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Worried about the social side of uni?

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    So I'm 18 and starting uni soon and the part I am most scared about is the social side. This might give you an indication why:

    1. I have severe social anxiety (high school and sixth form were already very very difficult, and am already on medication and have tried years of therapy)

    2. I don't drink (personal reasons) and weed makes my anxiety worse

    3. I've been in a long term relationship for four years (and I'd like to keep it going)

    4. My boyfriend is my best friend but I have nobody else and lack the social skills to make any other friends

    So that rules out a typical student's fun, and in most peoples eyes this makes me boring. In sixth form people seemed to like me and want to talk to me but I just couldn't speak enough to actually form any friendships despite me really wanting and trying to. Any advice? I'm tired of watching everyone else have a social life, or at least possessing the ability to have one apart from me
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    Uni is for higher education. If you think it's for anything else, like a lifestyle for a few years before you grow up into a proper adult, frankly you are deluded. Unless your parents are ridiculously rich, then go for it, party your tits off.

    University isn't meant to be fun! it's meant, if you are doing a serious degree, to be some of the hardest years of your life.

    If you are a spoilt trustafarian that doesn't need to worry about anything until you're 21 trust fund matures, sure **** off to Bali or Thailand for a few years and blow rock stars and do coke and mushrooms, and die your hair purple. If you are an average normal person, forget about uni social life being close to a priority. .

    No offense. How old are you? Time to grow up and enter the real world.
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    Uni is for higher education. If you think it's for anything else, like a lifestyle for a few years before you grow up into a proper adult, frankly you are deluded. Unless your parents are ridiculously rich, then go for it, party your tits off.

    University isn't meant to be fun! it's meant, if you are doing a serious degree, to be some of the hardest years of your life.

    If you are a spoilt trustafarian that doesn't need to worry about anything until you're 21 trust fund matures, sure **** off to Bali or Thailand for a few years and blow rock stars and do coke and mushrooms, and die your hair purple. If you are an average normal person, forget about uni social life being close to a priority. .

    No offense. How old are you? Time to grow up and enter the real world.
    That's the thing - I couldn't care less about partying. I don't have rich parents, but I have a mental illness that is debilitating and I find it difficult to even leave the house some days. Having no friends makes me even more isolated and depressed - I need some down time with other humans. This is the problem I am trying to solve - not "how can I party to make friends"; sorry if I phrased it badly.
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    (Original post by zara.am)
    So I'm 18 and starting uni soon and the part I am most scared about is the social side. This might give you an indication why:

    1. I have severe social anxiety (high school and sixth form were already very very difficult, and am already on medication and have tried years of therapy)

    2. I don't drink (personal reasons) and weed makes my anxiety worse

    3. I've been in a long term relationship for four years (and I'd like to keep it going)

    4. My boyfriend is my best friend but I have nobody else and lack the social skills to make any other friends

    So that rules out a typical student's fun, and in most peoples eyes this makes me boring. In sixth form people seemed to like me and want to talk to me but I just couldn't speak enough to actually form any friendships despite me really wanting and trying to. Any advice? I'm tired of watching everyone else have a social life, or at least possessing the ability to have one apart from me
    OP, contrary to what the above poster says, uni IS supposed to be fun. As well as being a time to work hard, it's the time to enjoy being independent, learn new things, try new things and meet new people.

    On the subject of making friends, what are your interests? your uni will have loads of societies and there'll be at least one that you will like. Its the best way to meet people with similar interests and you'll be able to socialise and make friends that way.

    Don't isolate yourself. Go in with an open-mind and give uni a shot.


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    (Original post by zara.am)
    That's the thing - I couldn't care less about partying. I don't have rich parents, but I have a mental illness that is debilitating and I find it difficult to even leave the house some days. Having no friends makes me even more isolated and depressed - I need some down time with other humans. This is the problem I am trying to solve - not "how can I party to make friends"; sorry if I phrased it badly.
    omg I can't think of them top of my head except the truly mind blowingly excepcional 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus and the equally instructive and informative, Also 'The Highly Sensitive Person' by Elaine N. Aron.

    I always was conditioned by norms of reality to think something was wrong with me.
    I wasn't shy, or antisocial, I needed regular breaks on my own to 'recharge' because society burnt me out. Understanding introversion, if that is your issue, Is a huge help in understanding what is going on neurologically.
    In many ways it's the greatest gift. Most of the greatest artists, musicians, architects, painters, philosophers.. the gretest minds of mankind where introverts.

