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My passion of medicine is destroying me

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi.

    I'm an 18 year old guy and I want to be a doctor, more than anything else in the world. People is my school automatically assumed I was clever because I was introverted and polite and I think I liked to believe I was some sort of genius too. I did well in my gcse's without giving it a second thought. Then when it came to the first year of A levels It went down hill, I was arrogant and thought I could do well without working and my grades of BCCD showed me up. My family was distraught, I was devastated. My family destroyed any self-confidence I had by reminding me how badly I had failed, don't get me wrong, they had good intentions, they wanted me to succeed and as my younger sibling suffers from severe learning disabilities they told me to my face I used to be their only hope. Now I know these aren't the worse grades in the world, but for medicine... they are. I was ashamed to tell people I still wanted to do medicine and how people would judge me on those grades. My teachers told me politely, to look somewhere else...Well I decided to end the little social life I had and work every opportunity I could get. Whenever my friends asked me to go out I would say no. I was feeling down and depressed but I thought all these feelings would go away if I got the grades I needed. But even after my exams finished, whenever my friends asked me to go out, to festivals, to pubs or just hang out, I would make an excuse, I don't know why, I just did.

    August 2016, I got A*AA, my parents cried with happiness, I was over the moon, for about an hour, then I became scared. I thought I would magically feel like myself again, happy, no longer anxious and depressed, but these feelings were and are still here and I feel silly for thinking they could just go away with a few letters on a piece of paper. Now all my friends are at university and I'm stuck at home, nothing to do, not even guaranteed an interview. I thought about going to the GP a few times, but I'm pretty sure I have to disclose information about my health before I join and it's not discrimination if they reject me, because they have grounds to do so, medicine is a stressful career and if I can't handle some AS levels how can I handle a career in medicine? (what they can argue, not what I think). And I was worried how I may have felt if I didn't do well in my A2 levels, I can't even think about how I'll feel if I end up with no offers.

    Are there any online-based chats I can use for support, I know there is a lot of phone help lines, but I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.

    Thanks.
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    This should be your Personal Statement
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    You have A*AA so you should apply imo. If it's what you really what, don't let anything hold you back. Remember that how you are know doesn't reflect the kind of doctor you will become.
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    I don't know if this is particularly the thing for you, but perhaps try 7cupsoftea.
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    "they wanted me to succeed and as my younger sibling suffers from severe learning disabilities they told me to my face I used to be their only hope"

    Your family are toxic

    Apply for medicine. Find something to do with your time (a job, or a hobby). Meet some people, go outside, take some walks. Best of luck
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Haha but as my parents are doctors and will be asking them for a lot of advice on my personal statement, I'd rather keep these feelings hidden :'
    (Original post by Mimir)
    This should be your Personal Statement
    Thanks for the kind words, but I'm afraid that my lack of confidence and anxiety may hinder me when it comes to interviews.
    (Original post by Lularose83)
    You have A*AA so you should apply imo. If it's what you really what, don't let anything hold you back. Remember that how you are know doesn't reflect the kind of doctor you will become.
    Thanks! I will give it a go.
    (Original post by LogicalFallacy)
    I don't know if this is particularly the thing for you, but perhaps try 7cupsoftea.
    I think that was just a heat of the moment thing and they were in shock too, but I would be lying if I said that phrase has stuck with me as well as them telling me the only reason they moved from their home country was so that I could have a good education. But they're all good now and incredibly proud of me. I'm going to go volunteer in a care home, but I doubt I can make some lasting friendships there.. I may try and do a tour of england going around all the uni's meeting up with my friends because otherwise I may just drive myself even deeper down.
    (Original post by 1010marina)
    "they wanted me to succeed and as my younger sibling suffers from severe learning disabilities they told me to my face I used to be their only hope"

    Your family are toxic

    Apply for medicine. Find something to do with your time (a job, or a hobby). Meet some people, go outside, take some walks. Best of luck
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    (Original post by Mimir)
    This should be your Personal Statement
    Including this part as well?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi.Are there any online-based chats I can use for support, I know there is a lot of phone help lines, but I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.Thanks.
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    (Original post by Mimir)
    This should be your Personal Statement
    Yeh - if you never want to become a doctor.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi.

    I'm an 18 year old guy and I want to be a doctor, more than anything else in the world. People is my school automatically assumed I was clever because I was introverted and polite and I think I liked to believe I was some sort of genius too. I did well in my gcse's without giving it a second thought. Then when it came to the first year of A levels It went down hill, I was arrogant and thought I could do well without working and my grades of BCCD showed me up. My family was distraught, I was devastated. My family destroyed any self-confidence I had by reminding me how badly I had failed, don't get me wrong, they had good intentions, they wanted me to succeed and as my younger sibling suffers from severe learning disabilities they told me to my face I used to be their only hope. Now I know these aren't the worse grades in the world, but for medicine... they are. I was ashamed to tell people I still wanted to do medicine and how people would judge me on those grades. My teachers told me politely, to look somewhere else...Well I decided to end the little social life I had and work every opportunity I could get. Whenever my friends asked me to go out I would say no. I was feeling down and depressed but I thought all these feelings would go away if I got the grades I needed. But even after my exams finished, whenever my friends asked me to go out, to festivals, to pubs or just hang out, I would make an excuse, I don't know why, I just did.

