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Love yourself before you get into a relationship? Agree or disagree?

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I don't agree when people say that. I just think it insinuates that people with low self-esteem don't deserve to be loved. I mean it's great to love yourself, but a lot of people don't. I may be wrong, but whatever.
I don't agree, but for those with low self-esteem: don't go into a relationship expecting your partner to "fix" you.
Agree and Disagree.....

There must be a certain amount of self-loving in a relationship just so that you know that it is not okay for a guy to use you...(depends on the situation) like I dunno a guy might take advantage of the fact that you dont love yourself-it may give an excuse to him.....

But also there is the case when your real Prince Charming comes and teaches you to love yourself because he loves you more and cannot accept the fact that you love yourself....

I feel as you should love yourself to an extent where you're not feeling low and depressed if you dont want to love yourself more...but you shouldn't love yourself to an extent where you're too vain and all....I might be wrong, but this is my opinion!
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Rum Ham
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I don't agree that it is essential but I can see the points from those who do believe its essential to love yourself before getting into a relationship and those who don't.

I can see why its important to love yourself before getting into a relationship as you have to be comfortable in your own skin and be confident on being alone if any relationship doesn't work out and also you have to have enough respect for yourself to realise what you deserve and that you shouldn't settle for second best and to realise that its better to be alone than with the wrong person.

But then I also believe that being with the right person can help you love yourself. Sometimes you need someone else to show you the good qualities about yourself that you often miss or ignore. You can't expect a partner to fix your flaws but the right partner can help you see the positive in you.
In an ideal world then yes because you are going to be able to attract a wider range of partners and also be more able to take an active role in the relationship. If you meet the right person who is supportive and loving, then perhaps they see the value, that a person with low self esteem cannot and a relationship can have a very positive effect. They wouldnt have had that benefit if they werent prepared to try a relationship.

The opposite is also true is that the wrong person can take advantage the low self esteem abuse and bully. With most things just be careful of who you choose.
Original post by WBZ144
I don't agree, but for those with low self-esteem: don't go into a relationship expecting your partner to "fix" you.


Your partner can "fix" you...there are so many guys out there in the world who do help their partners to learn to love themselves.....or there's when people change when they are in a relationship...As in people who feel loved may be the ones who have started loving themselves, and this may have only happened when they have found someone who may have "fix"ed them....
Wholeheartedly agree. That is only if by loving yourself you mean accepting your flaws and becoming independent. Dependent and codependent relationships are not healthy.
Thats alot of pressure to put on one person. Also what if they leave? Won't you feel lost since you depended on that person's validation so much?
Original post by LostGirlOnTheRun
Your partner can "fix" you...there are so many guys out there in the world who do help their partners to learn to love themselves.....or there's when people change when they are in a relationship...As in people who feel loved may be the ones who have started loving themselves, and this may have only happened when they have found someone who may have "fix"ed them....
Original post by AlexLawrence1453
Wholeheartedly agree. That is only if by loving yourself you mean accepting your flaws and becoming independent. Dependent and codependent relationships are not healthy.


I agree
So people are more attractive when they love themselves?

Original post by 999tigger
In an ideal world then yes because you are going to be able to attract a wider range of partners and also be more able to take an active role in the relationship. If you meet the right person who is supportive and loving, then perhaps they see the value, that a person with low self esteem cannot and a relationship can have a very positive effect. They wouldnt have had that benefit if they werent prepared to try a relationship.

The opposite is also true is that the wrong person can take advantage the low self esteem abuse and bully. With most things just be careful of who you choose.
I think the biggest issue here is that people expect or look forward to a time when someone "completes" them or "fixes" them or "saves" them. None of this can happen when you're dependent on someone else for it. Complete yourself, "fix" yourself and be happy with yourself before you get into a relationship if you actually want to be happy.
Original post by Secretnerd123
So people are more attractive when they love themselves?


I would say thats a definite yes. You are likely to be more confident and comfy within your own skin. People like that. Theres a difference between that and someone who is vain, arrogant, narcissitic, selfish, psychopathic or up themselves as that would be a massive turn off.


So someone who I think loves themself i'd prefer to think has avoided the above traits, but is confident and balanced.
Original post by AlexLawrence1453
I think the biggest issue here is that people expect or look forward to a time when someone "completes" them or "fixes" them or "saves" them. None of this can happen when you're dependent on someone else for it. Complete yourself, "fix" yourself and be happy with yourself before you get into a relationship if you actually want to be happy.


How will the relationship be once you love yourself? Much happier I assume? And less pressure since you dont depend on the person for your happiness at all
Also what do u mean active role in the relationship?

Original post by 999tigger
In an ideal world then yes because you are going to be able to attract a wider range of partners and also be more able to take an active role in the relationship. If you meet the right person who is supportive and loving, then perhaps they see the value, that a person with low self esteem cannot and a relationship can have a very positive effect. They wouldnt have had that benefit if they werent prepared to try a relationship.

The opposite is also true is that the wrong person can take advantage the low self esteem abuse and bully. With most things just be careful of who you choose.
Original post by Secretnerd123
How will the relationship be once you love yourself? Much happier I assume? And less pressure since you dont depend on the person for your happiness at all


It depends on what you mean by loving yourself. Vanity can be a huge problem if that's what you mean. Relationships will usually improve if each partner is independent and happy on their own terms. I don't see a relationship as two people filling each other's gaps and completing each other. It's two complete people entering a commitment to create something better than the sum of its parts. If you make that work, then you'll be much happier and fulfilled.
Original post by Secretnerd123
Also what do u mean active role in the relationship?


Lol I had to read it again because i forget......


A confident person is more likely to be happy in communicating with someone else to tell them what they like and also what they do not.

Have a disagreement, then you will be pro active in helping resolve it because you are less worried about consequences. I think you are more likley to state your case, seek proper resoluion, listen to the other side and be prepared to walk away or call someone out on their behaviour. They have the insurance that if a relationship breaks then its just them, but they are quite happy being single.

Low self esteem then you wont have the confidence to speak up for yourself imo and you are going to worry about what the other person thinks or dies, which leaves you suceptible to someone who might be domineering , doesn't make an effort or is just plain rubbish. I would imagine in some situations where you dont love or even dislike yourself then you could feel a bit fatalistic as though you dont derve to be loved or you brought it on yourself. Dysfunctional thinking which makes you vulnerable. That means you are a bit more passive than the one with confidence and self esteem.

It doesnt make you any less worth as a person.
Original post by AlexLawrence1453
It depends on what you mean by loving yourself. Vanity can be a huge problem if that's what you mean. Relationships will usually improve if each partner is independent and happy on their own terms. I don't see a relationship as two people filling each other's gaps and completing each other. It's two complete people entering a commitment to create something better than the sum of its parts. If you make that work, then you'll be much happier and fulfilled.



love love love this thought process! :smile:
This is why im working on myself and I hope my future husband is too
I agree. Being insecure in a relationship puts so much strain on you and the other person. You end up believing you're not what they like, you could be better. Too much anxiety and mistrust, it's not worth it.
I love myself, I want you to love me
When I feel down, I want you above me
I search myself, I want you to find me
I forget myself, I want you to remind me

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