    Because they could if they wanted create a multiverse of galactic proportion and in graphic detail escribe it's culture, laws, politics, because they can think so deeply without distraction.

    If you find, that you hit the parameters, and you are what is considered introvert? Don't for one minute feel bad. Extroverts are flamboyant, superficial, arrogant, fashion queens. Introverts create the history and philosophy of a million years of future generations, in our minds !!!!
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    (Original post by zara.am)
    So I'm 18 and starting uni soon and the part I am most scared about is the social side. This might give you an indication why:

    1. I have severe social anxiety (high school and sixth form were already very very difficult, and am already on medication and have tried years of therapy)

    2. I don't drink (personal reasons) and weed makes my anxiety worse

    3. I've been in a long term relationship for four years (and I'd like to keep it going)

    4. My boyfriend is my best friend but I have nobody else and lack the social skills to make any other friends

    So that rules out a typical student's fun, and in most peoples eyes this makes me boring. In sixth form people seemed to like me and want to talk to me but I just couldn't speak enough to actually form any friendships despite me really wanting and trying to. Any advice? I'm tired of watching everyone else have a social life, or at least possessing the ability to have one apart from me
    Talk to the disabilities people, they will have dealt with people with social anxiety before and may offer support.

    Plenty of people dont drink alcohol.

    You should have been working on a coping strategy with your therapist. You cna make friends in your accommodation (if its a house or flat tell them) or on your course or bu joining societies that interest you. Just smile and answer the basic questions where are you from, what are you studying, what A leveld do you do etc.

    Everyone is keen to talk at the beginning, just be sociable, make an effort, dont hide in your room, but dont pressurise yourself. Maybe go for a coffee, some food or just for a wlak round campus wouldnt be too full on for you. If night clubs arent for you or all night bar sessions just say thanks but no thanks and explain why. Dont do anything you dont wnat to.


    There will be other people who are anxious, shy or just not as outgoing worried about the same things you are. Dont worry, but do make a minimal effort rather than hide.
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    (Original post by TyeMc)
    OP, contrary to what the above poster says, uni IS supposed to be fun. As well as being a time to work hard, it's the time to enjoy being independent, learn new things, try new things and meet new people.

    On the subject of making friends, what are your interests? your uni will have loads of societies and there'll be at least one that you will like. Its the best way to meet people with similar interests and you'll be able to socialise and make friends that way.

    Don't isolate yourself. Go in with an open-mind and give uni a shot.


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    Thank you for your response, I'll definitely try and use your advice
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    omg I can't think of them top of my head except the truly mind blowingly excepcional 'Party of One' by Anneli Rufus and the equally instructive and informative, Also 'The Highly Sensitive Person' by Elaine N. Aron.

    I always was conditioned by norms of reality to think something was wrong with me.
    I wasn't shy, or antisocial, I needed regular breaks on my own to 'recharge' because society burnt me out. Understanding introversion, if that is your issue, Is a huge help in understanding what is going on neurologically.
    In many ways it's the greatest gift. Most of the greatest artists, musicians, architects, painters, philosophers.. the gretest minds of mankind where introverts.

    Because they could if they wanted create a multiverse of galactic proportion and in graphic detail escribe it's culture, laws, politics, because they can think so deeply without distraction.

    If you find, that you hit the parameters, and you are what is considered introvert? Don't for one minute feel bad. Extroverts are flamboyant, superficial, arrogant, fashion queens. Introverts create the history and philosophy of a million years of future generations, in our minds !!!!
    I'm reading Quiet by Susan Cain at the moment and it's all about that and it's definitely helped me accept it, but I'm still dealing with the fearful side of things
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    Lol


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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Talk to the disabilities people, they will have dealt with people with social anxiety before and may offer support.

    Plenty of people dont drink alcohol.

    You should have been working on a coping strategy with your therapist. You cna make friends in your accommodation (if its a house or flat tell them) or on your course or bu joining societies that interest you. Just smile and answer the basic questions where are you from, what are you studying, what A leveld do you do etc.

    Everyone is keen to talk at the beginning, just be sociable, make an effort, dont hide in your room, but dont pressurise yourself. Maybe go for a coffee, some food or just for a wlak round campus wouldnt be too full on for you. If night clubs arent for you or all night bar sessions just say thanks but no thanks and explain why. Dont do anything you dont wnat to.


