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My son doesn't want me to go to see Uni with him.

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    We missed the Open Day at Ulster's Jordanstown Campus and there isn't going to be another one until next September. We live in Newry and I thought on one of his days off from college we could go ourselves and have a look round. I don't mean inside any accommodation or anything. Just to get a feel for the place he is thinking of applying for next year. He is 19 and doing the second year of a HND. But he said he will ask his mate to drive him there and the two of them can go and it'll be more fun.I get that he would rather go with his mate than his mum. His friend though, who he actually doesn't really know that well but has a car, will have no interest in any of it at all , and will want to come home asap without going on to look at Stranmillis and will probably try and talk him out of even applying to Uni like his friends all did 3 years ago. I wanted to have a look around as well and see what it was like. I was also thinking while we were there we could go to Stranmillis and look around there too as it's supposed to be really pretty and as a Jordanstown student he could live at Stranmillis if he wanted to. I'm feeling really disappointed and let down he doesn't want me to go with him. It's important for me to be able to see and get some idea of where he will be studying and living maybe next year. I suppose this means I will have to go and see it for myself on my own some other time. Sigh.
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    Maybe go like an hour after he leaves by train?
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    Do you trust him to make his own decisions? Uni is traditionally the time when children 'fly the nest', so while you may want to go see the place with him it's perfectly understandable that he wants to see it without you. My parents didn't come with me to see any unis, that was my choice.
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    (Original post by Duncan2012)
    Do you trust him to make his own decisions? Uni is traditionally the time when children 'fly the nest', so while you may want to go see the place with him it's perfectly understandable that he wants to see it without you. My parents didn't come with me to see any unis, that was my choice.
    I do trust him to make his own decisions. It's the person who he's going to ask to drive him there I don't trust ! He is the only one of his friends who has even continued in education after GCSE's let alone thinking of Uni. He went to the Jordanstown Open Day about three years ago with everyone at college and he hated it. But the people he was hanging around with had all decided it was boring before even giving the place a chance. They all sat outside for about two hours while everyone else was in a talk and looked around the accommodation. My son did none of those things, which is why he needs to see it . He missed the Open Day and they are not going to have another one until next September which will be too late. So I thought if we went on our own and just had a general look round to get a feel for the place it would help. Obviously it's not a proper tour and so we won't e allowed inside any accommodation or anything. But I not only wanted to see it all too, but I also don't think it's a good idea him going with someone who has no interest in Uni and will keep probably saying negative things about it to my son from start to finish.
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    He's just come downstairs and saw a Facebook post I made about it, saying I was a bit disappointed. He has said he'll go with me if I want as he didn't know I felt like that. Yay !
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    (Original post by markova21)
    He's just come downstairs and saw a Facebook post I made about it, saying I was a bit disappointed. He has said he'll go with me if I want as he didn't know I felt like that. Yay !
    Oh good! I think he made the right choice.
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    I'm glad he's going with you, but maybe this is a chance to start letting the apron strings a little looser. He's going to be making a lot of his own decisions soon, and while I'm sure he'll rely on you a lot for advice and such, he's going to also value his new independence.
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    awh yay glad it worked out
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    (Original post by markova21)
    We missed the Open Day at Ulster's Jordanstown Campus and there isn't going to be another one until next September. We live in Newry and I thought on one of his days off from college we could go ourselves and have a look round. I don't mean inside any accommodation or anything. Just to get a feel for the place he is thinking of applying for next year. He is 19 and doing the second year of a HND. But he said he will ask his mate to drive him there and the two of them can go and it'll be more fun.I get that he would rather go with his mate than his mum. His friend though, who he actually doesn't really know that well but has a car, will have no interest in any of it at all , and will want to come home asap without going on to look at Stranmillis and will probably try and talk him out of even applying to Uni like his friends all did 3 years ago. I wanted to have a look around as well and see what it was like. I was also thinking while we were there we could go to Stranmillis and look around there too as it's supposed to be really pretty and as a Jordanstown student he could live at Stranmillis if he wanted to. I'm feeling really disappointed and let down he doesn't want me to go with him. It's important for me to be able to see and get some idea of where he will be studying and living maybe next year. I suppose this means I will have to go and see it for myself on my own some other time. Sigh.
    Markova how old are you?.
    I thought you were 21 years old.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    We missed the Open Day at Ulster's Jordanstown Campus and there isn't going to be another one until next September. We live in Newry and I thought on one of his days off from college we could go ourselves and have a look round. I don't mean inside any accommodation or anything. Just to get a feel for the place he is thinking of applying for next year. He is 19 and doing the second year of a HND. But he said he will ask his mate to drive him there and the two of them can go and it'll be more fun.I get that he would rather go with his mate than his mum. His friend though, who he actually doesn't really know that well but has a car, will have no interest in any of it at all , and will want to come home asap without going on to look at Stranmillis and will probably try and talk him out of even applying to Uni like his friends all did 3 years ago. I wanted to have a look around as well and see what it was like. I was also thinking while we were there we could go to Stranmillis and look around there too as it's supposed to be really pretty and as a Jordanstown student he could live at Stranmillis if he wanted to. I'm feeling really disappointed and let down he doesn't want me to go with him. It's important for me to be able to see and get some idea of where he will be studying and living maybe next year. I suppose this means I will have to go and see it for myself on my own some other time. Sigh.
    I really understand how you feel as a parent, but you have to understand that by going to an open day with him, you're not letting him make his own decisions and you seem like you don't trust him in making them.
    He is becoming an adult now, you have to learn to 'let him go' and be independent. Isn't this why he's going to university in the first place; to essentially teach him responsibilities and accountabilities for his own actions?