    August 2016, I got A*AA, my parents cried with happiness, I was over the moon, for about an hour, then I became scared. I thought I would magically feel like myself again, happy, no longer anxious and depressed, but these feelings were and are still here and I feel silly for thinking they could just go away with a few letters on a piece of paper. Now all my friends are at university and I'm stuck at home, nothing to do, not even guaranteed an interview. I thought about going to the GP a few times, but I'm pretty sure I have to disclose information about my health before I join and it's not discrimination if they reject me, because they have grounds to do so, medicine is a stressful career and if I can't handle some AS levels how can I handle a career in medicine? (what they can argue, not what I think). And I was worried how I may have felt if I didn't do well in my A2 levels, I can't even think about how I'll feel if I end up with no offers.

    Are there any online-based chats I can use for support, I know there is a lot of phone help lines, but I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.

    Thanks.
    Why exactly is it you want to read Medicine? This intrigues me, because I read a lot of threads on TSR by people who want to be doctors, and at university over the years I've known a lot of medical students - and the two never seem to line up.
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    You sure you actually want to be a doctor; and that its not your family pushing you to do it?
    Well done on your grades BTW!
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    Cant you just take a year out, the chill? Just sounds like you go to extremes and some time readjusting will put you in a ood position to continue with your pursuit if you decide thats what you want. All seems a bit extreme, dramatic and draining to me. Its soemthing you do to yourself, so you will have to alter your approach.
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    It's actually insane how many parallels there are between your situation and the one I used to be in. At AS, I did atrociously too *my grades were a little worse than yours*. My parents didn't really saw much to my face but I'd hear them a lot in a different room, arguing and blaming each other for my failure.. which made me feel pretty awful. I also wanted to do medicine at that time and so my parents pretty much destroyed my self confidence.. *and yep, my brothers have learning difficulties so all the pressure was on me*. I became depressed and my parents didn't really take me seriously but meh.

    At A2 I did better but I realised that medicine wasn't really my dream.. more my parents' dream for me. Now, I'm a lot happier and healthier. (: You definitely have the grades for medicine, anyway. You should think carefully as to whether medicine is something you want to realistically do. The grades you have are amazing and it's possible to do absolutely anything with them - not just medicine. You've worked hard at a level but a medicine degree will be much harder. As for chat rooms, I don't know of any aha..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Haha but as my parents are doctors and will be asking them for a lot of advice on my personal statement, I'd rather keep these feelings hidden :'


    Thanks for the kind words, but I'm afraid that my lack of confidence and anxiety may hinder me when it comes to interviews.


    Thanks! I will give it a go.


    I think that was just a heat of the moment thing and they were in shock too, but I would be lying if I said that phrase has stuck with me as well as them telling me the only reason they moved from their home country was so that I could have a good education. But they're all good now and incredibly proud of me. I'm going to go volunteer in a care home, but I doubt I can make some lasting friendships there.. I may try and do a tour of england going around all the uni's meeting up with my friends because otherwise I may just drive myself even deeper down.
    Surround yourself with people who care more about your happiness and well-being than your grades and job prospects (:

    Yeah I think that will be a good plan! Enjoy
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Haha, no I just have never talked about these feelings to anyone and I would find it strange sharing them with someone on the phone, an online based chat makes it that little more impersonal.
    (Original post by Pinkberry_y)
    Including this part as well?
    Why medicine? Well this may be the cliched answer but I genuinely have always enjoyed helping others and medicine allows me to pursue that whilst also learning about the human body which I find fascinating. I've shadowed doctors in 3 different continents getting a feel of the hospital environment around the world and it has only strengthened my passion. I'll save the rest for interviews and personal statements
    (Original post by Trinculo)
    Why exactly is it you want to read Medicine? This intrigues me, because I read a lot of threads on TSR by people who want to be doctors, and at university over the years I've known a lot of medical students - and the two never seem to line up.
    I do and after my grades my parents did ask me to look for other science degrees because medicine seemed a step too far, but I made the choice, by myself not to apply to any course other than medicine, so I took the risk and hopefully it pays off. And thanks
    (Original post by hellodave5)
    You sure you actually want to be a doctor; and that its not your family pushing you to do it?
    Well done on your grades BTW!
    I am currently on a gap year, but there's not a lot to do, the majority of my friends are at university, I still have UCAS and interviews to get over with, If I get an offer I will definitely feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but what if I feel the same like I did after my A level results?
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Cant you just take a year out, the chill? Just sounds like you go to extremes and some time readjusting will put you in a ood position to continue with your pursuit if you decide thats what you want. All seems a bit extreme, dramatic and draining to me. Its soemthing you do to yourself, so you will have to alter your approach.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Wow, yeah I can relate to almost everything you've mentioned.
    Congrats! What do you do now? I do really want to go to medicine, It's not about the money or the pedestal some people put medicine on, it just truly is a passion of mine.
    (Original post by Sammy9898)
    It's actually insane how many parallels there are between your situation and the one I used to be in. At AS, I did atrociously too *my grades were a little worse than yours*. My parents didn't really saw much to my face but I'd hear them a lot in a different room, arguing and blaming each other for my failure.. which made me feel pretty awful. I also wanted to do medicine at that time and so my parents pretty much destroyed my self confidence.. *and yep, my brothers have learning difficulties so all the pressure was on me*. I became depressed and my parents didn't really take me seriously but meh.

