Sometimes I feel low, like really really low and I really struggle to concentrate. When I struggle to concentrate I then get really stressed that I’m not being productive and getting work done and it makes me feel worse. I am also aware of how stupid I’m being which again makes me feel even worse about myself. Despite of being aware of how irrational my thoughts and feelings are I can’t shake them. People always describe me as a happy and upbeat person but then deep down and away from others I feel the opposite. I don’t feel like I can talk to a lot of people about this because of how ‘out of character’ it is.
Also, I often get really bad social anxiety and I think everyone hates me and is talking about me behind my back. A couple of examples would be if I’ve messaged someone about something and I can see that they’ve seen it and not replied. I instantly think that they have done it because they are annoyed at me and they think I’m being ‘clingy’ and messaging them too much. And then I feel as if they’ll be *****ing to others about me. I’m a student athlete and another instance would be if I missed a training session for a legitimate reason I then think everything that my friends say about the session is directly aimed at me in a negative way and it gets to the point where I feel like I have to leave the room/their company because I feel like that is what they want. I’m just constantly questioning whether people like me and whether or not I am coming across in the right way.These feel like they are quite trivial examples but I just wanted to try and explain
I don’t know if the way I’m feeling is normal or whether I may have some sort of anxiety or not. I don’t really know why I have posted this here but I felt like I needed to get off my chest and into words how I have been feeling