    I worked on open days at university and it is pretty 'normal' to see prospective students without their parents; just with their friends or siblings if they have any.
    This is because they know this is the start of their life; start of becoming an adult.

    One of my (now former) housemate's parents used to visit him literally every week and I just felt like what is the point of you moving away from home if you're just going to get your mummy and daddy to visit you often? Thats not independent in my book.
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    (Original post by ThenextPresident)
    Markova how old are you?.
    I thought you were 21 years old.
    Ha !! I'm a 48 year old female called Lisa. My son is 19.
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    (Original post by Boreism)
    I really understand how you feel as a parent, but you have to understand that by going to an open day with him, you're not letting him make his own decisions and you seem like you don't trust him in making them.
    He is becoming an adult now, you have to learn to 'let him go' and be independent. Isn't this why he's going to university in the first place; to essentially teach him responsibilities and accountabilities for his own actions?

    I worked on open days at university and it is pretty 'normal' to see prospective students without their parents; just with their friends or siblings if they have any.
    This is because they know this is the start of their life; start of becoming an adult.

    One of my (now former) housemate's parents used to visit him literally every week and I just felt like what is the point of you moving away from home if you're just going to get your mummy and daddy to visit you often? Thats not independent in my book.
    If it was an Open Day I wouldn't mind. He missed it . We are just going to travel to the area on the train and have a look around to get a feel for the place. I just thought it would be a nice day out for the two of us on the train.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    Ha !! I'm a 48 year old female called Lisa. My son is 19.
    Ah. I thought your were 21 because your username is markova 21.
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    (Original post by ThenextPresident)
    Ah. I thought your were 21 because your username is markova 21.
    No. Markova is Dame Alicia Markova, who was Britain's first Prima Ballerina. The number is completely random.
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    Making a Facebook post about it is a bit too much tbh. My aunt didn't go to see any of her son's uni open days and everything was fine, my cousins are now happily in their 2nd and 3rd years. You just got to trust your son. When my friend and I went to a uni open day our family didn't go with us, I didn't think it was a big deal because my mum trusts me and knows I make sensible decisions
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    (Original post by markova21)
    No. Markova is Dame Alicia Markova, who was Britain's first Prima Ballerina. The number is completely random.
    Ah.
    I thought it was your age.

    And what is "Prima Ballerina"?.
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    (Original post by markova21)
    We missed the Open Day at Ulster's Jordanstown Campus and there isn't going to be another one until next September. We live in Newry and I thought on one of his days off from college we could go ourselves and have a look round. I don't mean inside any accommodation or anything. Just to get a feel for the place he is thinking of applying for next year. He is 19 and doing the second year of a HND. But he said he will ask his mate to drive him there and the two of them can go and it'll be more fun.I get that he would rather go with his mate than his mum. His friend though, who he actually doesn't really know that well but has a car, will have no interest in any of it at all , and will want to come home asap without going on to look at Stranmillis and will probably try and talk him out of even applying to Uni like his friends all did 3 years ago. I wanted to have a look around as well and see what it was like. I was also thinking while we were there we could go to Stranmillis and look around there too as it's supposed to be really pretty and as a Jordanstown student he could live at Stranmillis if he wanted to. I'm feeling really disappointed and let down he doesn't want me to go with him. It's important for me to be able to see and get some idea of where he will be studying and living maybe next year. I suppose this means I will have to go and see it for myself on my own some other time. Sigh.
    When you were a girl did you want your mum or dad going with you to your schools, university? (if you went) he's a teenage lad he doesn't want his mum cramping his style. Don't take offence just accept it from his point.

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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    When you were a girl did you want your mum or dad going with you to your schools, university? (if you went) he's a teenage lad he doesn't want his mum cramping his style. Don't take offence just accept it from his point.

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    I get that. But don't most parents attend Uni Open Days with their children to look around as well? It's not an Open Day but I would still like to at least see where he might be going to study and live next year.
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    (Original post by ThenextPresident)
    Ah.
    I thought it was your age.

    And what is "Prima Ballerina"?.
    A Prima Ballerina is a female professional ballet dancer of a very high rank; often the Senior Principal Dancer in a Ballet Company. The only higher rank is Prima Ballerina Assoluta and there have only ever been eleven of those in history. The Royal Ballet's Darcey Bussell, who most people know from Strictly Come Dancing is a Prima Ballerina. It is a rare title to bestow on a dancer.
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    (Original post by ThenextPresident)
    Ah. I thought your were 21 because your username is markova 21.
    Joined in 2013; why would you presume she was 21 in 2016?

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