Parents visiting at Uni

OP

Original post by gdunne42

Definitely over thinking it.
After a few weeks of eating pot noodles on your minuscule budget you will be delighted to see your family and desperate for them to take you out for a decent meal. Don't be surprised if other mates try to blag an invite to join you.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Haha thanks for the reassurance :smile:

Yeah they would bring food too which is a bonus!

Reply 4

OP

Original post by Donkey******

Go meet them in town, rather than have them pick you up at your accommodation, or at least have them pick you up somewhere neutral, it's not too bad seeing your parents but, try and make it as infrequent as you can, or you'll feel like you never left.

Thanks, that's the problem tho as my dad comes every 2-4 weeks anyway to see his mum, so they would be coming every 2 or 4 weeks when it's their weekend off. Is that ok or? It would just be for 1-2 hours and then they would go as they know i would get embarrassed otherwise

Reply 5

Bittah Demon

3

Original post by alexp98

Thanks, that's the problem tho as my dad comes every 2-4 weeks anyway to see his mum, so they would be coming every 2 or 4 weeks when it's their weekend off. Is that ok or? It would just be for 1-2 hours and then they would go as they know i would get embarrassed otherwise

So if it's every 2 weeks, meet them every other visit. Or worst case, go out for a meal as has already been suggested, and enjoy that you can eat a decent meal once every couple of weeks.

You don't have to answer to flat mates all the time, just let them know you're popping out to meet your folks and get a free hot meal.

Reply 6

OP

Original post by Donkey******

So if it's every 2 weeks, meet them every other visit. Or worst case, go out for a meal as has already been suggested, and enjoy that you can eat a decent meal once every couple of weeks.

You don't have to answer to flat mates all the time, just let them know you're popping out to meet your folks and get a free hot meal.

Thanks

Reply 7

Nicoley-oley

16

I can totally relate to you here, my mother has decided that I should come home every weekend or they'll come visit every other weekend which just won't be possible, especially if I go somewhere up north (my family live on the south coast) but also, I just want my independence, don't get me wrong, I love having them around, but not so much when I'm finally taking that step and doing things myself and having my own space.

If they're anything like my family, they'll just say "oh don't be silly" if you explain that you'd rather them not visit you in those 2-4 weeks, but if they're reasonable enough, they'll understand, and over time they might relax on the visits.

But yeah, you're not alone haha.

Reply 8

Nicoley-oley

16

Alternatively, you could go with them to visit family, that way they get to see you and they don't have to come to your uni, avoiding any embarrassment... also, free food :wink:

Reply 9

DanB1991

17

Parents always say such things, in the end the most I ever say parents visit was every couple of months.

Reply 10

DrSocSciences

My parents didn't visit me when I was a student, and I don't visit my kids at uni, unless they specifically invite me. In my view, parents visiting more frequently tends to be about the parental need, and not the need of the young adult. It's really time to let go, at least until the end of each semester.

The parents who visit very regularly, every weekend say, just don't realise that they're actually getting in the way of their offspring meshing into the university culture.

So, to answer the question, yes, I think visiting fortnightly is excessive. It would be easier for you if, as others have suggested, you meet away from your accommodation.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 11

OP

Original post by DrSocSciences

My parents didn't visit me when I was a student, and I don't visit my kids at uni, unless they specifically invite me. In my view, parents visiting more frequently tends to be about the parental need, and not the need of the young adult. It's really time to let go, at least until the end of each semester.

The parents who visit very regularly, every weekend say, just don't realise that they're actually getting in the way of their offspring meshing into the university culture.

So, to answer the question, yes, I think visiting fortnightly is excessive. It would be easier for you if, as others have suggested, you meet away from your accommodation.

Ok cheers, and yeah it wouldn't be every weekend, it would be every 2 or 4 so that seems a bit more reasonable.

Reply 12

999tigger

Original post by alexp98

Would it be weird if they come to visit every 2-4 weeks, some of my dad's family live in Leicester and it's more of going to see them rather than me, but would others find it strange if they pop down and see me for an hour or two. (As i take it most parents don't come to visit often)

I'm the easily embarrassed type lol and want freedom but i guess it's hardly like they're actually coming to stay with me or anything, they would just be down for a bit and be on their way to see family.
Starting this week and i kinda wishing i choose somewhere else now lol, or am i overthinking it

Cheers

It depends. If you dont find it weird then its fine. You may be really close. Best friend sort of thing.
If its just a quick visit, then it would be fine. Maybe lunch at the local pub?
If youd find it awkward, the let your parents know its not common to bisit so often and looks like they wont let you grow up. Every other week sounds excessive imo and its nice to have your own space. They should also let you know in advance if they intend to come wherever they can.

Part of uni is getting your independence and if they keep checking up on you its as though they cant let go.

Reply 13

m-march1

I really don't think it's anything to be worried about. The people you're living with are hardly going to think you're a big freak because your parents come to visit you...everyone is in the same boat. Parents worry about and miss their kids, it's natural. It's nice that you'll get to see them every so often.

Personally my parents came to visit 2-4 times in a year but I lived quite far away from them and didn't really need or want for much from them - once I moved into a house share I lived there in the summers too. But plenty of people saw their parents much more regularly than that, either through going home or parents visiting.

Seriously, there are way better things to worry about...making new friends, getting to lectures, and the mega Freshers week hangovers. You're 18 years old, are your parents really still that embarrassing? You can't change them and presumably they love and have a good relationship you if they want to see you this often and vice-versa. I highly doubt other people are going to notice or care about the regularity with which you see your parents, and if they do, why is it important what they think anyway?!

Reply 14

Tiger Rag

22

Original post by Donkey******

You don't have to answer to flat mates all the time, just let them know you're popping out to meet your folks and get a free hot meal.

Indeed. We had a flatmate whose boyfriend stayed quite often and it was just "he's staying for the weekend" and they'd come and go and do their own thing. Her parents did come and visit once or twice too.

Reply 15

squeakysquirrel

Original post by alexp98

Would it be weird if they come to visit every 2-4 weeks, some of my dad's family live in Leicester and it's more of going to see them rather than me, but would others find it strange if they pop down and see me for an hour or two. (As i take it most parents don't come to visit often)

I'm the easily embarrassed type lol and want freedom but i guess it's hardly like they're actually coming to stay with me or anything, they would just be down for a bit and be on their way to see family.
Starting this week and i kinda wishing i choose somewhere else now lol, or am i overthinking it

Cheers

Definitely over thinking - this is not about you, this is about them - not wanting to let go. I visited all mine on a regular basis until I was sure that they were ok - it is because they care. enjoy the free food and treats that you will get.

Reply 16

DrSocSciences

Original post by squeakysquirrel

Definitely over thinking - this is not about you, this is about them - not wanting to let go. I visited all mine on a regular basis until I was sure that they were ok - it is because they care. enjoy the free food and treats that you will get.

I disagree with this. You can show that you care, and can provide treats, or money for food, without turning up in person. It causes hugely confusing dissonance for the young adult (at best), and at other times, it's just excruciating for them, when they're trying to establish their identity.

You're not going to be there at regular intervals as they settle into their first job after graduating, so turning up regularly at uni is denying them an important learning experience, and the opportunity to develop self-belief in their own coping skills.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 17

doodle_333