The Student Room Group

My absenteeism causing problems at work

I don't expect sympathy on here, as there are many people whom will take the tone of 'you should be lucky you have a job', 'you don't deserve a job', 'its unfair on other people for you to call in sick' or whatever. I expect pitiful comments here, but what the hell I'll post anyways as I'm pretty pissed off at my boss.

I've had a job in a fast paced environment for the last 6 months, and in that time my mental health has dipped and I've been put back on medication for anxiety/depression. Put bluntly, the workplace is full of nasty individuals, management is cliquey and my boss is a bully. People are basically kissing backside for a measly few quid promotion.

During my employment there, I've basically declined in my self-esteem due to colleagues slating me and my work ethic, often times its done when I can hear it, and its gotten to the point I actually question myself. I know most of you will tell me to get help from my GP or therapy- which I'm already doing and have been for such a long time. I'm currently seeking therapy on the NHS and even that is a futile effort.

My workplace doesn't know i suffer from mental health difficulties although they know i'm anxious. I don't feel comfortable telling them about such issues, as I know colleagues in the past who've done so and they get slated behind their backs rather nastily. My boss has also done some pretty spiteful stuff to former employees by not giving shifts during notice week, and generally playing hell.

This behavior in the workplace- bullying, scapegoating and meddling with peoples lives- has over time eroded my tolerance, and oftentimes I ring in because I just cant be bothered to deal with it all. I have cried in mornings, felt exhausted, and not slept. So sometimes it is actual physical illness, other times it is mental health related, but I can't ring in and say "I just don't wanna come in".

Today, I rang in sick complaining of Diarrhea and sickness (as I usually do- or words to those effect). The phone-call to my boss was pretty grilling to say the least and she basically told me: "While you've been employed here you've had a lot of time off, owning to Diarrhea and Sickness, even more so than I do myself, it is a problem and to be honest a cause for concern. I think you should go to your Doctor's as it is quite worrying."

I said I would if that's what she wanted. She then proclaimed that she was merely suggesting it. The conversation wasn't friendly at all and rather dismissive. I don't expect better treatment from that organisation anyways, but as I am sitting at home now i feel hostile and restless and pissed off due to her reaction.

I think the problem goes much farther. As a society, we are pretty much neglecting our emotional and mental health for the sake of keeping our bosses happy. I've always taken the tone of 'if your ill your ill, what business is it of their's?' I felt her tone was intrusive for her to ask what was wrong with me.

I think I may go to the doctors (yet again) and basically just tell him my absenteeism is causing problem with my employment. A number of times I've been ill, but most of all it is to do with depression, exhaustion and not feeling comfortable in my workplace, and see if he can provide medical evidence to substantiate.

I'm absolutely fed up of this. There are people that will tell me to just find another job, which I've been trying for months and months. It is tiresome.

I get interviews on occasion and usually I cock up as i'm far far too nervous and not confident. Issues like this dent my confidence, because I'm made to feel like a shirker and not a worker, that im somehow not valuable because I phone in sick due to mental health issues.

Employers have too many loopholes and rights nowadays, and people are far too jobs-worthy to take a day or so off sick due to mental health issues. Unless your dying people literally work themselves to the grave.

What is the likelihood the employer wants to replace me or I'll get fired?

When she stated cause for concern I took that as a verbal warning.
If she had given you a verbal warning that would typically be done explicitly (i.e. I am giving you a verbal warning) and in person. It sounds to me that she was genuinely expressing concern, which is justified if you're claiming to be constantly vomiting or having diarrhea.

I completely agree that people don't take enough time off work for sickness at the moment. It's disgusting to sit there while someone is clearly too ill to be present knowing you're exposed to all their germs. It's also frustrating to watch someone insist on coming in when they're clearly not mentally able to do so and often puts additional stress on their colleagues. However it sounds like you also take days off because you just hate your job and can't face it, which the majority of people feel at some point - and that isn't right or fair.
This isn't your fault. You can't help being mentally ill any more than you can help being physically ill. I know how important having a stable job is but sometimes you have to put yourself first. It's easier said than done but it's not worth working in a place that makes you ill. It's not productive for the company or, most importantly, yourself.

A decent boss takes their employees mental and physical health into consideration and never puts them through unnecessary stress, they have a duty of care to make sure you're happy and healthy. Your boss and colleagues sound like total dicks tbh, you don't need that negativity in your life.
Reply 3
Original post by bones-mccoy
This isn't your fault. You can't help being mentally ill any more than you can help being physically ill. I know how important having a stable job is but sometimes you have to put yourself first. It's easier said than done but it's not worth working in a place that makes you ill. It's not productive for the company or, most importantly, yourself.