    There will be other people who are anxious, shy or just not as outgoing worried about the same things you are. Dont worry, but do make a minimal effort rather than hide.
    Thank you so much for your advice
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    May I ask how did you manage to get a boyfriend despite your social anxiety. I am not questioning your social anxiety, I am just a little surprised because surely entering a relationship is more anxiety provoking than friendships.
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    (Original post by Kyle1198)
    May I ask how did you manage to get a boyfriend despite your social anxiety. I am not questioning your social anxiety, I am just a little surprised because surely entering a relationship is more anxiety provoking than friendships.
    It took 6 months of us talking before I came slightly comfortable around him but we both liked each other so we persisted

    (sorry about the laughing part I edited, I mixed you up with the other poster)
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    (Original post by Reaver Daniels)
    Lol


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    Hilarious
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    (Original post by 303Pharma)
    Uni is for higher education. If you think it's for anything else, like a lifestyle for a few years before you grow up into a proper adult, frankly you are deluded. Unless your parents are ridiculously rich, then go for it, party your tits off.

    University isn't meant to be fun! it's meant, if you are doing a serious degree, to be some of the hardest years of your life.

    If you are a spoilt trustafarian that doesn't need to worry about anything until you're 21 trust fund matures, sure **** off to Bali or Thailand for a few years and blow rock stars and do coke and mushrooms, and die your hair purple. If you are an average normal person, forget about uni social life being close to a priority. .

    No offense. How old are you? Time to grow up and enter the real world.


    No doubt this is exactly what it is for many people.

    I agree with a lot of what you say. Clearly only the wealthy can afford to go and piss away their time.

    However, you also have to invest in the social side if you want to get the best out of it. People don't get a chance like this again.
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    (Original post by zara.am)
    So I'm 18 and starting uni soon and the part I am most scared about is the social side. This might give you an indication why:

    1. I have severe social anxiety (high school and sixth form were already very very difficult, and am already on medication and have tried years of therapy)

    2. I don't drink (personal reasons) and weed makes my anxiety worse

    3. I've been in a long term relationship for four years (and I'd like to keep it going)

    4. My boyfriend is my best friend but I have nobody else and lack the social skills to make any other friends

    So that rules out a typical student's fun, and in most peoples eyes this makes me boring. In sixth form people seemed to like me and want to talk to me but I just couldn't speak enough to actually form any friendships despite me really wanting and trying to. Any advice? I'm tired of watching everyone else have a social life, or at least possessing the ability to have one apart from me
    Hi! Good luck at uni I'm sure you'll have an amazing time. First things first I would say make sure you have support systems for your mental health in place at uni - ie. make an appointment with the counselling service just so you're aware of everything they can offer you, even if you don't want to have counselling or anything else while you're there. I'd also say make your living space as comfortable as possible, as this will help more than you can imagine. (Decorate the **** out of that room). Look after your physical health too - it's super easy to let this slip when you start somewhere new but drink lots of water and feed yourself well.

    When you are your healthiest self the other stuff will be easier. If you have specific interests and want to force yourself to socialise, join a society. If you don't but want to meet some people in similar situations, there might be a mental health type society or network at your SU.

    Not drinking is not a problem. People think that's all everyone does at uni, but there are loads of students who don't drink for a variety of reasons, and if anyone is making you feel pressured or anything about it, you don't want them as a friend.

    Personally, I would say not to rely too much on your boyfriend as it won't be the healthiest thing for either of you, and you might resent the whole uni experience for making you be apart if it's a long distance thing. But obviously you know your own relationship better than I do.

    Hope that's helpful!
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    (Original post by Rowena96)
    Hi! Good luck at uni I'm sure you'll have an amazing time. First things first I would say make sure you have support systems for your mental health in place at uni - ie. make an appointment with the counselling service just so you're aware of everything they can offer you, even if you don't want to have counselling or anything else while you're there. I'd also say make your living space as comfortable as possible, as this will help more than you can imagine. (Decorate the **** out of that room). Look after your physical health too - it's super easy to let this slip when you start somewhere new but drink lots of water and feed yourself well.

    When you are your healthiest self the other stuff will be easier. If you have specific interests and want to force yourself to socialise, join a society. If you don't but want to meet some people in similar situations, there might be a mental health type society or network at your SU.

    Not drinking is not a problem. People think that's all everyone does at uni, but there are loads of students who don't drink for a variety of reasons, and if anyone is making you feel pressured or anything about it, you don't want them as a friend.

    Personally, I would say not to rely too much on your boyfriend as it won't be the healthiest thing for either of you, and you might resent the whole uni experience for making you be apart if it's a long distance thing. But obviously you know your own relationship better than I do.

    Hope that's helpful!
    lovely response. what a nice person.

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