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?Skipping meals, Anxiety, Flatmates and Uni

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    Recently I've just moved to my uni accommodation, and I've been settling over the past week or so. People were gradually coming in over the week starting Saturday ending the next, and I moved in on the Sunday.

    Recently I've been skipping meals to avoid meeting my flatmates in the kitchen area. Before that I didn't even cook, I tended to just grab and go, I'm too afraid to cook as when I tend to get nervous thinks go wrong. I have to really wind myself up and sometimes I still lose the bottle to go outside after a good 2 hours of trying to push myself to leave. The past few days I've been going straight out to avoid them because I'm just too scared. The worst part is that they're all genuinely nice people, and they've all been able to somewhat bond and get along together (though I now its my fault as to why I haven't left my room) and I've left it too long, so I know this is probably as close to 'friendship' as I'll get to them (asking how they are, what they've been up to etc) .

    I've had anxiety for a while now, though I've been to therapy for OCD. The idea of starting my day leaves me absolutely petrified. My anxiety has lead me to feel physical pain, sickness, increased heart-rate and self destructive behaviours. I'm extremely self conscious and whilst I'm able to talk to people, nothing ever really gets past saying 'Hi'. I'm a lot stronger in my head, and I know how absolutely pathetic I sound but I really don't know whats stopping me.
    I don't leave my room other than to walk around the city, and I haven't eaten for a few day's now.

    So I'm just wondering whether or not freshers anxiety does alleviate? Because I know everybody does get it, but I wonder if by the second years it kinda goes away a bit??

    Thanks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Recently I've just moved to my uni accommodation, and I've been settling over the past week or so. People were gradually coming in over the week starting Saturday ending the next, and I moved in on the Sunday.

    Recently I've been skipping meals to avoid meeting my flatmates in the kitchen area. Before that I didn't even cook, I tended to just grab and go, I'm too afraid to cook as when I tend to get nervous thinks go wrong. I have to really wind myself up and sometimes I still lose the bottle to go outside after a good 2 hours of trying to push myself to leave. The past few days I've been going straight out to avoid them because I'm just too scared. The worst part is that they're all genuinely nice people, and they've all been able to somewhat bond and get along together (though I now its my fault as to why I haven't left my room) and I've left it too long, so I know this is probably as close to 'friendship' as I'll get to them (asking how they are, what they've been up to etc) .

    I've had anxiety for a while now, though I've been to therapy for OCD. The idea of starting my day leaves me absolutely petrified. My anxiety has lead me to feel physical pain, sickness, increased heart-rate and self destructive behaviours. I'm extremely self conscious and whilst I'm able to talk to people, nothing ever really gets past saying 'Hi'. I'm a lot stronger in my head, and I know how absolutely pathetic I sound but I really don't know whats stopping me.
    I don't leave my room other than to walk around the city, and I haven't eaten for a few day's now.

    So I'm just wondering whether or not freshers anxiety does alleviate? Because I know everybody does get it, but I wonder if by the second years it kinda goes away a bit??

    Thanks.
    Hiya :hugs:

    I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Have you considered popping down to your student services/disability services? They can give you some support.

    I know how hard it is to move away and be away from the ones you love, to be in a new city. However, please just try to take it one day at a time. It will get easier once you are in classes. :yep:

    As for eating, try going out to the kitchen when you know no one is about. After all, you really do need to eat if you have not eaten in a few days. But trust me, you are not pathetic for thinking like this.
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    Honestly it won't go away until you challenge it. You'll be stuck in a new flat next year only it will be harder as second years will already have friendship groups, you'll also be remembering how tough this year was and building it up in your mind.

    You have not lost your chance to make friends AT ALL, it is not too late to get past 'hi how are you'. Rather than face everyone at once try and go to someone's door and knock and say you've hardly seen anyone this week as you've been ill (it's true really...) but perhaps we could all get a pizza tonight and get a couple of bottles of wine in and watch a film (or any other activity which makes more sense). If that's too much leave everyone a facebook message or send a text.

