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Started Uni and now Father died

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    Hi people,Just venting and asking some questions... Well, I just started Uni on Saturday (17th) and now I just found out that my Father died today (19th). I'm not sure how to feel about it. I've talked to my Mum for 10 seconds, and she was just heart broken and then hung up. My father was bedridden and had breathing problems the last few days, and ended up dying (in the hospital) from possible heart failure. He was quite old (60), but I was definitely not prepared to get hit by something like this right after starting University.

    What do I do now? I feel like I will just destroy myself if I actually go down there and see my mum and siblings. I pretty much have no idea how to feel about this. Seeing loved ones die sucks donkey balls. Should I talk to someone at University about it? I tend to keep things to myself, so I don't know if it is going to help or not. I've never experienced the death of someone first hand, so I'm quite nervous about what is going to happen in the days to come. I'm not sure how to face my mum and sister because I feel guilty that I haven't cried at all, and feel somewhat emotionless after hearing the news.

    Cheers guys.
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    My thoughts are with you.
    In my opinion, you should go down to see your family if only to just be there, as a family. There's not much that you can do to make anything any better, but it's important that the family deals with it together. My Granddad died recently - I didn't know him too well due to his mental health, but my dad was absolutely heartbroken. But I went to see him still. It hurts to see family members that upset and you might need to anticipate this. Talk to someone at uni about it too, if only to unload how you are feeling to help your mind better understand the situation.
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    I'm very sorry for your loss.
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    Thank you guys. I very much appreciate the advice ano. I will go down to see my family tomorrow. I called Samaritan, and they had the same advice/course of action.
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    I'm so sorry for your loss RIP!
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    Very sorry for your loss.
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    I'm sorry to hear about your father.

    Try not to feel guilty about not crying, there's no rules as to how you should feel, especially when the news is so recent and you're away from your family.

    Speak to your university, let them know about what's happened, they'll be able to make allowances for you to help and support you.
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    (Original post by Kreutzer)
    Hi people,Just venting and asking some questions... Well, I just started Uni on Saturday (17th) and now I just found out that my Father died today (19th). I'm not sure how to feel about it. I've talked to my Mum for 10 seconds, and she was just heart broken and then hung up. My father was bedridden and had breathing problems the last few days, and ended up dying (in the hospital) from possible heart failure. He was quite old (60), but I was definitely not prepared to get hit by something like this right after starting University.

    What do I do now? I feel like I will just destroy myself if I actually go down there and see my mum and siblings. I pretty much have no idea how to feel about this. Seeing loved ones die sucks donkey balls. Should I talk to someone at University about it? I tend to keep things to myself, so I don't know if it is going to help or not. I've never experienced the death of someone first hand, so I'm quite nervous about what is going to happen in the days to come. I'm not sure how to face my mum and sister because I feel guilty that I haven't cried at all, and feel somewhat emotionless after hearing the news.

    Cheers guys.

    A massive event for you. Was this all unexpected?

    People you should let know or talk to are.

    1. Your supervisor
    2. They will likely have a counselor at the uni or you could speak to a resident chaplain if they have one.

    You will be in shock so you dont have to cry and you dont have to feel anything.
    I dont know your family situation, but there will basically be a funeral in1-3 weeks time. They will need to decide if the cause of death was natural or not and if not there might be a delay for an autopsy. The Dr might be satisfed it was natural causes.

    Funeral happens., small service, might be at a church and then he ither gets buried or cremated. Theres tea and sandwiches after, hen everyone goes away and your mum and family try to get on with things but probably struggle to cope.

    Whatever you feel about sad , in shock or nothing its fine. We react in different ways. You do need to consider.

    1. Whether you need to go home and when for supporting your mum.
    2. What impact it will have on uni and whether you want to stay or not.

    You need to assess whther you can cope and whether you are needed at home or you should taje some time off. the Uni might make allowances for you i.e let you sit your exams later next summer. and give you time off or ultimately you could withdraw from the year and return next year. It really depends on you and your situation and what you wnat to do. Some people might just carry on whereas others wold wnat to go home and stay there.


    Fell free to pm me if you have any questions. I know the drill.
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    Ouch, my condolences.

    When my great grandma died I completely broke but I didn't cry so don't feel guilty for not crying - people process it differently. In truth I'm still not sure how to deal with the pain best, I just sort of got used to it.

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    sorry to hear that...

    Don't feel bad because you haven't responded the way you maybe think is more appropriate. There is no 'correct' way to feel grief and loss. When I lost a family member I went from waves of anger to hurt, but mostly I felt nothing for a very long time. See your family, it might help you to process it better.
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    I'm very sorry for your loss. Maybe you should meet with your family and go through old pictures, look at things that stand out that remind you of your father in a positive light. Maybe find something inspirational that your father use to do or a dream that was left incomplete.
    Take any support you can get - especially from friends and family.

    Otherwise, I wish you all the best.
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    Just saying 60 really aint old now, Like I consider it old, but I am young, like you, but it's really quite young to die.
    Well, try to support your mum but try to focus on work too, it's difficult as you need to be non emotional to focus on work but at the same time he's your dad. But do please help your mum, just listen, or help her with stuff if possible.
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    My deepest condolences.
    xxx
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    Sorry for your loss.
    My dad passed away right in the middle of exam season this year so it was very difficult for me to take time off, but I did it anyway and I'm glad. I had lecturers telling me that I should go back to classes and do tests just two weeks later and I'm very glad that I didn't take their advice.
    I think that it's not an ideal time for you to be at university and you should try your best to go home as soon as you can. As you've only just started uni, you should be able to defer your place to next year or withdraw from university and they will be able to refund your fees to student finance.
    I know that people will tell you your education is important and that you shouldn't spend too long mourning at home but I'm genuinely so glad that I spent the last 7 months helping my mum go back to normal. You have your whole life ahead of you, you can go to university next year or the year after. But I do not think that it's worth paying fees for uni when you're unlikely to be there for the first month or two now and you won't be focused on your studies and this isn't the state you want to be in when you're still new and haven't made any friends yet.

    You should speak to someone at university as soon as you can about suspending or withdrawing from studies and spend some time at home with your mum. My siblings all went back to work after a month and my mum was still in bits. People were coming to the house every day for two months to see her, distant relatives coming to mourn and sending food etc. If your siblings are at school or have work commitments then you should try you should try your best to stay with her. Being a student gives you so much flexibility because you can suspend or defer exams whenever something like this happens.

    Also, I didn't cry at first either. It's the shock that leaves you not really believing it's happened. It's weird but one of my cousins told me that fizzy drinks like cola help with the shock when you're feeling kind of numb and zoned out. It did work for me because I was feeling quite shakey and trembly without even realising it.

    Please look after your mum and be strong for your siblings. Notify the relevant staff at uni as early as you can. The first month will be the hardest but I promise time will heal and you'll feel better as you start to see your mum improving.

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