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Would you date a bisexual person? If not, why?
Hi - some context:
I am a 25 year old bisexual man, and open about this for the last couple of years in various but increasing degrees. It is rare that I am into that many people and have only been with a handful of people at all and only slept with a couple. I have had 2 long term (2+ year) relationships with women and 1 very short and disastrous one with a guy when I was very young. I don't really like dating in itself and really just like the idea of settling down with someone. I have been both single and celibate (not for this reason) for the last 3 years.
Following a long period of feeling very jaded and bitter about the people who didn't work out and sorting out some personal problems, I am feeling more suited to getting back into dating, but I am worried about this because of my sexuality and of people's possible reactions to it and of what I may lose as a result. This is because of 2 reasons:
1) In the past when I have not mentioned it beforehand and either divulged the truth about my sexuality to my girlfriends, or it has been uncovered in some other way, it has led to them bursting into tears and saying they feel sick for kissing me, and the relationship ending shortly after as a result of subsequent arguments.
2) Society's general erasure of bisexuality that in the minds of straight women a bi guy is gay and in the minds of gay guys a bi guy is straight, and the idea that a bi guy must somehow either be dating 2 people at the same time or be fantasizing over the sex of the person he is not with. According to society, the only people bi guys can legitimately be with is other bi guys, which serves as a problem to me as I am generally into more women.
This leaves me with the following options:
a) Tell people I want to date immediately I am bisexual, only for them to walk away.
b) Tell people I want to date I immediately I am straight (or gay when necessary) and feel constantly uncomfortable with them.
c) Not specifically disclose it, but reveal it after a period of trust with the higher likelihood of everything rapidly imploding down the toilet.
This leaves me feeling very desolate about the future, and I would love to know other people's opinions on this:
Regardless of your sex/gender or sexuality:
- Which of the above options should I choose when dating?
- Would you yourself date a bisexual person/man/woman if he/she was your perfect person until this detail was revealed?
- If not, why not, and what has led you to believe that?
- What would your reaction be if this was revealed some way into a relationship?
All advice and opinions appreciated, thanks!
I am a 25 year old bisexual man, and open about this for the last couple of years in various but increasing degrees. It is rare that I am into that many people and have only been with a handful of people at all and only slept with a couple. I have had 2 long term (2+ year) relationships with women and 1 very short and disastrous one with a guy when I was very young. I don't really like dating in itself and really just like the idea of settling down with someone. I have been both single and celibate (not for this reason) for the last 3 years.
Following a long period of feeling very jaded and bitter about the people who didn't work out and sorting out some personal problems, I am feeling more suited to getting back into dating, but I am worried about this because of my sexuality and of people's possible reactions to it and of what I may lose as a result. This is because of 2 reasons:
1) In the past when I have not mentioned it beforehand and either divulged the truth about my sexuality to my girlfriends, or it has been uncovered in some other way, it has led to them bursting into tears and saying they feel sick for kissing me, and the relationship ending shortly after as a result of subsequent arguments.
2) Society's general erasure of bisexuality that in the minds of straight women a bi guy is gay and in the minds of gay guys a bi guy is straight, and the idea that a bi guy must somehow either be dating 2 people at the same time or be fantasizing over the sex of the person he is not with. According to society, the only people bi guys can legitimately be with is other bi guys, which serves as a problem to me as I am generally into more women.
This leaves me with the following options:
a) Tell people I want to date immediately I am bisexual, only for them to walk away.
b) Tell people I want to date I immediately I am straight (or gay when necessary) and feel constantly uncomfortable with them.
c) Not specifically disclose it, but reveal it after a period of trust with the higher likelihood of everything rapidly imploding down the toilet.
This leaves me feeling very desolate about the future, and I would love to know other people's opinions on this:
Regardless of your sex/gender or sexuality:
- Which of the above options should I choose when dating?
- Would you yourself date a bisexual person/man/woman if he/she was your perfect person until this detail was revealed?
- If not, why not, and what has led you to believe that?
- What would your reaction be if this was revealed some way into a relationship?
All advice and opinions appreciated, thanks!
(edited 7 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Oh so you're male and bi
right well dunno what to tell you but would I date a bi girl? Hell naw.
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
right well dunno what to tell you but would I date a bi girl? Hell naw.
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
I would but I'm a deviant.
I'm a female and bi and I hate the misconception that all bi people are crazy or will cheat. Those who cheat, do so regardless of being in a bi relationship or not. Being bi does not increase the chance of infidelity occurring or non stability, if you find you are dating bi people who cheat or act unusual then it's their personality not their sexuality.
I also hate the fact that some people who are gay or lesbian say being bi is a phase and we aren't really into this sort of stuff, yes being bi can allude to a phase but that's being bi-curious and not actually being bi. Sorry for the rant.
I also hate the fact that some people who are gay or lesbian say being bi is a phase and we aren't really into this sort of stuff, yes being bi can allude to a phase but that's being bi-curious and not actually being bi. Sorry for the rant.
I was in a relationship with a bi girl, so the answer to your OP is Yes.In answer to your thread content, however, I think you should be open from the start. Why? It'll weed out the wrong people and leave you with the right. Sure, you may find yourself getting less dates, but you'll be getting dates with people who don't have an issue with your sexuality and therefore you can discover if they are compatible with you in other aspects of life.
Think of it like setting your preferences when writing an online dating profile; you can filter out people for a variety of different things, including sexuality. They can too. Be clear from the start, and you're skipping the hassle of finding out later on you're not right for one another.
