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Please help me. I am really shy and struggle to make friends or talk to people

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    I am a 17 year old guy and I struggle to make friends. I'm really unconfident and shy. It's making me really depressed. I don't know how I can become more confident and what steps I should take to talk to people more and not be as lonely as I am.

    I am really awkward and people always say "you're really quiet" or "you should talk more" but I just really struggle with it. I know that they probably think I'm really weird or creepy but they never say that.

    Plus, I don't know what I'm supposed to do in life. I struggle to talk to people. Giving a presentation makes my face go red. So does talking to someone new. Even emailing someone or writing this nervous makes me nervous about what you guys are going to think of me. I know people say 'don't care what people think of you' but I just can't do that. I struggle to do so.

    I don't think I can even do anything anymore. I want to become an accountant but I can't do that since I struggle to talk to people. I feel like I don't even fit anywhere into the world. I'm never going to achieve anything if I'm going to continue being like this but I don't know what steps
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    You sound like I was years ago. I feel for you. I was so shy and hated being in big groups. My friend suggested I read a book 'feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers so I did! The day I finished the book I went bungee jumping and signed myself up to a performing arts course. The second day they put me in front of 250 students and I had to sing on my own. I was sick for 3 days but..... I felt the fear, did it anyway and the fear went. I'm a changed person. Get the book. I'm not saying it will make you that extreme but I think it will definitely help you. Good luck. X


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    I can sympathise with your part about presentations. I really struggle to give a good presentation without getting nervous and saying "umm, er," or pausing a lot. I think the solution is really to practise. I try and give presents irons whenever I can.
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    Hey man, I know the feeling.
    Like it does feel very tough to make friends and to form those connections with people. But your main point to take away from this right now is 'You should talk more.'
    This shows that people are interested in continuing a conversation with you or even forming a friendship.
    Fear is self-imposed, so if we can create it, we can destroy it at the same time.
    So don't let your overthinking and fear stop you from forming what could potentially be the best friendships and relationships of your life.
    God bless.

    Anass
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    (Original post by theonecenter)
    Hey man, I know the feeling.
    Like it does feel very tough to make friends and to form those connections with people. But your main point to take away from this right now is 'You should talk more.'
    This shows that people are interested in continuing a conversation with you or even forming a friendship.
    Fear is self-imposed, so if we can create it, we can destroy it at the same time.
    So don't let your overthinking and fear stop you from forming what could potentially be the best friendships and relationships of your life.
    God bless.

    Anass
    I agree entirely with this.

    (Btw, I don't want to sound weird or anything but i love your name. My cousin's called Anass lool
    Sorry… )
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    Im not shy and sometimes i struggle to give good presentations. Even the best of speakers can get nervous!
    I advise you to think of a best opening line. Something modern or appealing (not slangish or roadmanish or cliche) . When you meet someone try to compliment them, they'll find you more appealing. When you have nothing to say try to end the conversation. Avoid awkward silence. Try not to stare at the person for minutes on end when you have nothing to say. Listen to the person. Guess their personality. E.g you see a girl wearing a dog or puppy top. Ask her if she likes dogs or something, then e.g ask her if she has a dog or a puppy, how old it is. Try to seem interested and be charmin or humorous. Ive noticed the funniest of people usually dont think they're personally very funny. They just give that impression.

    Goodluck.
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    If you don't like socializing, there's nothing you can do it about it. Just live your life how you want it to live.
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    Sounds like extreme social anxiety
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 17 year old guy and I struggle to make friends. I'm really unconfident and shy. It's making me really depressed. I don't know how I can become more confident and what steps I should take to talk to people more and not be as lonely as I am.

    I am really awkward and people always say "you're really quiet" or "you should talk more" but I just really struggle with it. I know that they probably think I'm really weird or creepy but they never say that.

    Plus, I don't know what I'm supposed to do in life. I struggle to talk to people. Giving a presentation makes my face go red. So does talking to someone new. Even emailing someone or writing this nervous makes me nervous about what you guys are going to think of me. I know people say 'don't care what people think of you' but I just can't do that. I struggle to do so.