A decent boss takes their employees mental and physical health into consideration and never puts them through unnecessary stress, they have a duty of care to make sure you're happy and healthy. Your boss and colleagues sound like total dicks tbh, you don't need that negativity in your life.


I know by large it is the way the organisation is managed, that is the result of how I feel. However, to some degree I feel accountable because I haven't actually told them that the job makes me ill, because my partner disclosed that she was ill with Depression during her absence and they didn't treat her well, and I'm told they slated her in her absence saying she isn't coming in because she's feeling a "little bit sad". So for those reasons I've never felt comfortable telling as I can't be sure it is kept confidential.

One of my line managers has an idea that I attend counselling every week as I had a confusion while trying to arrange time off each week.

Thing that concerns me is, they could probably fire me when they find out my absenteeism is primarily due to other reasons than what I stated. But I hope I can find other work before hand.
Reply 4
Original post by doodle_333
If she had given you a verbal warning that would typically be done explicitly (i.e. I am giving you a verbal warning) and in person. It sounds to me that she was genuinely expressing concern, which is justified if you're claiming to be constantly vomiting or having diarrhea.

I completely agree that people don't take enough time off work for sickness at the moment. It's disgusting to sit there while someone is clearly too ill to be present knowing you're exposed to all their germs. It's also frustrating to watch someone insist on coming in when they're clearly not mentally able to do so and often puts additional stress on their colleagues. However it sounds like you also take days off because you just hate your job and can't face it, which the majority of people feel at some point - and that isn't right or fair.


What's the likelihood of me getting dismissed if they find out I'm absence is primarily due to mental health issues and work related stress other than what I stated to them?

I'm not saying I'll disclose it anytime soon, but I eventually I feel ill be in the corner so much that I'll need to, or eventually they'll just fire me on the grounds of poor performance issues.
Original post by Anonymous
What's the likelihood of me getting dismissed if they find out I'm absence is primarily due to mental health issues and work related stress other than what I stated to them?

I'm not saying I'll disclose it anytime soon, but I eventually I feel ill be in the corner so much that I'll need to, or eventually they'll just fire me on the grounds of poor performance issues.


I have no idea. I think they'd struggle to sack you for mental health issues but if you lied to them and gave them no opportunity to improve the work conditions to help your stress levels then perhaps.
I'm four weeks into a new job having been sacked months ago so I'm working extra hard not to take my new job for granted. As in, taking absolutely crucial care not to have that one episode of misjudgment that could cost me. Which is why I made sure I was fit for work even when suffering from illness the night before. And because I'm a newbie, my boss reserves the right to sack me without notice, only with reason.
Reply 7
Original post by shawn_o1
I'm four weeks into a new job having been sacked months ago so I'm working extra hard not to take my new job for granted. As in, taking absolutely crucial care not to have that one episode of misjudgment that could cost me. Which is why I made sure I was fit for work even when suffering from illness the night before. And because I'm a newbie, my boss reserves the right to sack me without notice, only with reason.


On what terms were you sacked?

Was it down to long term absence due to illness? Or performance related?
Original post by Anonymous
On what terms were you sacked?

Was it down to long term absence due to illness? Or performance related?


It was because my work attitude was crap. I then failed many an interview and only got my next role after I gave up things such as video game consoles
Reply 9
Original post by shawn_o1
It was because my work attitude was crap. I then failed many an interview and only got my next role after I gave up things such as video game consoles


So it was performance related?

How did you explain your dismissal to your current employer in interview?

How did they see it? They clearly noticed your value to their organisation, otherwise you wouldn't have be hired by them.

I failed many interviews too, and haven't even gotten a graduate role yet. I simply get too anxious in interview and turn into a blubbering mess. I have had a few interviews in the last year or so, oftentimes losing out prior to shortlisting, or getting to interview and failing spectacularly. Although I think the last organisation already had somebody lined up for the role but had to go through usual channels legally. So I was their entertainment.

My issue is mostly mental health related and it is impacting my employment despite seeking therapy and taking medication.