Think of it like setting your preferences when writing an online dating profile; you can filter out people for a variety of different things, including sexuality. They can too. Be clear from the start, and you're skipping the hassle of finding out later on you're not right for one another.
Original post by Sarahsez
No they crazy
Amber heard
Amber heard
Thankyou for your constructive comment.
I remember the days when there was such a thing as negative rep.
Original post by Clez
Thankyou for your constructive comment.
I remember the days when there was such a thing as negative rep.
I remember the days when there was such a thing as negative rep.
Angelina Jolie ???
Original post by 0to100
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
This is part of the problem - I don't know about your girl in question, but people always say that bi girls are actually straight and bi guys are actually gay and everyone is just pretending as if they didn't have conscious thought and self-observation.
I made the point about dating at the same time in my OP, that is to do with individuals, not sexualities.
I am an honest person and I hate lying and people who lie - but saying at the beginning is likely to lead to a lot of people walking away, this is my point.
Original post by Sarahsez
Angelina Jolie ???
I have no idea what your point is. You didn't answer any of the questions of the OP.
Original post by Rhythmical
I'm a female and bi and I hate the misconception that all bi people are crazy or will cheat. Those who cheat, do so regardless of being in a bi relationship or not. Being bi does not increase the chance of infidelity occurring or non stability, if you find you are dating bi people who cheat or act unusual then it's their personality not their sexuality.
I also hate the fact that some people who are gay or lesbian say being bi is a phase and we aren't really into this sort of stuff, yes being bi can allude to a phase but that's being bi-curious and not actually being bi. Sorry for the rant.
I also hate the fact that some people who are gay or lesbian say being bi is a phase and we aren't really into this sort of stuff, yes being bi can allude to a phase but that's being bi-curious and not actually being bi. Sorry for the rant.
I am glad there are more bisexual people on tsr who are frustrated by this too! I don't know why people say bi people are crazy or will cheat or why they make an assumption based on other bi people they have seen or read about. It's like saying "I once knew this person with blue eyes who was a liar. People with blue eyes are all liars!".
Original post by Clez
I am glad there are more bisexual people on tsr who are frustrated by this too! I don't know why people say bi people are crazy or will cheat or why they make an assumption based on other bi people they have seen or read about. It's like saying "I once knew this person with blue eyes who was a liar. People with blue eyes are all liars!".
There was a thread about the misconceptions faced by bi people a while back, I find it annoying how I'm always expected to fancy my same sex friends too
My ex didn't like the fact I was bi, he slowly came round to the idea but he expected me to cheat on with him with a girl or he would say "are you going to date a girl now?" which is devastating as people see being bi as having fun and just ****ing people. I blame a lot of the media for this, in films you see bi people portrayed as cheats or such outlandish boisterous people who want to drink all day and night long.
Original post by 0to100
Oh so you're male and bi
right well dunno what to tell you but would I date a bi girl? Hell naw.
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
right well dunno what to tell you but would I date a bi girl? Hell naw.
I did that before and she kept ..honestly...she wasnt even bi, I think she just called herself that.
I think she was "heterofluid" or whatever the **** it's called. When you're straight but will have kisses and flings occasionally without thought with soeone of the same sex. It drove me mad. Mostly because she was a hot mess about it.
So yes say it up front and don't date two people at the same time and think you can get away with it just because they're diff sexes, that is ridiculous.
So she wasn't bi then.. *
Original post by Anonymous
So she wasn't bi then.. *
Don't tell a bi person that. Or someone who calls themselves bi. I am saying it's not bi, she identifies as such because she sleeps with men and women at the end of the day.
Original post by Clez
This is part of the problem - I don't know about your girl in question, but people always say that bi girls are actually straight and bi guys are actually gay and everyone is just pretending as if they didn't have conscious thought and self-observation.
I made the point about dating at the same time in my OP, that is to do with individuals, not sexualities.
I am an honest person and I hate lying and people who lie - but saying at the beginning is likely to lead to a lot of people walking away, this is my point.
I made the point about dating at the same time in my OP, that is to do with individuals, not sexualities.
I am an honest person and I hate lying and people who lie - but saying at the beginning is likely to lead to a lot of people walking away, this is my point.
No. Saying shouldn't at all. As long as you prove wrong these preconceptions and perceptions that you lot date more than one at the same time carelessly so, or with a sort of right to do so. At the end of the day polyamory is not exclusive to bisexuality. But it is more prominent, I believe.
Original post by 0to100
Don't tell a bi person that. Or someone who calls themselves bi. I am saying it's not bi, she identifies as such because she sleeps with men and women at the end of the day.
That's exactly what you're doing though
That's what I meant *
Original post by ODES_PDES
Never
It is a sexual turn off for me
It is a sexual turn off for me
Okay - what is it about it that turns you off?
Can I reiterate the point that rather than just yes/no answers, I'd appreciate some comments on these specific questions?
Regardless of your sex/gender or sexuality:
- Which of the above options should I choose when dating?
- Would you yourself date a bisexual person/man/woman if he/she was your perfect person until this detail was revealed?
- If not, why not, and what has led you to believe that?
- What would your reaction be if this was revealed some way into a relationship?
Regardless of your sex/gender or sexuality:
- Which of the above options should I choose when dating?
- Would you yourself date a bisexual person/man/woman if he/she was your perfect person until this detail was revealed?
- If not, why not, and what has led you to believe that?
- What would your reaction be if this was revealed some way into a relationship?
Related discussions
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- Can I trust my bisexual boy friend to have any friends
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- Loughborough University LGBTQ+
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