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Feeling crushed over this guy

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    • Thread Starter

    Hey guys,

    I literally have no one to talk to and I was hoping for some advice. It isn't very long, but I've known this guy for about a month and a half, we met online and spoke over the phone every night until we met (couldn't meet earlier because I wasn't in the country). We then met three times in person from the end of last month. I have a lot of personal issues which always clouds my interactions with other people, I have a low self esteem and a crushing inferiority complex. I've never had a boyfriend (although been on dates etc) and I am 25. This guy who I have been speaking to wasn't like anyone I spoke to before - he is older and more mature, we have the same shared interests and humour etc. Because of my issues, before we met I constantly said he won't like me in person, however he said that he doesn't care about any of that and that he likes me for me, besides I was sending hideous pictures of me all the time. Anyway we met, and things were quite surprising. There were no issues, he was constantly reassuring me, he still frequently messaged me and things were fine. Anyway last weekend I agreed to stay over at his. We never had sex, just some light touching, and he was fine with that since he said he did not want to pressurise or make me think that he wants me for one thing. The day after we went out and we were still talking after this so everything was cool.

    I'm highly intuitive and I could sense something was not right. Don't get me wrong, he still initiated all the conversations and it still had the same "content", but something felt missing, possibly the vibe. In actual fact I felt guilty since I passed my cold onto him so I also know a lot of the week he has been ill, so that may have contributed. On the Thursday just gone, I randomly messaged him saying "you don't have to talk to me anymore if you don't want to" - out of the blue, I guess it was a passing thought - and he seemed shocked that I would say that, and reassured me, and still asked if I wanted to go out with him next week to the place we planned. Anyway, today things went tits up. We were messaging, and the conversation got onto my woes at the moment - about work and education - and he was still offering advice and trying to be supportive. I randomly said "and it seems that the guy i liked is becoming increasingly distant" - obviously referring to him - and then he was honest. He said that the way he feels about me hasn't changed, it's just a really bad time for him at the moment. He has a lot of financial issues, to which we discussed in the early days before we met, and he said it is rubbing off in all areas of his life. Me, assuming that this was an excuse and irrelevant, basically told him that if two people like each other, it makes no difference - yes a *****y financial situation can limit what you can do together, but it isn't important. I'm a very blunt and rash person, which are bad traits of mine, and I basically told him that he should have been honest, even when I probed him earlier in the week, and that he should delete my number now and we should stop talking. He reacted badly to this and said he wants me in his life, he still likes me, and still wants to meet next week, but he has a lot of issues right now. He said he still wants to talk to me, but I feel like i've just been relegated to the sidelines and it's too much for me, I'm depressed as it is and now I believe that he doesn't like me because of how I look. I deleted him on some social media, he sent me a last message on whatsapp saying that he still wants to talk and I basically never replied. Should I just leave it? Am I being too harsh? It's my defence mechanism kicking in, yes I haven't had a boyfriend but I have been messed about a lot in the past and I just feel so useless. I've left it so late that I feel like I can't message him again, his number is the only thing I still have, and potentially blown seeing him again in person to discuss it. But then part of me thinks it is all an excuse, an elaborate hoax to make me question myself and reiterate how much I hate myself.

    I'd message him.

    Poor guy :/

    Sort your self out and stop wasting guy's time.

    Definitely message him, he's clearly trying to make the relationship work. If you still feel unsure about the whole thing, it's best to end it now instead of wasting his time.
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