Whats wrong with me

okay so i'm just about to start my second year at college, and today i had to go in for an induction day, where you basically tour the whole college for the day just listening to talks from different unis, apprenticeship programmes, gap year programmes and so on.. throughout all of these talks i'd zone out and just lose attention and get distracted by boring things or thoughts.
I'm not sure if this is due to me being in a difficult place atm with my boyfriend going to university and me virtually having 3 friends at college thats making me so upset i cant listen, or if it may be something different like my indecisiveness when it comes to next year (i feel so pressured to go to university but i need to puck a course which is hard because honestly i have no interest in doing anything at all with my life? i seriously cannot control it)
Sometimes i will get really hyped and happy for the future with the motto that everything will work out for me in the end, but because i'm lacking motivation and a drive to succeed, accompanied by a very short attention span - it puts me in a really dark place and i'm not sure who to turn to (hence why i'm unleashing all my thoughts onto a forum, something i'm not used to)
i just need some advice. i know i should probably go and see a doctor or something and i have booked an appointment but honestly i just really need moral support from other people going though similar issues. if anyone out there has any advice or even just understands where i'm coming from and what i can do to fix my attitude/mood it would be sincerely appreciated. sorry for such a depressing post :s-smilie:

Reply 1

shawn_o1

I'm going through the same things too, having graduated a year ago and finding no luck with work. 3 months and that was it. If anything it's harder to get job number two if the first one was regarded as a waste

Reply 2

Kendrik Lamar

Original post by Anonymous

Whats wrong with me

Where do I start?

Reply 3

Kindred

Original post by Anonymous

Hey there. Doctor is a really good idea so please do go and try to be as open with them as possible even if it is awkward. You might find it helpfull to do some reading beforehand so you know a little more about the possibilities and how to say what you're feeling. Mind.org is a good place to start.

I was in a simmilar situation to you before uni. A lot of people I was close to died around when I did my GCSEs and I guess I never really got over it. It kida built up over time and wasn't helped by my family being stressed too. At some point, i'm not too sure when, it developed into depression and by the time I was looking at unis it was pretty bad. I just thought it was "teenage angst" or whatever since that's what people usually say when a teenager is acting or feeling strange.
I was kinda sad or apathetic most of the time and I just couldn't bring myself to focus on anything. Anyway I eventually saw a doctor and it got better after that. Turns out in my case I also had ADD and Dyslexia which wasn't picked up on as a kid so all the depression and stuff made that worse I guess.
It's a journey and for some people it will take longer than others but seeing a doctor is a really good first step.

I'd personally think that you're going through a bit of a depression right now and that's actually really common, especially at the stage you're at. There are a couple of other things you may want to look into, if nothing else than to rule them out, but you don't have to if you don't want to- you can just go to the doctor and take it from there.
Depression can manifest in a whole bunch of different ways and the hyped sometimes and low others is totally possible. It's normally associated with bi-polar or manic depression, but it can happen with plain ol' depression too so don't let that scare you if it comes up.
ADD/ ADHD/ Dyslexia and other "learning disabilities" (i've yet to find a word that sounds less severe) can often go unnoticed until later life and can be exacerbated by stress so you may like to look into that. If nothing else looking into it could just make you think a bit more about any other symptoms you may have going on.
Vitamin deficienies and hormone imbalances can cause stress and various other symptoms and can also sorta be triggered by stress too (the body is just a mess of problems caused by other problems). If you're feeling tired or achie a lot or noticing any symptoms that don't quite feel like they're just mood related it may be worth looking into- eventhough mh issues like depression can cause that sort of stuff too.
Stress and anxiety can cause simmilar stuff to depression and are obviously pretty abundant just before uni.

I hope I haven't freaked you out with all that. You can ignore it all if you like. Only thing you need to take from this is that you are not alone or abnormal and it can and will get better.
Oh and if you are feeling rough when you start uni, pop into see student support and see if they can help. If you aren't sure about if you want to go to uni, talk it through with somebody like student support at college, a counselor or even samaritans e-mail service. That or write it down if you feel awkward talking about it. It can really help to just get the thoughts out in the open and sort through them.

Time for the usual disclaimer: if you are having dangerous thoughts- seek help by calling 111, samaritans, a friend etc or by seeing a doctor or medical professional. If you don't feel safe or happy being alone- ask to stay at a friends house or go somewhere public. I am not a professional in any way and my word is not law. If it sounds wrong- it probably is.

Good luck with everything and remember that even though it may seem like it and teachers may tell you it is, this is not some magical point where your whole life changes and if you mess up you're screwed for life. There is always something you can do later :smile:

Whats wrong with me

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