Just one sec...
Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Will people always think I'm odd because of this?

Announcements Posted on
Take our short survey, £100 of Amazon vouchers to be won! 23-09-2016
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm dating a man who is much older than me, (in his late 50's but I'm around my late 20's). we go to the same martial arts club I've known him for 5 years previously and he used to train with me/coach me (but not officially). I'm very quiet, socially awkward and private person so I was worried what others would think initially, I avoided going to the club for 6 months. I finally plucked up the courage to go back and found that most people were OK with me but I got a few odd looks. I'm just very worried about people thinking in weird. Two women who I trained with deleted me off Facebook, one of them can be quite gossipy. I tried talking to her and gave her and her sons a lift home once after training. She didn't speak in the car it said 'brill your a star' when she was getting out the car. She still hasn't added me back on Facebook though lol. The thing is we don't even have sex, I'm 'frigid' not that into it (I have a fear of sti's which doesn't help) and it has put lots of pressure on the relationship so we are more like close friends at the moment. I still worry what people think though. Just wanted advice I mean am I over reacting or have I ruined whatever decent 'reputation' I might have had with people in the past. People say don't care what others think but the reality is I think it is just natural to do so.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm dating a man who is much older than me, (in his late 50's but I'm around my late 20's). we go to the same martial arts club I've known him for 5 years previously and he used to train with me/coach me (but not officially). I'm very quiet, socially awkward and private person so I was worried what others would think initially, I avoided going to the club for 6 months. I finally plucked up the courage to go back and found that most people were OK with me but I got a few odd looks. I'm just very worried about people thinking in weird. Two women who I trained with deleted me off Facebook, one of them can be quite gossipy. I tried talking to her and gave her and her sons a lift home once after training. She didn't speak in the car it said 'brill your a star' when she was getting out the car. She still hasn't added me back on Facebook though lol. The thing is we don't even have sex, I'm 'frigid' not that into it (I have a fear of sti's which doesn't help) and it has put lots of pressure on the relationship so we are more like close friends at the moment. I still worry what people think though. Just wanted advice I mean am I over reacting or have I ruined whatever decent 'reputation' I might have had with people in the past. People say don't care what others think but the reality is I think it is just natural to do so.
    Of course it's natural to care what others think, but you've just got to decide whether their opinion matters to you. These women who deleted you off facebook don't sound like they're your close friends, or even very nice people for that matter. And you even said yourself that most people seemed fine with it, so focus on that. Who cares if a couple of pathetic *****y people who aren't worth your time have some sort of 'problem' with a relationship that makes you happy? My friend's sister who is in her mid twenties is in a relationship with a guy in his late fifties. When her family found out, they weren't very happy about it buy then when they met him, they couldn't help liking him because he's such a sweet person and makes her so happy. So the people who matter will come round. A few people stopped talking to her and she said 'good. it's a great way to find out which of my friends weren't my real friends!'
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by halfhearted)
    Of course it's natural to care what others think, but you've just got to decide whether their opinion matters to you. These women who deleted you off facebook don't sound like they're your close friends, or even very nice people for that matter. And you even said yourself that most people seemed fine with it, so focus on that. Who cares if a couple of pathetic *****y people who aren't worth your time have some sort of 'problem' with a relationship that makes you happy? My friend's sister who is in her mid twenties is in a relationship with a guy in his late fifties. When her family found out, they weren't very happy about it buy then when they met him, they couldn't help liking him because he's such a sweet person and makes her so happy. So the people who matter will come round. A few people stopped talking to her and she said 'good. it's a great way to find out which of my friends weren't my real friends!'
    Thanks for that yes you do find out your real friends i suppose. That girl you mention isnt me is it, lol. No it cant be as ive no sisters. My family wernt very impressed either but i think they just have a 'it is what it is and thats it' attitude now. Even i see myself as weird for agreeing to the relationship and part of me knows the age gap is too much but i still like him
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You will never encounter a situation when everyone likes you, there also will be some people who wouldn't appreciate your. So you shouldn't put a lot of emphasise on what others think.
    Online