    I don't think I can even do anything anymore. I want to become an accountant but I can't do that since I struggle to talk to people. I feel like I don't even fit anywhere into the world. I'm never going to achieve anything if I'm going to continue being like this but I don't know what steps
    get out of your comfort zone
    if you ever have doubts whether you should say hi to sb or not, do it anyway
    it's a good idea to have a bag of sweets with you at all times and give some to people lol
    it's a good way to get a conversation going
    ----
    i myself get anxious pretty easily but i'm always like **** it nobody's gonna care if i screw up and come across as a weirdo anyway
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    (Original post by Cruxell)
    If you don't like socializing, there's nothing you can do it about it. Just live your life how you want it to live.
    i don't agree
    they should push themselves a little bit and over time, they'll find it easier and easier to talk to people
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    (Original post by Rhaenys10)
    i don't agree
    they should push themselves a little bit and over time, they'll find it easier and easier to talk to people
    Yep definitely, you're not going to get anywhere in life unless you leave your safe space and comfort zone, life gets hard and you need to adapt to it. The guy does need to make an effort in socialising
    This is from an ex-shy person too
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    (Original post by Maths Four Life)
    Yep definitely, you're not going to get anywhere in life unless you leave your safe space and comfort zone, life gets hard and you need to adapt to it. The guy does need to make an effort in socialising
    This is from an ex-shy person too
    yeah, it's always better to push yourself out of yr comfort zone rather than to be forced to do it by certain unexpected circumstances
    yeah, shyness can easily be overcome
    i'm extroverted bordering on crazy at the moment=))
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    edit- hope things get better real soon
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    I'm a shy guy myself, but always improving by challenging myself to just talk to people.

    I find that it's more embarassing to say nothing than to say something odd, so just don't hesitate to speak!

    (Original post by 123moon)
    Btw, I don't want to sound weird or anything but i love your name. My cousin's called Anass lool
    An ass?
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    (Original post by hamzakalinle)
    I'm like you. I used to be all confident, smiley and happy and one day I just realised, "Hey, my confidence is completely gone", but I didn't completely see it until I left my friends who went to a different college then me. I now have panic attacks when in college, have 0 friends and regularly contemplate suicide. Only thing keeping my going is acadameia and grades since it and football are really all I care about. It's pretty deep I wont lie. Don't know how this is helpful but I suppose my little story shows your not alone I guess? Hopefully years from now we'll be in a much better place...
    Oh my.. hope you are okay. Damnn, confidence is something that doesn't just get forced upon you it's natural but it comes from within (wow that sounds cringe) but seriously be confident in your work and what you do and hopefully it can only get better and radiate towards the people around you.
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    (Original post by MatOnMotors)
    An ass?
    Loool if you are arab it's pronounced differently
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    I attended a mh charity just to talk to people. Will continue to do that till I'm confident talking to anyone really
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 17 year old guy and I struggle to make friends. I'm really unconfident and shy. It's making me really depressed. I don't know how I can become more confident and what steps I should take to talk to people more and not be as lonely as I am.

    I am really awkward and people always say "you're really quiet" or "you should talk more" but I just really struggle with it. I know that they probably think I'm really weird or creepy but they never say that.

    Plus, I don't know what I'm supposed to do in life. I struggle to talk to people. Giving a presentation makes my face go red. So does talking to someone new. Even emailing someone or writing this nervous makes me nervous about what you guys are going to think of me. I know people say 'don't care what people think of you' but I just can't do that. I struggle to do so.

    I don't think I can even do anything anymore. I want to become an accountant but I can't do that since I struggle to talk to people. I feel like I don't even fit anywhere into the world. I'm never going to achieve anything if I'm going to continue being like this but I don't know what steps
    Just tell people you have this problem and that you find it hard to talk because most of those people have the same fears and might admit they feel the same. if you explain why your quiet to anyone you meet they will understand that it's not because you're creepy and they might give you tips on how to deal with it other than saying stupid, unhelpful things like you should talk more. When people tell me i'm too quiet that makes me even more quiet and secretly i start to dislike them if they keep pointing it out in front of everyone else to embarass me.

    what i find are that people who are very loud, talkative and over confident are really insecure deep down and fear that if they are quiet no one will like them so they over compensate by being extra loud and talkative. Normally i can't stand people like that because they never want to accept quiet, shy people for who they are and say stupid things like liven up, etc and think everyone should act loud and talkative like them.
    I can put up with them if i'm in a group but i don't like being alone with them as their very embarrassing with constant need for attention by being extremely loud.

