she has to have sex or you should expect it, it just means that if you both are open to it, it was become a possibility.
Reply 7
Original post by JRKinder
How frequently do you get a free house? If it's only like once a week or once a fortnight then I don't think you're being unreasonable, at least to discuss it.


I would say it is closer to once a fortnight, but sometimes there can be a couple of times in one week and so it's good to hear that I'm not being too irrational/unreasonable :smile:
Reply 8
Original post by Nadile
Trying to have sex when she's not up for it isn't going to work. The girl needs to be turned on too, otherwise it will be painful or at least not actually any fun for her. Just because she has moments when she'd like to do something but you can't, doesn't mean that every time you have a chance you must use it. You simply can't expect her to force herself into the mood just because your family is out.

Im in the same situation as your girlfriend, where I have the lower sex drive and we also rely on one of our families being out. My boyfriend simply appreciates the times when we do have sex as opposed to complaining about not using every possible occasion to do it. I occasionally may put effort in when I'm not entirely up for it, just because my personal sex drive is rather bad. He still never makes me feel bad if I'm really just not in the mood. We basically meet half way with our preferences.


I would say I do my best to get her turned on but I think I am running out of methods as I really can't think of anything....I've tried being romantic and other approaches too but they don't particularly seem to work :frown:

Of course I appreciate the times we do have sex too but it's just hard for me to get over the fact that when we do have a free house it is probably only about 40%/50% of the time we do anything and it actually makes me feel quite down sometimes :/ There is the odd occasion where she has put in the effort despite not being up for anything herself but it's a rarity. I just don't know what I can do to help anymore.
Reply 9
i dont have a high sex drive and i have my own house.
he had 3 weeks summer leave from work and we only did it once haha!
Original post by Freddyt58
Honestly friend, if she is not up for it then that should be the end of the discussion.
The way I look at it. A free house opens the opportunity for sexual activities, it doesn't make it necessary to do anything.
Just because it's a free house doesn't mean she has to have sex or you should expect it, it just means that if you both are open to it, it was become a possibility.



I do my best for that to be the case and I also do my best not to expect it either...I don't know whether it is my age or what but I just can't help but think of what it could be..........
Original post by shawtyb
i dont have a high sex drive and i have my own house.
he had 3 weeks summer leave from work and we only did it once haha!


I've had it sometimes with her (whilst we've been on holiday) that she can't wait 3 hours but usually I'd say we have sex once every two/three weeks and it kills me considering I'd like it to be a bit more. I do my best to understand, but I think I find it difficult as I've spent so much time trying to help her in having a higher drive too :/
Reply 12
I think libido mismatch rears its ugly head in most relationships after an initial period of every opportunity enthusiasm. Also she might be more sensitive to the risk of being caught or of doing it in inhibiting surroundings. I've not really found a great answer to this other than discussing it and trying to reach a compromise that keeps you both happy. Personally any less that weekly drives me insane. Good luck.
Original post by Zarek
I think libido mismatch rears its ugly head in most relationships after an initial period of every opportunity enthusiasm. Also she might be more sensitive to the risk of being caught or of doing it in inhibiting surroundings. I've not really found a great answer to this other than discussing it and trying to reach a compromise that keeps you both happy. Personally any less that weekly drives me insane. Good luck.


I get that she may have a feeling of getting caught but I always do my best to reassure her things will be ok and I always check with parents and family about them getting back and times as another safeguard.
We've tried discussing it about 3 times but I just don't think we quite understand each others points well enough as she just thinks I'm a sex maniac and I can't properly understand why she doesn't want to sex with somebody who she finds attractive (I accept it of course but don't quite understand it).
I think I would say that I wouldn't be too happy either with anything less than once a week but there's not a great deal I can do about it either :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
I do my best for that to be the case and I also do my best not to expect it either...I don't know whether it is my age or what but I just can't help but think of what it could be..........


I was in the same situation. I had a girlfriend when I was your age and we went through a period when we weren't having that much sex

I took her on a holiday to Venice just to revive the spark. Honestly some girls want to know that the relationship isn't just about sex. And you have to ask yourself what you want from this. If sex is that important to you then maybe you need to find a sex buddy. I took my girlfriend on a holiday, didn't ask for sex once. Instead I took her to the Opera, on a guided tour from the theatre to the Promenade and onto a moonlit gondola.

It doesn't take much to show a girl how much you care and much the relationship matters. It doesn't take anything at all to reassure them that the relationship is about more then sex. All it takes is patience, understanding and most importantly (something which you can't learn you have to live and might be a bit of a taboo subject for someone as young as you) love
Original post by Freddyt58
I was in the same situation. I had a girlfriend when I was your age and we went through a period when we weren't having that much sex

I took her on a holiday to Venice just to revive the spark. Honestly some girls want to know that the relationship isn't just about sex. And you have to ask yourself what you want from this. If sex is that important to you then maybe you need to find a sex buddy. I took my girlfriend on a holiday, didn't ask for sex once. Instead I took her to the Opera, on a guided tour from the theatre to the Promenade and onto a moonlit gondola.

It doesn't take much to show a girl how much you care and much the relationship matters. It doesn't take anything at all to reassure them that the relationship is about more then sex. All it takes is patience, understanding and most importantly (something which you can't learn you have to live and might be a bit of a taboo subject for someone as young as you) love


Well we've recently been to Germany and I also took her to London as well as her coming on holiday with my family to Devon so I'd like to think that I show her but I may be able to do something like you did to Venice as you're not the first person to recommend that.

I think I should probably have a talk with her when I can and say that our relationship means more than the sex does but that's not to say that I don't need sex end of.....at least that'd set things as clear as they can be, surely?
If, when there are other people in the house, she says yes to doing stuff when the house is empty, then when the house is actually empty, she says no, there's clearly a deeper issue there. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable doing anything sexual? If she isn't enthusiastic and willing when you want to do stuff, and you make her anyway, that's rape.
Original post by Anonymous
If, when there are other people in the house, she says yes to doing stuff when the house is empty, then when the house is actually empty, she says no, there's clearly a deeper issue there. Maybe she just doesn't feel comfortable doing anything sexual? If she isn't enthusiastic and willing when you want to do stuff, and you make her anyway, that's rape.


I never make her do anything without her wanting to. I did think that there could be a deeper issue but when I've spoke to her about it, it doesn't seem that there's an issue.
Original post by Anonymous
Well we've recently been to Germany and I also took her to London as well as her coming on holiday with my family to Devon so I'd like to think that I show her but I may be able to do something like you did to Venice as you're not the first person to recommend that.

I think I should probably have a talk with her when I can and say that our relationship means more than the sex does but that's not to say that I don't need sex end of.....at least that'd set things as clear as they can be, surely?


My situation is a little different due to my family, but I would recommend either Venice or a Chalet in Switzerland, preferably Verbier.

And yes, have that talk, it is a very important talk, but just make sure to act on it, maybe go without sex for a two weeks and not ask for it
Original post by Freddyt58
My situation is a little different due to my family, but I would recommend either Venice or a Chalet in Switzerland, preferably Verbier.

And yes, have that talk, it is a very important talk, but just make sure to act on it, maybe go without sex for a two weeks and not ask for it


It's a little awkward at the minute due to the fact of we are both trying to find work and all so the holiday may be put off until next year at some point but definitely worth thinking about!

I'll have that talk of course but I just don't know whether anything shall change as she is quite a stubborn person and we have been without sex for a month or so before now (earlier in our relationship and it did hurt her slightly) but I don't know whether time shall do anything.......just have to wait and see I suppose :/

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