    3
    ReputationRep:
    People judge others, that's just a natural thing. You're gonna have to put up with it but it's really your choice. He's old enough to be your father but if you like him then no one's gonna stop you. As long as you're happy, you don't have to care about what others think.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by agrew)
    You will never encounter a situation when everyone likes you, there also will be some people who wouldn't appreciate your. So you shouldn't put a lot of emphasise on what others think.
    This is true but I know a few people who 'everyone' seems to like and respect. People just seem to gravitate towards them.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Wonder why u went for him?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    Wonder why u went for him?
    I'd had a crush on him for years (but he didn't know), since I first knew him.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd had a crush on him for years (but he didn't know), since I first knew him.
    More specifically why
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    You're a grown person you can do whatever you want to do, the perks of being an adult. Everyone else won't care they'll just think it's a typical young person having their kicks.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I don't mean anything personally, but, to other people you'd look like a goldigger. Young girls usuall go for old men just because of they money. What else can you benefit from him? He probably can't give birth to normal children or have any private life.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by TSR Mustafa)
    More specifically why
    He was good looking to me, fit body and I just grew attracted to him
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Fadel)
    I don't mean anything personally, but, to other people you'd look like a goldigger. Young girls usuall go for old men just because of they money. What else can you benefit from him? He probably can't give birth to normal children or have any private life.
    The people who think 'what else can she benefit from' though are surely materialistic as surely relationships are based on attraction and you cant always help who you like. Yea I was worried that id look like this to him at first so i made a conscious effort to make sure i at least paid half to everything incl meals drinks etc. Im also the driver he doesnt drive so i help him a lot by giving him lifts. He's a plumber/labourer so doesnt earn loads lolbut he's been off work injured (from sport) for most of the last 2 years. He does happen to be selling his house though and people from the martial arts club know this so I am worried they will think im a gold digger or something even though im having nothing to do with his house and money. He did ask me to
    move in with him but i refused for 2 reasons firstly i cant afford at the moment (still studying) and secondly im wary as he can be a bit controlling. He goes on about how i dont dress sexy/feminine etc which is true i guess im always in jeans and jumper. He criticises other things too but sometimes it is to try snd help/motivate me.

    You say he can't have a private life? Why is this, people of all ages have private lives lol.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for that yes you do find out your real friends i suppose. That girl you mention isnt me is it, lol. No it cant be as ive no sisters. My family wernt very impressed either but i think they just have a 'it is what it is and thats it' attitude now. Even i see myself as weird for agreeing to the relationship and part of me knows the age gap is too much but i still like him
    haha it does seem an awfully similar story doesn't it? I personally don't think an age gap can be 'too much' as long as both people are happy and the only motive is really liking each other. Just my opinion, but...
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    You're going out with him.
    Not marrying him, living with him or even sleeping with him.
    So what's the big deal? :dontknow:

    If it works for you that's fine.

    I predict from what you say that it won't go on for long anyway.
    Being controlling is not a good thing.
    And anyway you don't want to end up being nurse to an old man.

    Have a great time together and then move on.
    It's nobody else's business.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    do he got dolla doe?
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Sooo a year later and nothing has changed. Smh
 
 
 
Write a reply…

Reply

Submit reply

Register

Thanks for posting! You just need to create an account in order to submit the post
  1. this can't be left blank
    that username has been taken, please choose another Forgotten your password?
  2. this can't be left blank
    this email is already registered. Forgotten your password?
  3. this can't be left blank

    6 characters or longer with both numbers and letters is safer

  4. this can't be left empty
    your full birthday is required
  1. Oops, you need to agree to our Ts&Cs to register
  2. Slide to join now Processing…

Updated: September 21, 2016
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Poll
Who will be the next permanent England boss?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.