Can I ask what field your in and how you landed your former role? Could use some tips tbh.
The way I see it is: most employers want confident people who can convince others that they are right for the organisation. It takes plenty of preparation to get it right. By the way, if you've put your CV in the public domain you should be getting calls from recruitment agencies; when I was looking for work, different recruiters called me almost every day. If not then you need to polish your CV
Original post by shawn_o1
The way I see it is: most employers want confident people who can convince others that they are right for the organisation. It takes plenty of preparation to get it right. By the way, if you've put your CV in the public domain you should be getting calls from recruitment agencies; when I was looking for work, different recruiters called me almost every day. If not then you need to polish your CV


Yeah my CV is on reeds and other recruiter sites. I get emails about graduate schemes and other work frequently, wouldn't say daily but every few days.

I just find that the more professional job roles are harder to get. Most of my jobs to date have been customer service, hotel, bar work, fast food and retail. These employers almost always were informal and I was able to secure employment fairly easily. Especially since through most of my hunting I've known someone already working within the company. The same method doesn't seem to work for larger corps and professional services.

I once applied to the marketing department of a large multinational health Corp, in which I knew a current employee that worked in IT. He was a role model worker and had been promoted twice and sent on a secondment. He'd given me a referral and I applied for several roles, unfortunately though, I was unsuccessful. The company owning to better experienced applicants out there.

The interviews I've had with company's I've really wanted to work for i.e. Not bill paying or student gap roles I've been more nervous because I have to go the extra mile, I don't feel up to par and there is more at stake.
They could sack you if you keep taking too much time off work.
Reply 13
Sounds like your workplace needs a bit of a shake up on how to deal with mental health, but at the same time you need to realise that you can't just use your illness as an excuse not to go in. If you're not fit for work, then you should sign yourself off, especially if it's long periods you're needing off.

The fact that you've lied now makes it more difficult for them to support you going forward, but it may be worth speaking to them and explaining the situation. At least then, you may be able to get some support from work, or at least have a legal leg to stand on if they then start to discriminate.
Original post by Tubbz
Sounds like your workplace needs a bit of a shake up on how to deal with mental health, but at the same time you need to realise that you can't just use your illness as an excuse not to go in. If you're not fit for work, then you should sign yourself off, especially if it's long periods you're needing off.

The fact that you've lied now makes it more difficult for them to support you going forward, but it may be worth speaking to them and explaining the situation. At least then, you may be able to get some support from work, or at least have a legal leg to stand on if they then start to discriminate.


They haven't informed their work they have mental health problems.
Reply 15
Original post by Tiger Rag
They haven't informed their work they have mental health problems.


I know, but they also state that their work place has reacted badly to mental health problems in the past.
Original post by Tubbz
I know, but they also state that their work place has reacted badly to mental health problems in the past.


This is the reason why I decided not to be so candid with them. They often slate employees that take time off. Often here people saying "such and such a person isnt coming in because they're a 'little sad'". Or things to that effect, I think its wrong to dismiss or play down mental health issues.

No wonder I decided not to disclose my issues. They do know however that get anxious as a former colleague informed them of this before I was even taken on. Also, I'm classed as disabled by law (physically) as I have an illness from birth. So if they do start to discriminate I'm going.

For all its worth, I am about to sign up to temp work in a factory as I need to get out of this job right now as its making me ill.

I rang up today and basically told them that I am well enough to go in tomorrow and that my stomach upsets had been due to stress, and I need to take it easy when I go in. I actually told them I went to doctors to get them off my back, which I haven't but im literally petrified of them. I can't cope in this damn job, they aren't sympathetic at all and its so toxic!

I figure over the next week or so I will be handing in my resignation to avoid sacking.
Original post by Tiger Rag
They haven't informed their work they have mental health problems.


I haven't officially and explicitly told my boss I have mental health issues. However, they have a good indication of it, because prior to my employment a former colleague (whom got me the job informed them of my social anxiety) and certain members within work have known I have had/booked time off for health related appointments as holiday days.

So they have some indication, and they have seemingly sporadic record of me been off ill intermittedly with sickness and diaherea.

In actual fact, most of the time it has been due to depression, anxiety and not been able to cope. However, some of the time I have actually been physically ill due to not eating and stress- which actually has caused sickness.

The only bits that I've not been so candid about was the fact I told them today I'd gone to doctors and that he recommends I take it easy and its stress induced.

They haven't actually asked for medical evidence as it hasn't been consecutive days off. Just days off every so often but has amounted to a lot.

This is the first job where i've actually felt this anxious and ill. I've had anxiety most of my life, difference is, in other jobs I was more supported. In this job it is toxic.

