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I want a reason to be hurt and I don't know what to do anymore

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    • Thread Starter

    Over the past year my mental health has got worse and worse but I've also come to realised that it's been a bit off for many years now.
    I've always been very good at hiding my emotions and hiding my life from others. Even my best friend told me that I know everything about her whilst she still knows barely anything about me. I struggled when I was young (between the ages of 12-14) and did hurt myself but that didn't last very long.

    Fast forward to this year, I'm 20 years old and am about to go into my third year of university. My first year was great apart from the fact that I was confused about my sexuality as it was my first exposure to freedom (but that's all fine now).
    My second year, on the other hand, started out ok them went downhill very quickly after the Christmas holidays. I ended up nearly failing my exams and nearly getting kicked off my Masters year because of it.

    I essentially started feeling sadder and sadder for no apparent reason. I had and still don't have a reason to be sad with my life. My self-esteem is high, I have plenty of friends, I'm smart, I'm good at my sport etc. I literally can't pint point anything to blame. But I still felt absolutely miserable. I stopped caring about studying and life and the only two things I cared about were the girl I'm in love with and my sport (my sport then and now is the only thing that makes me truly happy). My lowest point was a night during the exam season when it was 2am and I broke down in tears in my room. Things have got much worse since then.

    I've spent the whole summer thinking about that day and whilst the melancholy is noweher as full blown as it was during my exams, I wouldn't say it's got much better. I have no reason to not be happy. But I'm just terrified of the future. I can imagine what I want in my life 10 years from now but if I can rarely picture life three months from now. I can imagine playing my sport and becomin and Olympian, but I can't see any other part of my life around that. I'm not sure if that makes sense.
    • Thread Starter


    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Depression doesn't discriminate. Look at the many rich and famous people who end up committing suicide, go to a psychiatric ward and you'll find anyone from mothers to businessmen to lawyers to doctors there. Mental health doesn't discriminate. Seek help, go to your GP, if you don't gel comfortable talking to your parents about it then go to the GP alone me talk to them. Your uni should offer counselling services, a lot do, so that's always an option to get in touch with.
    • Thread Starter

    I know I should. But I just can't make myself. I go through bouts where I think I'm fine and the world is dandy so I don't bother telling anyone. Then it all goes downhill and by then it's too late...

    (Original post by Moonstruck16)
    I know I should. But I just can't make myself. I go through bouts where I think I'm fine and the world is dandy so I don't bother telling anyone. Then it all goes downhill and by then it's too late...
    Hey I know it's scary and may even seem a bit stupid, but there are a few people/ places you can turn to...

    First and most important is a doctor. This is where most treatments (like therapy and meds) stem from and is generally the best way to get help. You can work your way to this though if you don't feel ready. It took me a good few months to work up the courage to see a doctor after I had worked out it's what I needed to do.

    Charaties like Mind, Sane, and Samaritans offer various forms of advice and help and i'd advise checking out their websites to see what they're all about. One thing I wil tell you though is that samaritans isn't just a suicide hotline- they are a talking service for anybody who needs it (and you can e-mail them too- anonymous and nobody will actually see your email).

    Your university will have some sort of a student support centre. They can direct you to various forms of support and can also help you if uni is getting complicated- like if you need more time for an assignment or you're not able to get up for hall breakfasts or anything like that. It's always worth touching base with them cos they can make your life easier.

    Counseling. Personally I don't think this really helps for actual mh conditions since it's more of a talking through issues thing, but you can try it if you want. There is probably a service through uni for you.

    111. This is an NHS number for advise and you can use it if you don't know what to do. They will thell you where you can go and are open 24-7.

    A&E and 999. If you are in crisis and are concerned about your immediate wellbeing these are your best options. They are there to help and you can absolutely call 999 for suicidal thoughts or anything like that. It is not missuse of the service.

    People you trust. This may be family, friends, teachers, that nice old lady from down the road- anybody you feel comfortable talking to. Sometimes letting things out can help.

    Most mental health problems have their ups and downs. There's even a type of depression that only presents in winter. This does not make it any less of a legitimate issue and you can seek help even in the better times. If you know something is wrong that is enough for you to go get help. You don't need to wait until you're bad enough or anything like that.

    As for a reason to feel depresed, you have one- depression. Mental health problems physically change your body just like any other medical condition. For example, there is a chemical in your brain called seritonin that basically controlls your emotions. This chemical is totally out of whack for loads of people with depression and is currently one of the best theories of a cause for depression.
    There doesn't have to be anything like a tragic even for you to feel depressed. It's like how if you've not slept in ages you'll get grumpy or if you're dehydrated you can get sad or irritable. There's a bunch of stuff going on inside you that you don't know about and somewhere in all that is your cause.

    Good luck. I had a hard time with depression while I was at uni but I can honestly say that it does get better. After I got refered to a psychiatrist things started looking up and now a couple of years later I sometimes can't even remember how it felt back then. I used to think I would be lost forever, but now I know that was just the depression talking. It takes some bravery to seek out help, but it's really worth it.
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