    You can write down a list of things you can talk about on paper or on your mobile then look at them and people will think you're just reading your texts
    So you can write a list of things you like doing or things you want to do or new things you want to try or places, holidays you would like to go, etc
    Like talking about your favourite tv shows, films, games you like or dislike,
    Going to cinema or planning to go to cinema with them, going to a buffet restaurant because those 2 does not require much talking, think of anything you enjoy doing. Look up free films you can watch on internet as these all show new cinema films you don't have to pay for and everyone loves finding out about free stuff especially if they can see new cinema films for free

    These free film sites are called:
    123movies.to
    Putlocker
    Showbox
    Filmon.tv
    Filmonkids.tv
    Filmonlive.tv
    ( But Filmon.tv is free tv stations, International tv stations, films, music, sports, etc
    And Filmonkids.tv are cartoons and children's shows )

    So if you check all these out first you can talk about them
    I never knew about any of these things before so i was really grateful when someone else told me about it because i used to pay £17 a month for a cinema pass and i would watch lots of films in the cinema 2 years ago but after i was told about all those free film sites i gave up my cinema pass because i could'nt really afford it anyway and i could watch the same films for free on the internet in the comfort of my own home.


    Ask your tutor at uni or your doctor about what you can do and they can suggest counselling, courses to over come it, etc and if you do presentations more often or practice with other's you become more confident in speaking in public.
    I was forced to do presentations by the job centre and the work programmes they sent me on in group settings so i had no choice but to do them so that really helped me otherwise i would have tried to get out of doing them and i used to refuse to do them before. Although i still hate doing them i'm not as scared as i used to be and when you see other people messing up this helps you to try harder or if you did mess up you don't feel so bad about it because other people were not perfect in their own presentations and you can learn from watching their mistakes.

    My doctor introduced me to SOCIAL PRESCRIBING 5 months ago, she said it's a new thing their doing but it's for anyone to join not just if you have a problem or if you are quiet. It's just a counsellor who tries to motivate you to do things once you have told them what you like doing or what job you want to do or if you have any problems like being quiet, etc. I don't know what their called so i'm just calling them counsellors for now. So they can help you with figuring out what you want to do and introduce you to a group of people and do activities. So my counsellor is organising photography lessons and music lessons for myself and other people to do and meet up. I see her on my own but i have not met anyone else yet because it was a new thing they were doing that just started and they had not set up the photography or music lessons yet. I said i was interested in music lessons and she also suggested photography classes and she told me about going to free music recitals or concerts at The Royal London Academy of Music in Marylebone Road which i never knew about before so she told me to look up their website on google and i plan to go to some of the free concerts
    She also told me about lots of films to watch on the internet that i never heard of before.

    My doctor told me Social Prescribing because i told her my friends are crap and i never go out socialising because they never want to go anywhere. So i'm really glad she told me about it so i try to tell other people so it's nothing to do with having an illness or being shy, it's just for anybody. I can't explain it properly so ask your doctor or if they don't know about it yet then type Social Prescribing on google and see if it comes up.

    Also type confidence or confidence courses on google. Maybe there are free courses you can go on to build up your confidence
    And type Social Anxiety
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    pfffffffffffffffff who needs friends when you got youtube get real everyone nowadays have social anxiety even the people who seem so confident and calm in reality everyone feels like that its all about faking it there you go meaning of life right there
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    (Original post by 123moon)
    I agree entirely with this.

    (Btw, I don't want to sound weird or anything but i love your name. My cousin's called Anass lool
    Sorry… )
    Haha ay trust me, it's all good! Appreciate the support.
    Are you of Arabian descent then?
 
 
 
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