    You really do need to start trying to leave your flat though, these behaviours will only get more ingrained the longer you let them go on. Challenge yourself to go and get a sandwich or something easy and then challenge yourself to make something quick like pasta and then move on to eating the meal in the kitchen and then try and wait around til you meet someone. It might help your anxiety though to preempt the meeting people thing and just get it done by knocking on doors and then you don't need to worry as much about running into someone.

    also - you're not pathetic at all, a lot of people struggle with moving to uni you just don't hear about them because everyone is convinced that everyone else is having this amazing 'experience' so they keep quiet about it

    the above suggestion to get in touch with disability and counselling services asap is a good one as well
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    Small steps at a time: get your door propped open, so that the boundary between your perception of a safe space and the outside world begins to blend. And you already know that you really need to eat something today.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Recently I've just moved to my uni accommodation, and I've been settling over the past week or so. People were gradually coming in over the week starting Saturday ending the next, and I moved in on the Sunday.

    Recently I've been skipping meals to avoid meeting my flatmates in the kitchen area. Before that I didn't even cook, I tended to just grab and go, I'm too afraid to cook as when I tend to get nervous thinks go wrong. I have to really wind myself up and sometimes I still lose the bottle to go outside after a good 2 hours of trying to push myself to leave. The past few days I've been going straight out to avoid them because I'm just too scared. The worst part is that they're all genuinely nice people, and they've all been able to somewhat bond and get along together (though I now its my fault as to why I haven't left my room) and I've left it too long, so I know this is probably as close to 'friendship' as I'll get to them (asking how they are, what they've been up to etc) .

    I've had anxiety for a while now, though I've been to therapy for OCD. The idea of starting my day leaves me absolutely petrified. My anxiety has lead me to feel physical pain, sickness, increased heart-rate and self destructive behaviours. I'm extremely self conscious and whilst I'm able to talk to people, nothing ever really gets past saying 'Hi'. I'm a lot stronger in my head, and I know how absolutely pathetic I sound but I really don't know whats stopping me.
    I don't leave my room other than to walk around the city, and I haven't eaten for a few day's now.

    So I'm just wondering whether or not freshers anxiety does alleviate? Because I know everybody does get it, but I wonder if by the second years it kinda goes away a bit??

    Thanks.
    Ok you have two issues here and as you astutely observed they are interconnected.

    First and most important is the social anxiety. You are just starting uni and at the beginning everyone is open minded and open to bonding. You will be living with these people for the next year and some of them might turn out to be your best friends. Its only been a week, so theres still plenty of time to bond and get to know them. As time goes on though if you stay in your room, then they are going to think you are anti social.Start with something small by asking or suggesting you go to the pub for a drink or order food or go out for a meal or the cinema? Something small that is social but doesnt involve you having to do much.

    You need to break the ice and start talking to them so they cna find out who you are and gradually you will become comfier with them.Would it be possible for you to do an icebreaker and tell them you can be a bit anxious and for them to bear with you? If they know or hey saw this post then they would instantly alter their ways and be aware of your situation. If they really are nice they are likely to include you. At the moment they dont know you find it difficult. If you cnat tell them all then start with just one. the one you find easiest to talk to.As airmed says you should get support from the Unis disability and mental health services. See what assistance they can provide. There is no reason you cnat be fully accepted and have a great time as well as make good friends, but you do need to make a small amount of progress in engaging with them. The good thing is once you do engage, hen it will become easier.


    Secondly the cooking. Its highly likely other people in the flat cant cook. I suggest soemthing easy by making a drink and offering to make them tea or coffee, plus get some biscuit or cake. thats sociable enough and a good icebreaker.Move on to making a sandwich and eating it in the communcla area, which gives you a chance to be sociable and they can see you using the kitchen.You can then move onto something easy and foolproof such as a baked potato, some toast or beans on toast or just some creaeal in the morning. Nothing to go wrong there.You can them move up to just warming up some prepreared or frozen food. A pizza or a microwave meal or chilled meal. Nothing to go wrong.

    In the meantime you can look at many of the resources on student recipes and meals and start to master basic meals. Experimenting and things going wrong is how you learn. Maybe one of them is a good cook already in which case you can tell them you dont know how and whether they might show you how to make a few things or they can explain. Cooking is essential for food, its also social and fun. By keeping it simple at the beginnning it will give you time to get your confidence up and it wont prevent you socialising.

    Not eating is going to get you in trouble so at least grab some food whilst out or take some back to your room. Uni is an opportunityu to really start to break down and master your anxiety, so start small and keep going. Showing one of your flatmates this post would make them aware and break the ice. Baby steps. It will go away if you take steps to make it go away as outlined above.
 
 
 
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