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Son not happy...how to advise him?

My son has been at uni a month. He's studying chemical engineering at a top university and although he's settled in well socially, he's really struggling with the course. He's always been very conscientious and likes to be on top of his workload, but he says he hasn't got a clue what half the lectures are about (he says lots of his coursemates say the same!) He's not happy at all at the moment, he thinks he won't be up to coping with the course and I just don't know how to help or advise him. Is it normal to feel so out of your depth at this stage?
advise him to talk to older students or teachers in the uni for pastoral support? Older students should usually be happy to give advice and provide any help that may be required - for example notes etc? But obviously don't enforce it on your son but merely suggest it. Uni is a massive step from sixth form and A levels so it is understandable the way he feels currently. Good luck to him!
He did speak to the senior lecturer in the first week and his answer was quite flippant, along the lines of "oh I've had loads of students who feel like that for the first couple of months", which doesn't help him because he is a worrier! He's always been very focussed and likes to know exactly what he's doing. This is generally a good thing but it leads to a lot of stress when things aren't going so well.
Original post by Concernedmother
My son has been at uni a month. He's studying chemical engineering at a top university and although he's settled in well socially, he's really struggling with the course. He's always been very conscientious and likes to be on top of his workload, but he says he hasn't got a clue what half the lectures are about (he says lots of his coursemates say the same!) He's not happy at all at the moment, he thinks he won't be up to coping with the course and I just don't know how to help or advise him. Is it normal to feel so out of your depth at this stage?


Hello :smile:

I'm sorry to hear that your son is having that experience with university.
It is good, however, to hear that he has settled in well because it'll help pull him through if he feels comfortable with where he is.

There are a couple of things that you can suggest;
- Reach out to his lecturers (email them) and explain that he is struggling and if they can explain the areas that he is struggling with; if he explains a lot of his course are feeling this way they should be able to go over some work.
- Reach out to students in the upper years and see if they can explain some of the work load and how to understand it etc.
- Contact his 'Student Support' or 'Learning Development' and arrange a meeting with them to see if they can help go over some of the work.

It is perfectly normal to feel out of your depth when you first start as it's a massive change. However, the change will be adjusted too!

Best of luck to your son! :smile:
Reply 4
unrelated but i find your username really cute :h: and the fact you made TSR bc of your son
It is quite normal to feel a little out of your depth at first, particularly since there is a lot more independent study required at uni compared to school - perhaps he needs to look at some of the recommended reading or examples questions? It might just be that he is used to the more organised and controlled nature of learning at school and not aware that at university just going to lectures and doing only the essential questions/ essays etc. is not enough to be doing well.

Alternatively, it might just be that he has too high expectations of himself - the grade boundaries are a LOT lower at university to get a good grade compared to A levels, so maybe he feels like he is struggling because he only got 60% on a problems sheet, but actually this is a pretty decent grade at most universities...

However, it does sound like the main problem might be that the lecturers are rushing and not so good at explaining things. Having been in a similar position myself several times, I'd recommend:
- Talking to a student in the year above to ask if they'd had similar difficulties (sometimes it's just a bad lecturer) and if they have any recommendations
- Going through the recommended reading list and independently studying the topics he is struggling on (it is expected that students should do a certain amount of independent study at uni, and some students find that just studying the relevant topic from the textbook is actually much better than going to lectures)
- Asking his tutor/ director of studies/ course organiser/ study support dept for some advice, they may be able to give him some suggestions, speak to the lecturer about their teaching style, or assess him for any learning difficulties (which may only have come out now due to the different study methods at uni)
- Contact the lecturer with specific issues, not just "I don't understand a single thing you've taught me the past month" but "in the lecture could you possibly go over this specific topic again and explain why...".
I think the main issue is his expectations of himself. He got all A* grades at A level, and he's more than used to doing independent study as he needed to teach himself a lot at A level (due to poor teachers) I appreciate all your advice and will make some suggestions to him. He is doing all the reading that's been suggested already (along with extra reading that hasn't). I wish he would learn to give himself a break!
Reply 7
Many courses won't make much sense till the end.
Just so long as one has good notes, it's easy once you're there to work it out.
For a few of my units the lecturers told us this, nothing made much sense, but by the end it did.
He just needs to stop worrying, only being in first year doing a new subject with different teaching styles etc would make anyone feel out of their depth. It's perfectly normal.
Original post by Concernedmother
He did speak to the senior lecturer in the first week and his answer was quite flippant, along the lines of "oh I've had loads of students who feel like that for the first couple of months", which doesn't help him because he is a worrier! He's always been very focussed and likes to know exactly what he's doing. This is generally a good thing but it leads to a lot of stress when things aren't going so well.


Honestly the lecturer is right. Most students feel out of their depth when they start uni. The approach to teaching and learning and the expectations are wildly different from anything thye will have experienced during school/6th form and it takes a lot of adjusting to. Generally the people working hardest (and whom will probably do best) tend to worry the most because they're just taking it more seriously.

My advice: See what happens in the first set of exams. If he flunks them then think about how to improve his scores. First year is a bit of a trial run so it's not the end of the world if it doesn't start off so well.

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