So I recently started uni at the UWS in Ayr. I am studying commercial music. I am 23 years old so you can classify me as a mature student, right? I am amongst people who are 19 and younger and I feel so out of place. It's not just the class, it's the halls too. I spend every night in my room, watching Youtube videos, blogging, just anything to pass the time and it doesn't help the halls are situated in the middle of nowhere - there's no shops nearby, no leisure facilities - I have to get a taxi everywhere I go which costs me a fortune and I don't get much of a student loan as it is!
I just feel at times I don't want to carry on any longer here and that I should've went all those years ago when I was 18. Another scary thing is, I don't know if I want to do music anymore as a career - I get more joy out of blogging and writing - I have been told I am a great writer so maybe I'm meant to do that instead, I don't know. Is it the university? I wish sometimes I went to Bournemouth or Gloucestershire as there is a bigger music/media scene over there compared to Scotland,I think, but I always do this, thinking I'd be better off somewhere else but it could've been the same story, I mean at the end of the day it is my problem - I am shy and don't make friends easily and it does take me a while to settle and make acquaintances, plus it doesn't help there is absolutely no one in the class who is in their 20's!
I had a cry when I came back over an hour ago and felt like I couldn't cope with the loneliness and isolation I am feeling and I am someone who feels those emotions so intensely, which is awful to go through on your own. I don't know what brought it on....lack of sleep perhaps or the fact I couldn't interact with anyone in my class and put myself in a group for our class task we have to do. It could be both, so I feel I am going to fail that module because of that!
Speaking of Freshers week, I feel sad because I didn't go to any of the events and that's obviously a way to make new friends and have a good time, but like I said before, I just locked myself away in my room watching Girls and texting this guy back home, who could potentially be a new partner. One of my flatmates invited me to the white t-shirt party last week at the union and I was like "Yeah I'm up for that" but while I was walking to the union with them, I was like "I can't be bothered", plus some of them were drunk, so I found myself walking back to the halls. I also think my anxiety got the best of me too because I don't like walking at night when it's dark.
I am having quite a *****y time at uni at the moment....can anyone relate?
Commercial music is a tough call for someone who describes themselves as shy. Is it really what you want to do?
I don't know. I am starting to doubt it.
Well, there'll be a heck of a lot of other students who are feeling equally anxious. The age difference, in my view, is an easy handle on which to attach all your nerves, but really, it shouldn't make much of a difference. If anything, you'll probably have more life experience.
The new student shuttle bus service starts 26th September (route D10), between the campus and Ayr town, and only costs £1, so that will help.
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