    At A2 I did better but I realised that medicine wasn't really my dream.. more my parents' dream for me. Now, I'm a lot happier and healthier. (: You definitely have the grades for medicine, anyway. You should think carefully as to whether medicine is something you want to realistically do. The grades you have are amazing and it's possible to do absolutely anything with them - not just medicine. You've worked hard at a level but a medicine degree will be much harder. As for chat rooms, I don't know of any aha..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)


    I am currently on a gap year, but there's not a lot to do, the majority of my friends are at university, I still have UCAS and interviews to get over with, If I get an offer I will definitely feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but what if I feel the same like I did after my A level results?
    Spend some time learning some stress coping techniques.
    Thinking about whteher you really wnat to do medicine or whether youd like to do something else. Some of this pressure is self exerted.

    You might not even get in this year. Some people have to try several times. they do so because they learn to cope and are a bit more resllient as well as chilled about things. It seems to be a ombination of your parents and yourself. Self inflicted.
    Do things which help you cope.


    Oh and is it really a passion or just an obsession? You sound smart enough to see that its mostly self inflicted, in which case a normal person would stop destroying themselves.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wow, yeah I can relate to almost everything you've mentioned.
    Congrats! What do you do now? I do really want to go to medicine, It's not about the money or the pedestal some people put medicine on, it just truly is a passion of mine.
    Yeah. I plan on applying for chemical engineering now on my gap year. *I'm 18*. My parents fully support me. It took a lot of time for them to come round to the idea that I wouldn't be a doctor but they did. Now they're pressuring me to live at home during uni which I absolutely will not be doing lol. But, I really do understand where my parents are coming from. They grew up with basically nothing and everything they do is for me and my brothers. I quite frequently get the speech from my dad about how he came to this country with nothing and blahblahblah aha. I do get it though. I'm glad you're passionate about medicine though. I've seen people in my year apply (and get rejected) just because of the money aspect, which annoys me.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Spend some time learning some stress coping techniques.
    Thinking about whteher you really wnat to do medicine or whether youd like to do something else. Some of this pressure is self exerted.

    You might not even get in this year. Some people have to try several times. they do so because they learn to cope and are a bit more resllient as well as chilled about things. It seems to be a ombination of your parents and yourself. Self inflicted.
    Do things which help you cope.


    Oh and is it really a passion or just an obsession? You sound smart enough to see that its mostly self inflicted, in which case a normal person would stop destroying themselves.
    Thanks for the insight! I am passionate about medicine and nothing would make me happier than getting into med school, I even attended a mini med school last year for a few months which included lectures given to medical students and I loved it. But it is the fear of failure which is getting to me, but I'll try to learn some coping techniques, thanks for the advice.

    (Original post by Sammy9898)
    Yeah. I plan on applying for chemical engineering now on my gap year. *I'm 18*. My parents fully support me. It took a lot of time for them to come round to the idea that I wouldn't be a doctor but they did. Now they're pressuring me to live at home during uni which I absolutely will not be doing lol. But, I really do understand where my parents are coming from. They grew up with basically nothing and everything they do is for me and my brothers. I quite frequently get the speech from my dad about how he came to this country with nothing and blahblahblah aha. I do get it though. I'm glad you're passionate about medicine though. I've seen people in my year apply (and get rejected) just because of the money aspect, which annoys me.
    Good luck! Haha I can relate to that too, my parents also want me to apply to the local medical school which is about 5 mins walk away, but I have eventually convinced them to let me grow up
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    TVF your parents are doctors. Dont you talk to them on any level and dont they know the mental health of their child?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the insight! I am passionate about medicine and nothing would make me happier than getting into med school, I even attended a mini med school last year for a few months which included lectures given to medical students and I loved it. But it is the fear of failure which is getting to me, but I'll try to learn some coping techniques, thanks for the advice.


    Good luck! Haha I can relate to that too, my parents also want me to apply to the local medical school which is about 5 mins walk away, but I have eventually convinced them to let me grow up
    Thanks, good luck to you too! dw if there's one thing I'm completely adamant on, it's that I don't live at home.. Oh wow. Do you mind me asking what city you live in? If you don't feel comfortable answering then you don't need to. Just curious.

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