I plan to hand in my resignation very soon, as I feel I want to avoid dismissal but also I feel a bit bad for not been so honest, and, its actually compounded my problems. I'm a young graduate and I don't want to harm my employment prospects by getting fired so early on. My record is fairly squeaky clean otherwise.

This job was never really cut out for me. I never really enjoy it, it was a means to an end. To pay bills, but it was obvious from early on, that I'd struggle. I just cracked on, and over time its made me ill and I've slowly reverted back to whom I used to be.

I'm going into temp warehouse work very soon, and I anticipate in a weeks time I can be gone.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't expect sympathy on here, as there are many people whom will take the tone of 'you should be lucky you have a job', 'you don't deserve a job', 'its unfair on other people for you to call in sick' or whatever. I expect pitiful comments here, but what the hell I'll post anyways as I'm pretty pissed off at my boss.

I've had a job in a fast paced environment for the last 6 months, and in that time my mental health has dipped and I've been put back on medication for anxiety/depression. Put bluntly, the workplace is full of nasty individuals, management is cliquey and my boss is a bully. People are basically kissing backside for a measly few quid promotion.

During my employment there, I've basically declined in my self-esteem due to colleagues slating me and my work ethic, often times its done when I can hear it, and its gotten to the point I actually question myself. I know most of you will tell me to get help from my GP or therapy- which I'm already doing and have been for such a long time. I'm currently seeking therapy on the NHS and even that is a futile effort.

My workplace doesn't know i suffer from mental health difficulties although they know i'm anxious. I don't feel comfortable telling them about such issues, as I know colleagues in the past who've done so and they get slated behind their backs rather nastily. My boss has also done some pretty spiteful stuff to former employees by not giving shifts during notice week, and generally playing hell.

This behavior in the workplace- bullying, scapegoating and meddling with peoples lives- has over time eroded my tolerance, and oftentimes I ring in because I just cant be bothered to deal with it all. I have cried in mornings, felt exhausted, and not slept. So sometimes it is actual physical illness, other times it is mental health related, but I can't ring in and say "I just don't wanna come in".

Today, I rang in sick complaining of Diarrhea and sickness (as I usually do- or words to those effect). The phone-call to my boss was pretty grilling to say the least and she basically told me: "While you've been employed here you've had a lot of time off, owning to Diarrhea and Sickness, even more so than I do myself, it is a problem and to be honest a cause for concern. I think you should go to your Doctor's as it is quite worrying."

I said I would if that's what she wanted. She then proclaimed that she was merely suggesting it. The conversation wasn't friendly at all and rather dismissive. I don't expect better treatment from that organisation anyways, but as I am sitting at home now i feel hostile and restless and pissed off due to her reaction.

I think the problem goes much farther. As a society, we are pretty much neglecting our emotional and mental health for the sake of keeping our bosses happy. I've always taken the tone of 'if your ill your ill, what business is it of their's?' I felt her tone was intrusive for her to ask what was wrong with me.

I think I may go to the doctors (yet again) and basically just tell him my absenteeism is causing problem with my employment. A number of times I've been ill, but most of all it is to do with depression, exhaustion and not feeling comfortable in my workplace, and see if he can provide medical evidence to substantiate.

I'm absolutely fed up of this. There are people that will tell me to just find another job, which I've been trying for months and months. It is tiresome.

I get interviews on occasion and usually I **** up as i'm far far too nervous and not confident. Issues like this dent my confidence, because I'm made to feel like a shirker and not a worker, that im somehow not valuable because I phone in sick due to mental health issues.

Employers have too many loopholes and rights nowadays, and people are far too jobs-worthy to take a day or so off sick due to mental health issues. Unless your dying people literally work themselves to the grave.

What is the likelihood the employer wants to replace me or I'll get fired?

When she stated cause for concern I took that as a verbal warning.


Is there an employee “help line” available to you to go to with issues like this. I’m certain there are members of upper management that would be very interested in hearing what you have to say. Refrain from being accusationsl and just tell things as they are. It sounds like you have a bunch of useless coworks who have nothing better to do than berate others. At the very least, if you have a Human Resources Department, go to them with your concerns. Things can and will change. But you need to make the next move, and soon.
Original post by ZanobiaZzapp
Is there an employee “help line” available to you to go to with issues like this. I’m certain there are members of upper management that would be very interested in hearing what you have to say. Refrain from being accusationsl and just tell things as they are. It sounds like you have a bunch of useless coworks who have nothing better to do than berate others. At the very least, if you have a Human Resources Department, go to them with your concerns. Things can and will change. But you need to make the next move, and soon.


It was 3 years ago.

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